December 31, 2011

Farewell 2011

2011 Review Roundup

This is a spot for me to throw quick thoughts on the movies I've seen or will be seeing over the next few days that I don't have time to write full on reviews for. Just something I can link to in the lists that will be coming fast and furious at the start of the new year. Full reviews of all these movies will follow, but for now, you'll have to make do with this.

Warning: There's a lot of raving in this post!

The Muppets

The world is full of cynicism, so much so that you start to have trouble finding the simple pleasures in life. Thankfully, the Muppets have returned, and none of that cynicism seems to have affected them. The only thing they are still interested in is bringing joy to the audiences. Boy, do they succeed!

Green Lantern

If I had a power ring like the one's featured in this movie, I would imagine a cross, and then I would crucify this piece of garbage! This film is one of the worst thing to happen to the superhero genre since Batman and Robin!

Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy

In an age dominated by the Bonds and the Mission Impossibles, seeing a spy film that eschews whiz-bang action in favor of tense espionage and investigation is a real treat. Though it starts off slow, it really delivers, and God Damn! Can someone please just give Gary Oldman and Oscar already? Please?

Midnight In Paris

I've never been a big fan of Woody Allen. Haven't seen Annie Hall or Manhattan, and I haven't dug his last few films, but Midnight in Paris was a joy to watch. Biting humor, a good message, and superb acting from the gifted ensemble is all excellent, but Marion Cotillard... Marion... sorry, what?

The Adventures of Tintin

It's the Indiana Jones movie that Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull should have been! Superb action! Great humor! Beautiful to look at! Spielberg has proven that he still has it when it comes to big, exciting, blockbuster entertainment.

The Artist

ONE!!! OF!!! THE!!! BEST!!! DAMN!!! THINGS!!! OF!!! THE!!! YEAR!!!



I don't know. I really don't. It's very good, and Michael Fassbender is fantastic in it. But I have no desire to see this film ever again. It's that depressing. I don't even know what grade I should give it. Decisions, decisions.


Still to come, War Horse, The Descendants, and whatever else I feel like.

December 26, 2011

Hey! Guess What!

I'M 20!!!!

YEEEEEAAAAAHHHHHHhhhh... oh, wait...

Nothing special happens at 20.

Oh well.

Dance for me, JoGo!!!

December 23, 2011

Less Elementary Than Was Hoped For

I'm smart. Well, sort of. I mean, I do well in class, can usually communicate in clever ways with my peers, and am probably a little too self-congratulatory when it comes to my ideas for scripts. But, in no way am I smart enough to be a detective, and in no way am as smart as Sherlock Holmes. The character created by Sir Arthur Conan Doyle makes most modern day man, and women, come to think of it, look like bumbling buffoons. And if this modern day version of Holmes is to be taken seriously as a faithful interpretation of the character, he will kick your ass, drink you under the table, and be completely helpless when it comes to bromance. Sherlock Holmes: A Game of Shadows, in addition to having a title that I regret to admit I confuse with Game of Thrones, is a bigger, louder, more grandiose film than it's predecessor, and while it does do some things well, it does enough wrong and repeats enough of the mistakes from the first one to not warrant a full recommendation. Like the last one, it is still a lot of fun, but not much else.

Extreme Bromance!

December 22, 2011

POST #500!!!!: Blacker Than The Blackest Black Times Infinity

500 posts!!! Ma Ha Nei Bu, Eebowai!!!
That's a Book of Mormon reference! Look it up!

Anyway, to commemorate this, the 500th post on Films From the Supermassive Black Hole, here's a review of The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo.

Last year, I named Let Me In my favorite movie of the year. And you can imagine the comments I got on that one. I stick by it though. I think Let Me In is a wonderful movie, and superior to Let The Right One In. Part of my sentiment came from the fact that I saw Let Me In before Let The Right One In, so the story, characters, and motifs were all new to me. And now, in 2011, I find myself in the exact same position with The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo. I know, it's kind of unforgivable that a movie nut like myself hasn't seen the Swedish versions of Steig Larsson's Millennium Trilogy yet or read the books, and I don't really have an excuse; I'll get around to it eventually. But, this approach, I think, offers me a unique viewpoint from my contemporaries. Rather than judging the film based on how well it adapts the book, or how it holds up against the other version, I can just sit back and critique the film purely on it's own merits. And let me tell you, this American version of The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo is incredible!

Setting the standard of not to be messed with!

December 20, 2011

Trailer Trash: The Dark Knight Rises

It's time to root through some trailers. What sorts of wonderful things will be alluded to today?

So, this one is gonna be two fold, as I had the good fortune to see the 6-minute prologue in front of Mission Impossible: Ghost Protocol this weekend, in addition to see the trailer that came out yesterday.

First off, the prologue. SPOILERS!!!

Much like the Dark Knight sequence that was shown before I Am Legend, depicting the Joker's opening bank robbery, the prologue to TDKR introduces to Bane, and the force that he is. Also starring Aiden Gillen, the sequence shows Bane as he hijacks a plane in order to kidnap a Russian scientist. This involves thrilling, practically made, aerial stunts and chaos. Bane is a ruthless adversary, savagely beating his foes, and having the plane dragged through the air by... another, bigger plane.

The sequence is so full of "HELL YEAH" moments, and looks awesome in IMAX. Christopher Nolan has proved that he can shoot IMAX action, and he looks to be pulling out all the stops for his final foray with Batman. If there's something bad to say about the sequence, if you can call it a bad thing, it's that I couldn't really understand what Bane was saying. I got that everything he was saying is very important, but the combination of the vocal choices by Tom Hardy, coupled with the mask... well, anyway. It was difficult to pick up what he was saying. Here's hoping Nolan and crew fix the audio, cuz then there'll be no problem.

The footage ended with a sizzle reel, showing off all the other characters, most of which made it into the new trailer. Speaking of which...

Love it! While it didn't make quite as a big an impression on me as the Dark Knight trailer revealing the Joker, it's still awesome. While I don't really understand how the League of Shadows comes into play, or how Bane facilitates it all, it seems that there's an undertone of class inequality to this one, with Selina Kyle's cryptic dialogue, and all the scenes of that posh masquerade.

Crazy things happen in this trailer. Tumblers scream down the streets. Explosions are everywhere. Massive riots erupt. Batman has an aircraft. And Bane kills a football team by... blowing up the field. AWESOME!! Also, JoGo's in it. Can this movie just happen already?

Also, I think I've figured out what Marion Cotillard's character is all about. Won't tell you about it here, lest I bring the wrath of the nerds down on me. Want to talk? You know where to find me.

December 19, 2011


There's no excuse. I'm not gonna talk about it. I'm back. Let's leave it at that!

So, if there was a trend that I could put my thumb on for this cinematic year, it would odd yet interesting choices for the director of a big budget action movie. We had Kenneth Branagh, bringing his larger than life and Shakespearian Thor. We had Tarsem Singh, infusing gonzo violence with high art in Immortals. And now, we have Brad Bird, the man behind such animation classics as The Iron Giant, The Incredibles, and Ratatouille. What's he directing? Mission Impossible: Ghost Protocol, the first M.I. movie since JJ Abrams reinvigorated the series five years ago. Abrams returns as a producer, but the main point of interest is seeing how Bird, fresh to the live action style, fares. And while Ghost Protocol fails where all other Mission Impossible movies have usually failed (lack of interesting plot, a main character who doesn't grow, and an over reliance on action set pieces over espionage), it does manage to showcase that Bird definitely has the chops to make in the live action world. M.I.G.P is tightly paced, very tense, with a ton of great action and set pieces, and a sensational use of IMAX format. It's not setting the world on fire anytime soon, but for holiday thrills, this one more than suffices.

Just chilling. Waiting for the mothership...

November 24, 2011

It Gets Complicated

So, I just came from a performance of War Horse in NYC.

How do I put this...

War Horse just might be the best thing I've ever seen in a theater, and that includes a children's theatre production of Babar!

It is an absolutely incredible show, with stunning imagery, beautiful performances, and full to bursting with emotion and heart. This is one that will be on my mind for the foreseeable future, and one that I will instantly recommend to anyone.

Steven Spielberg! DO! NOT! SCREW! THIS! UP!!

November 22, 2011

Trailer Trash: The Snow Whites

It's time to root through some trailers. What sorts of wonderful things will be alluded to today?

So, I guess the new fairy tale on the block to receive the live-action remake treatment is Snow White, as we have, not one, but two takes on the classic tale coming down the pipe.

First we have Snow White and the Hutsman, which initially looked exactly like Red Riding Hood, i.e., a teen angst fueled "interpretation" of a classic fable. While the inclusion of Kristen Stewart brings some of that in, the rest looks surprisingly well done. We have Charlize Theron playing head bitch as the Queen, and Chris Hemsworth as the titular huntsman who tracks down Snow White and apparently joins her cause. This looks to be a decent, high adventure, with plenty of battles and fantasy.

And then we have Mirror, Mirror. Uh... ok? Where to begin with this one? This looks terrible. Absolutely atrocious! Very disappointing when you consider who'd involved. It's being directed by Tarsem Singh, who just gave the highly entertaining Immortals, and stars Julia Roberts, Sean Bean, Lily Collins, Nathan Lane, and Armie Hammer. Despite all that goodness, this movie looks awful. It seems they are going for a bubbly comedy, but all the jokes here suck, big time! It's not even visually interesting, which, given Singh's involvement, is really shocking. Not looking forward to this one.

I can't believe I'm more excited for a movie starring Bella Swan than a movie staring Ned Stark, but... oh well. C'est la vie!

November 21, 2011

Beaucoup De Sang

Sweet, merciful antichrist, I have sucked this month. Well, sucked at adding stuff to this site, not sucked in general. Well, maybe that too. Depends who you ask.


What with directing a show, starting practice for swimming, course loads, obscene lack of sleep, and college night life, I have legit just forgot to write stuff. And I apologize. I'll do better... I hope.

Ok, on to the review.

I am Spartacus Theseus!

November 4, 2011

Gaze Into My Crystal Ball: The Black Hole's First Oscar 2012 Predictions

I was watching Your Highness today and for some reason I don't entirely understand, it got me thinking of what movies stand a chance of being nominated come Academy Awards time.

It was probably because I thought that there was no way a piece of shit like Your Highness would ever be nominated. Yeah, that was probably it.

But it did get me thinking. Less than two months are left in the year, and there are still a whole slew of movies that have yet to see the light of day. Though "Oscar" season is in full swing right now, it is far from over, with more than a handful of potential candidates queued up. And yes, a post like this is nothing new. Everyone does one of these. But, just give me a chance, and I'll do my best to impart some 19 year old wisdom on you.

Ok, let's go.

October 31, 2011

The Black Hole Presents: Some Movies To Watch On Halloween

Ok, fine! For this holiday, the tradition is to list off your top 10 favorite horror movies and wait for the comments to practically rewrite your list as you go off and get plastered on pumpkin ale.

But that's dumb!

So, I'm not gonna do it!

Well, actually, I'm not gonna do it because I actually haven't seen enough diverse horror movies to make an interesting list. For me, it's basically have 28 Days Later... and Se7en fight it out for number one, and the rest is all random.


So, I thought I'd instead shoot off a bunch of films, one from each genre of horror, that could serve you well on this, the day where college coeds can dress up as sluts without anyone saying anything about it, and yes, I did take that line from Mean Girls.

Let's get started, shall we?

October 26, 2011

For Paychecks And Work

Modern day "reinterpretations" of classic novels and films is nothing new. It seems that for every generation, there's a film version of some Shakespeare play, a Jane Austen novel, some new director's take on Robin Hood, and so on and so on. And usually, the theme is to tone down whatever subtext and subtlety the source material had and a up the AWESOME and the EXPLOSION factor. Such is the case with The Three Musketeers, the new, whizbang, hack and slash epic from schlock-meister Paul WS Anderson. The trailers would have you believe that this is a loud, over the top, exciting romp around renaissance period Europe, but there is one factor that should not be overlooked should you make the mistake of seeing this film. Brainless. The Three Musketeers, for all its spectacle (such as it is), is just a dumb as rocks, cliched as hell, boring action movie. Though there is something to be said about the "wink wink" nature that some of the people involved are taking, the fact remains that this 21st century update of Alexander Dumas' classic adventure novel is completely unnecessary and forgettable.

This is the last time we ever do Absinthe again, Aramis!

October 20, 2011

Trailer Trash (Sort Of): Piranha 3DD

It's time to root through some... well not really.

So, this is just a clip taken from some dude who was recording the Spike Scream Awards on his Tivo, or something.

Anyway, it's the world premiere of the teaser for Piranha 3DD, the sequel to the surprisingly well received  Piranha 3D. This one sees the ravenous little buggers leaving the lake and attacking a water park.

Ok then...

According to this trailer, there will be more blood, more boobs, and... more Ving Rhames?

Hold on, didn't he die in the last one?

Nope, he just got his legs gnawed off. So, how does he remedy this?

Shotguns for legs.

Also, is that David Hasselhoff?

'checks IMDB'


Ok, this movie has my attention.

October 18, 2011

Hypocrisy For the Win!

A few weeks ago, on the LAMBcast, I stated that I would rather see a political thriller than a family drama. This was the direct result of two movies being brought up, The Descendants and The Ides of March, both of which star George Clooney. I don't know much of anything about The Descendants, but The Ides of March has been high on watch list ever since the trailer was released. A smart, thought out, tense political procedural is something that we don't get enough of these days, and is something that is pretty damn relevant as the country starts to go politician crazy!

By the way, Michelle Bachman is nuts!

The Ides of March boasts a killer cast doing excellent work, a strong script based on an excellent play, with a solid director at the helm. And yet... I didn't really like it. I don't really know what happened. Maybe it went way over my head and I need to see it again, but whatever it was, I walked out of the theatre feeling a profound disconnect to the events on screen. I wonder if all politicians are like this, cuz if they are, I'm glad I'm not getting into the business.

Hey girl, do you like politics?

October 14, 2011

Product of the Judicial System

In retrospect, I must say that I'm pretty happy with the way my parents raised me. You know, decent morals, polite manners, don't drink and drive, and don't put your sexual organs into volatile and potentially harmful electrical sockets. I don't about that last one; I think I might have just picked that one up myself. Anyway, I am quite pleased with all the life lessons my parents imparted on me, because, by following them, the chances of me going to prison for any legitimate reason (being part of protests and the like doesn't count) are somewhat slim. I mean, I've seen some movies, read some stories, and seen the odd episode of Oz, so I do have a pretty heavy desire to not get incarcerated in one the fine, fine correctional facilities that dot our country. As an addendum to this, I really like that I live in America, and not Britain, because if I am sent to prison in my home country, then my living situation will be decidedly more attractive. Cuz if Bronson is to be believed, then British prisons suck big fat ones! Yes, this film by virtuoso Nicolas Winding Refn is dark, disturbing, incredibly violent, and practically asking for controversy. It's also, at times, hilarious, quirky, and absolutely insane.
Ummm... I don't know really know how this review will pan out, cuz I don't really know what to say.
Well, let's give it a shot.

My mustache has punched more people than you ever will!

October 12, 2011

In Other News: Drive Stupidity & Chigurh's New Gig

So, interesting stuff has been happening in the world of movies over the last few days, but there was one little tidbit of news that caught my eye.

FilmDistrict is being sued over Drive. Why? Because the trailer was misleading?

No really! Someone is suing the studio because they went into Drive expecting something totally different from what it is, claiming that the film was being advertised as "very similar to the Fast and Furious, or similar, series of movies, according to an article over at Yahoo! Movies.  The person who brought forth the lawsuit, Sarah Deming of Michigan, states that "Drive bore very little similarity to a chase, or race action film... having very little driving in the motion picture," the suit continues. "Drive was a motion picture that substantially contained extreme, gratuitous, defamatory, dehumanizing racism directed against members of the Jewish faith, and thereby promoted violence against members of the Jewish faith."

So much is "wrong" with this scene, but anit-semitism ain't it!

So, she's not pissed off because the trailer didn't really hint at the level of extreme violence in the picture, or that most of the screen time was devoted to Gosling's budding romance with Carey Mulligan. No, this woman is pissed off because the bad guys in the movie were Jewish, and since we can't have that, she accuses Nicolas Winding Refn of being a Nazi. 

Ok, bit extreme, but still. How dumb is this. You don't like the movie because its trailer didn't do a great job of representing what it actually was? Oh, boo hoo! Do you know how many times I've been to a movie where my expectations proved to be totally off? Many times, but you don't see me suing people over it. 

People, man. People. 

On a happier, less fiery note, Javier Bardem has confirmed that he is playing the villain in Bond 23, which is currently in pre-production after months of doubt of whether or not it would ever be made. 

Now, this makes me happy. I mean, Ralph Finnes is already in as a villain, and with the inclusion of Bardem... well, think about it. Arguably the two most iconic villains from the last ten years are going to be villains together in the same movie. 


I might be able to die happy now. 

October 11, 2011

Trailer Trash: The Avengers


It's the first trailer for the superhero epic, The Avengers! Everything Marvel has done for the past 5 or so years (excluding X-Men), has been building up to this, and, if this trailer is anything to go, it's gonna be spectacular!

For a teaser trailer, this one is pretty great. Really epic, while adequately setting up the conflict. Let me tell ya, Loki looks so much more badass here than he did in Thor.

Man, I can't wait!

October 7, 2011

Assessing My Game Plan...

I should probably see some bad movies, shouldn't I?

I mean, the last four movies I saw in theaters, Contagion, Drive, Moneyball, and 50/50, all earned ECSTASYs from me. Two of them even got the ON A WHOLE NEW LEVEL moniker.

Ok, bad movies, bad movies. What's coming out this weekend?

"checks IMDB"

Oh, Real Steel. Ok, we're good!

October 6, 2011

Cancer Is Funny!

Except it's not, and if you think it is then you probably have some serious social skills that need to be addressed now! Films dealing with cancer are rarely ever seen as a comedy, because a topic such as cancer is so humorless. Films that deal with this subject go for the heartstrings with all guns blazing, hoping to pull at least one tear out of you. Many fall into ruin by being too sentimental and inspirational, and end up feeling like a Lifetime movie. Others over come the obstacles and become pointed looks at humanity, love, and some such. But these movies are never funny. There has never been a cancer comedy that treated cancer like a real, scary thing, that is until 50/50 rolled around. Touted as Terms of Endearment for the Apatow crowd, 50/50 looks like a traditional stoner comedy that just happens to deal with someone getting cancer. But it's not. It's not even close to that. 50/50 is one of the best portrayals of coping with cancer that I've ever seen, with a healthy amount of genuine humor and heart. This is one you shouldn't miss.

(Sear)iously good!

October 2, 2011

Your Sunday Funny #23

Not movie related I know, but gets me every single time!

September 29, 2011

Romanticism Challenged: Talking Moneyball With Ryan

Hatter Ryan over at The Matinee is part of the small, but proud camp that didn't think Moneyball was all that. So, he and I shot a few e-mails back and forth and got into some good natured spats over the whole thing. Enjoy!

The Black Hole Presents: Top 10 Of 2011 (So Far...)

Oscar season has just begun, and already three films from the last weeks have found comfortable places within my top ten. I thought now would be as good a time as any to list off my current favorites of the year, 2011. Enjoy!

*Bear in mind, this list is subject to change. So, I don't wanna be hearing no bitching in January! K? Good!

September 28, 2011

Romanticism & Capitalism

I'll be honest, I'm not a sports guy. Like, really not a sports guy. The only sport I really care about is swimming, and even then I only really follow it when the Olympics rears its head. I just never really enjoyed sports. Never really enjoyed playing it competitively, and never really enjoyed watching it. Sure, I'll go to a baseball game, but I'm not going for the actual game. I'm going to for the environment, to be with friends, and, not gonna lie, to enjoy a ballpark frank. Seriously, I don't know what they put in those things, but it's über addicting. It's like crack, if crack were a long, tubular, slab of beef.
Anyway, I've enjoyed a pretty healthy relationship with sports movies over the years. I got all chocked up and inspired with Miracle, enjoyed Rocky immensely, and relived some Indiana pride with Hoosiers (I was born in Indy, so, you know...). But, I gotta say, the sports movies I've enjoyed the most are the ones that that push the sport to the sidelines and use it as a springboard to deal with more interesting things. I probably enjoyed Coach Carter a lot more than I should have because it didn't really deal with a basketball team's rise prominence so much as it dealt with one man's struggle to reform a group of kids in a community that would be happy to see them stay the way they are. The Fighter was amazing because it dealt chiefly with the relationship between Mickey and Dicky, and how boxing effected that relationship. Hell, even Glory Road, which is a film where the sport is center stage, takes time away to deal with race issues in NCAA basketball. These types of movies aren't just great sports movies, they are great movies in general. (Ok, maybe not Glory Road.) Moneyball is that type of movie. Moneyball is a great movie!

Sure could use some Cracker Jacks right about now.

September 23, 2011

Trailer Trash: The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo

It's time to root through some trailers. What sorts of wonderful things will be alluded to today?

OH!!! HELL!!! YES!!!

After the pants tightening first trailer for this David Fincher adaptation, this extended, 3+ minute, beast is just what we need to whet the appetite. It shows off enough of the plot while still be keeping an air of mystery, while introducing the characters without giving too much away.

It looks sick, the actors all look to do a fine job, and Trent Reznor's music is aces! More please!

September 20, 2011

Do It For the Rush!

It's a sad life, a mere, non-movie star person lives. No, not because you don't have access to hordes of photographers constantly snapping shots of you, or because you don't make millions of dollars for doing next to nothing, or because the likelihood that someone out there wants to sleep with you stays comfortably where it is at less than zero. No, it's a sad life because, every once in a blue moon, a film comes along that serves as a stark reminder that no matter what you do or how hard you try, you will never be as cool as certain cinematic creations. You can try to be all dashing and roguish, but Han Solo will still beat you into the ground and steal your girlfriend. You can try to be all suave and cool and calculating, but go up against Harry Callahan, and you're toast. Beatrix Kiddo will slice you up into tiny pieces of carpaccio without batting a lash. Chili Palmer will knock you stone dead and still have time to complain about the movie industry. I could go on all day! And now, we have a new member to the pack. You may think you're all kinds of boss behind the wheel of a car, but let Driver get behind that wheel, and he will make you look like a bitch! Such is the method of the central character of Drive, the new whizz-bang, stylish as hell, ridiculously violent, masterpiece from up and coming director Nicolas Winding Refn. Words cannot adequately express how much I loved this movie, because I loved absolutely everything about it! This is a small gem that instantly rockets into my top three of 2011!

Man, I am a sexy beast!

September 19, 2011

A Teaser...

The review is coming tomorrow, but, just so you know, I LOVED IT TO DEATH!!!

FUCK!!! YES!!!

September 16, 2011

Trailer Trash: Premium Rush

It's time to root through some trailers. What sorts of wonderful things will be alluded to today?


Gonna keep it brief, since I'm just delaying you watching this gem, but this trailer is pretty great. The film seems to be taking on a very Cellular feel, with a normal person shoved headfirst into a crazy and life-threatening situation, the only difference being is that here the person is a crazy NYC bike messenger.

JOGO's in it, and so is Michael Shannon! I'm in all the way. This movie looks awesome!

September 15, 2011

In Other News: Expendables 2 Casting

Man, Stallone. You really are going all out. Makes me wonder what you were doing on the last film.

Yes, as pre-production gets a-rolling on the sequel to Sylvester Stallone's ode to men, muscles, and magazines (gun magazines), casting news has started seeing the light of day.

And, gotta say, it's sort of cool.

First we got the news that Bruce Willis and Arnold Schwarzenegger were back, but in real, ass kicking roles, and not the pathetically over hyped cameos that they had in the first movie.

And now, it's being reported that both Chuck Norris (cue a joke) and Jean-Claude Van Damme are in. So, not only do we have Rambo and Frank West, but we also have The Terminator, John McClane, The Muscles From Brussels, and... Chuck Norris, who is the only person in the world who can roundhouse kick a salesman... OVER THE PHONE!!!

It's also being rumored that John Travolta and (brace yourselves) Nicolas Cage are gonna be along for the right.

I popped a blood vessel thanks to all this excitement!

Ai yi yi!

Now, am I the only who is impressed by this? Especially since the Expendables seemed to be pretty light on the whole, "Old School Action Star" thing. I mean, when it comes down to it, the only real "Old School Action Stars" in the film that actually did anything were Stallone, Jet Li, and Dolph Lundgren. Jason Statham is too recent, Terry Crews is more of a comedian, and, as far as I know, Randy Couture had never acted in anything before The Expendables. 

So, to see Stallone firing on all cylinders bringing in all this muscle (literally) is kind of... well it gets me excited in interesting ways.

The only way this could be any more enticing would be if he got The Rock, Kurt Russell, and, I don't know, Vin Diesel. I mean, at this point, resurrecting Bruce Lee doesn't seem so impossible.

What? A guy can dream!

September 12, 2011

Hypochondriac's Worst Nightmare

At this particular theatre, I was by myself. Flying solo. You know how it is. To that end, there were a few seats between me and the person next to me. About half way through the movie, right about where all the looting and chaos is going down, the person next to me coughed. I almost ran for my life! Why? Cuz Contagion got to me in a way a virus thriller never has. This is a smart, terrifying, absolutely believable piece of pandemic pandemonium. With strong performances, slick direction, and a chilling atmosphere, Contagion will convince you to never touch anything... or anyone... ever... again!

I've driven down that street before. 

September 11, 2011

10 Years On...

I was living in Houston, Texas.
I was in fourth grade, at the River Oaks Baptist School.
I remember that day, walking with my class to morning recess, and seeing a bunch of kids walking with their parents to their cars.
I remember chatting amicably with my friends about what all these kids must have done wrong.
I remember the teachers talking in hushed voices in the corner of the playground as we did our thing.
I remember going back to the room and starting on a math lesson.
I remember when my teacher came over and told me to grab my bag, that my dad was outside to pick me up.
I remember thinking, "Uh-oh"
I remember getting in my dad's car.
I remember thinking, "Darn, today was taco day in the cafeteria."
I remember getting home and depositing my bag in my room.
I remember hearing the TV on in my parents room.
I remember going in to see what was on.
And we all know the rest...

Never forget.

Your Sunday Funny #21

September 7, 2011

The FITS 2011

Well, well, well. We've come to the end.

Summer 2011 has left us! There were highs! There were lows! There were wizards and superheroes and monsters and aliens and good movies and bad movies and... other things.

So, with this in mind, I present to you The Fun In The Sun Awards for Summer 2011! Take a leap and enjoy!

September 6, 2011

Living In the Dark Ages

Really Bard College?

I'm sorry folks, but The FITS will have to wait. Leon Botstein has to get his act together!

- Posted from my phone. Ain't technology grand?

August 31, 2011

Being A Sophomore And All...

So, College: Round 2 has started. What does this mean?


1. I Have A Car! And that means I'll be able to get to the theatre a lot more. So, while I only saw three new releases last year when I wasn't on a break, I will be able to be much better at keeping up with the trends, and the reviews will come fast and furious. So, I will see Contagion. I will see Moneyball. I will see The Ides of March, Immortals, and Drive. Keep you posted.

2. French! One of the requirements for my Intermediate French class is to see one film a week. One French film, to be precise. Lucky for me, the teacher never said what sort of film. So, expect reviews of classic art house flicks, but also expect reviews of guilty pleasures and French action films. Ever wanted to know what I though of Brotherhood of the Wolf? You'll find out soon enough.

3. Keeping My Expectations About Myself in Check! Some of you may remember how, earlier in the year, I tried to do the whole posting everyday thing. Well, that proved to be too much of a hassle, but it taught me a valuable lesson: I need to calm down! So, you won't be seeing posts every day. Instead, I'm going to try and post things that are worth it. So, reviews, articles, lists, and things of that nature. I'm going to bring According to the Movies back at some point. I just need to think of lessons. Also, this term, I'm not acting in a production, but directing one, which is going to eat up a huge chunk of my time. Quality over quantity is the name of the game now. Play with me?

Looking forward to it folks. Also, nothing's been set in stone, but I'm working on a certain something that will drop in January. Hint: It involves a little town in Utah.

You're excited now, aren't ya!

I know he is!

August 30, 2011

LAMBcast #81: There's Something Around the Corner

Ugh. Nature sucks! Not only was the weather on Sunday shitty to Olympian levels, but I've been without power for a good chunk of time. I'm sitting in the library right now, leeching juice from the backup generators. That's also why you didn't see any CC over at Man, I Love Films.

Seriously! Fuck nature!

But, whatever man. Keep on truckin'. That's what I say. Here's something to hold you over whilst I think of something interesting to say here. LAMBcast #81 saw myself, Dylan, Nick, Tom, and Sam discussing the upcoming movie season, ranting and raving about certain things (hear Tom make me feel all guilty about complaining about what I thought was an expensive movie ticket in San Francisco), and close up with some Last Lamb Standing (I was EVIL. It was awesome! You'll see). Enjoy!

August 24, 2011

Trailer Trash: Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance

It's time to root through some trailers. What sorts of wonderful things will be alluded to today?

The first Ghost Rider is one of the worst comic book movies ever. No easy feat, when you put it in perspective, so any news of a sequel, for me, was met with almost obscene trepidation. Now, I am still counting on this sucking, and sucking hard. Nic Cage alone almost guarantees that, but there is something working in its favor and it goes by a three worded name.

Neveldine and Taylor.

Oh yes. The guys who made the absurdly entertaining Crank movies are back, bringing their own strand of social justice or whatever it is that they do to Marvel's demonic badass. Crank was a pretty ridiculous, if formulaic, action film, and Crank 2 single handedly threw up the biggest finger to mainstream action films ever! Who knows? Maybe Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance will be passable. The trailer shows off more interesting action in its 2 minutes than was in the whole first movie, and that image at the end of Nic Cage pissing fire is weirdly awesome.


August 23, 2011

Monkeys! Damn!

This is gonna be a quickie. I was on a red eye to Florida last night and didn't sleep a wink. You don't mind.

Rise of the Planet of the Apes is awesome! So much better than it had any right to be, this is a surprisingly thought provoking and touching retooling of the long running franchise. The marketing would have you believe that the humans, headed up by James Franco, are the main players, but you'd be wrong. Here, the monkey's take center stage, and run away with the whole thing. For the first time in the entire history of the franchise, the apes are purely CGI, no stupid make up needed. And, damn is it good CGI. We've come a long way since Gollum, and it's only fitting that the same man who made us believe that that jewel obsessed gremlin could exist takes the lead here. Andy Serkis, as main ape Caesar, is great. I know the academy won't go for it, but give this man an Oscar already. His performance here is soooo much better than most things to come out of humans this year. What action there is is fun and visceral, the script is well written, and the references to the past films are well handled. It's been doing well, so you've probably already seen Rise of the Planet of the Apes, but if you haven't, get to the theatre now. It's not like there's anything else worth checking out.


August 22, 2011

There Goes the Neighborhood!

It's the Dog Days of Summer, my friends. Now that July has passed and the two or three BIG movies have come out, the time has come for... nothing. That's right. Almost nothing of consequence comes out in this period of four weeks, leaving you, the intrepid, cinematic explorer, flapping in the wind. But, every so often, this month does yield interesting results. Two years ago, we had District 9 and (500) Days of Summer. Last year, we had Scott Pilgrim vs. the World. This year, we have Fright Night. Ok, yes, I know. Horror remake and all that, and yes, I know what sort of pedigree that dastardly sub-genre carries. But, take it from me, Fright Night delivers. This is a hip, stylish, gory, funny as balls retooling of the 1985 cult classic. Boasting strong performances from some über talented people, a slick presentation, a smart sense of humor and self-deprecation, and plenty of blood to go around, Fright Night is one hell of good time. 

I vant to... you know the rest. 

August 19, 2011

Naming Names

My friend expressed sheer shock when I revealed to her last night that I hadn't seen Tangled, stating that she couldn't believe it, as I'm the movie buff.
Guess I need to see Tangled now.

August 18, 2011

Trailer Trash: The Woman In Black

It's time to root through some trailers. What sorts of wonderful things will be alluded to today?

Continuing your career after staring in a huge hit is one thing. Continuing your career after being the title character in the biggest money grubbing franchise of all time is something else. But, that is exactly what Daniel Radcliffe is attempting to do with The Woman in Black, a project that could not be more different from that fantastical epic of wizards and magic.

As a first trailer goes, this one is aces. Very atmospheric and reeeeeeeally scary, The Woman in Black looks to be a more restrained and foreboding breed of horror movie. Then again, I just might think of that because all we hear in the trailer is weird violin noises and a creepy child reciting some limerick about the titular specter. But, for a little piece of advertisement to get me intrigued, this does the trick.

August 17, 2011

LAMBcast #79: Nick's 5-on-5

In which Dylan, Nick, Dan, and Drunk Dan try a new thing. Nick had this pretty neat idea where we all come up with lists, but we make them whilst recording. It sounds a little weird. Just listen. I thought that, since this seemed to be in the realm of more fun LAMBcasts, I went for something pretty absurd for my list. I looked like a tool when everyone else came back with relatively blah lists. Oh well. I can't help being clever! Enjoy.

August 16, 2011

My Absence Has Been Noted...

... but I'll be back at some point, you mark my words. This last few weeks of summer are hectic has hell, and this past weekend of drowning in the Rock God's love didn't help matters. Relax. I haven't forgotten you!

August 13, 2011