Oscar 2012: Post Mortem

Well... that happened.

Make it rain!

The Most Important Evening of the Year

I'm not going to be doing Oscar Minutes this year. Last year proved to be too stressful, and, honestly, I'd rather just enjoy the show with the crowd instead of fiendishly writing the whole time.

Expect some sort of coverage though. I haven't decided what yet, but be sure to check back here and follow my ass on Twitter (@blackholecritic) for what it is I come up with.

This should be fun, if unsurprising. What are you wearing?

The Black Hole Presents: Final Oscar Predictions

First off, I don't care.

I don't care about this year. Too many films that I cared about were snubbed out of the big categories. Indeed, of my top 4, only The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo garnered a major nomination, and it only got one. Such is life.

But, I do want to stay relevant with my contemporaries, so here are my final predictions on who will take home gold next Sunday.

The Black Hole Presents: Thoughts on Oscar 2012

So, when the Oscar nominations came out, I was embroiled in Robert Redford's ode to all things independent. But now that Sundance is no more than a beautiful memory, it's time to offer my, albeit very late, two cents on this year's Oscar race.

Gaze Into My Crystal Ball: The Black Hole's First Oscar 2012 Predictions

I was watching Your Highness today and for some reason I don't entirely understand, it got me thinking of what movies stand a chance of being nominated come Academy Awards time.

It was probably because I thought that there was no way a piece of shit like Your Highness would ever be nominated. Yeah, that was probably it.

But it did get me thinking. Less than two months are left in the year, and there are still a whole slew of movies that have yet to see the light of day. Though "Oscar" season is in full swing right now, it is far from over, with more than a handful of potential candidates queued up. And yes, a post like this is nothing new. Everyone does one of these. But, just give me a chance, and I'll do my best to impart some 19 year old wisdom on you.

Ok, let's go.

A Recap of the Glamour

Now that we've had a good day to digest everything, let's recap and reflect.

Oscar Minutes: 2011

THE OLD PEOPLE WIN AGAIN!!!


Oscar has come and gone my friends. The time of predictions is long past, the winners are here. It was an average show, if I do say so myself, but more on that later. Did you miss the broadcast? Have no fear, Seb is here, with his annual Oscar Minutes. With the recent inclusion of twitter in my life, I now have a much easier way to jot down all this crap. So, without further ado, let's recap. 

Game Plan

Here's how it's gonna work tonight. My recent activation of Twitter has given me a far easier and stress free way to jot down the Oscar minutes. Follow me throughout the night for up to date info on the show, after which I'll throw all the tweets together into one post for you reliving pleasure! See you tonight folks. It's gonna be a trip!

Oscar: Class of 2011

Can we take a minute to acknowledge how much of a badass Jeff Bridges is? Not only does he provide a chair for Annette Benning, but looks so suave doing it!

Also, looking at this picture made me realize something awesome! I'm Facebook friends with an Oscar nominee, which is probably the closest to this ceremony I will ever get. Damn, I am connected!

37/45

Huh...

Well, 37 out of 45 ain't terrible. Rejoice peoples! The nominations are here! Oscar has named the films in contention for this year's Academy Awards. For the most part, they were pretty much in line with what I predicted. There were some pretty big surprises, though. But, enough banter. Let's get started.

The Black Hole Predicts...

With only three days to go before Oscar nominations are released, it's time for me to chime in with my oh so meticulously selected predictions. Let the merriment being.

Oscar Minutes...

...are here. The show was good tonight! It was pretty much what we expected in terms of winners. Sandra Bullock undeservedly won over Carey Mulligan, and Kathryn Bigelow righteously owned her ex. Steve Martin and Alec Baldwin were fantastic as the hosts, and I'm interested to see how they will top these two next year. The changes this year were actually well implemented. I'm still furious that they got rid of the performances of Best Original Song, but the 45 second wasn't as bad as I thought, seeing as they didn't cut off the people everyone cares about. And Taylor Lautner and Kristin Stewart didn't really present an award, so, everything's fine. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't surprised Avatar didn't win Best Picture. It was never going to win Best Director, and wasn't nominated for any other major awards. I thought for sure that the Academy would honor the highest grossing, best looking film of all time by giving it the top award. But, I'm not complaining. The Hurt Locker deserved all of it. How Inglourious Basterds or Up in the Air didn't win for their respective writing awards baffles me. I mean, Hurt Locker and Precious certainly deserved it, but they were already locked into other major awards. I thought for sure that the Academy would recognize Tarantino and Reitman in some way. Oh well! Also, Sandy Powell deserves to be slapped for her ungracious speech after winning Best Costume Design! Regardless, it was a good show. Some minor gripes with who the Academy chose, but, all in all, there's really nothing to complain about. See you next time.

Fie, For Shame Oscar: The Ones You Don't Appreciate

The Oscars are on Sunday! It's very exciting! The final votes were due today, I believe, which means that winner's have been chosen, and there's no changing them, whatever they may be. I've already given you my opinions on the nominees, so, what about the others? What about those other films that clearly deserved recognition, but received none? Pay attention Oscar! It's time to answer for your crimes!

First on my list of unappreciated films this season is, of course, (500) Days of Summer. I know, it's a romantic comedy. It didn't have amazing box office numbers. It's stars aren't the most bankable in the biz. But I don't care! (500) Days of Summer was my absolute favorite movie last year. Despite all the previously mentioned things working against it, there is one thing that everyone can agree on. (500) Days of Summer is good! Really good! I believe that should have gotten nods for Best Picture, Best Actor, Best Actress, and Best Original Screenplay. I don't think Mark Webb was ever in the running for Best Director, so I'm not at all steamed about that. I am steamed at the other ones though! I know it was a long shot to hope that it would get noticed in the Best Picture race, but, come on. Can't a guy dream? Same goes for both acting categories, even though the performances by Joseph Gordon-Levitt and Zooey Deschanel are far superior then most of the nominated ones. If there was any category that (500) Days had a legitimate shot at getting noticed in, it was Best Original Screenplay! I thought for sure it would get nominated here, but, like I said before, the Academy has a habit of disassociating themselves with the movie I deem to be the best of the year. I'm sorry if I'm not as mainstream as the average Academy voter!

The other, big, glaring omission is even more surprising to me then (500) Days of Summer. Where the Wild Things Are is based off a beloved and classic piece of literature, is directed by Spike Jonze, tells an amazing story with great acting to boot. It's a bonafide art house picture! It's simply spectacular, but, it goes unnoticed. Why? It didn't make money! It was a critical darling and one of the best reviewed films of last year, but, since the Academy is more concerned about their telecast then honoring achievements in cinema this year, it is snubbed. Not only should Where the Wild Things Are have gotten nominated for Best Picture, Best Director, and Best Adapted Screenplay, but it would have been a strong contender for some technical awards. Just witness the seamless blending of puppets and CGI, and you'll see what I'm talking about. This is the type of movie the Academy always goes for, small, intimate, thought provoking, and all around excellent. Instead the went with The Blind Side. Ughhh...

There are a few other gripes I have, but won't go into too much detail about. I think Neill Blomkamp should have warranted considerable consideration for Best Director for District 9, but, it's a freshmen effort, not counting Alive in Joburg, so that was mostly vain hope. I think The Blind Side got two nominations too many! Public Enemies got no play as well, even though both Johnny Depp and Marion Cotillard deserved to get noticed. Cottilard especially this year, since she, along with her wonderful work in Enemies, was the only actor to maintain any dignity in Nine.

I don't know. Maybe I'm making too big a deal out of this. I know that not winning an Oscar isn't going to make these films any less good! It's just a shame that they won't be featured during the telecast, and, as such, probably won't reach the wider audience that should experience them. It's a shame, but, hey. Maybe the retrospective video they play will highlight at least some of these.

On another, less fiery note, my write up of the Oscar minutes will be featured on The LAMB following the telecast, so... that's cool!

Oscar! What Have Ye Become?

A week and three days. That's all the time we have to wait to see who will win, Avatar or The Hurt Locker, Bullock or Streep, Bigelow or Cameron, etc. Now, unless you've been living in a cave somewhere for the last year, you are no doubt aware of a couple of changes being made in the telecast this year, all in the name of wrangling in viewers! A few of them are well implemented, and the others... well, let's just say that if you thought Zac Efron shouldn't have even shown his face at the Oscars last year, then you're in for quite a treat!

First up, we have ten Best Picture nominees, instead of the usual five. This was meant to remedy the public backlash that sprung up when The Dark Knight was snubbed last year. Verdict? Completely unnecessary, but still welcome. The Dark Knight of 2009, that is to say, the biggest money grubber out there, Avatar, was always going to get nominated! Even so, with that out of the way, they had room to recognize some other films that would have been forgotten had we only five. Quality, genre films like District 9, and Up, and small, oft-ignored gems like A Serious Man or An Education all made the list, and deservedly so. They're great. If the ten Best Picture thing showed a flaw in the Academy, it showed how much emphasis they are putting on pleasing the public, as they snubbed such great, but commercially ignored, works as (500) Days of Summer and Where the Wild Things Are in favor of The Blind Side. What we have here is desperation, in it's most organic form!

Second up, we have two hosts this year. I don't have anything to complain about here. It will take nothing short of a full Na'vi army to prevent Alec Baldwin and Steve Martin from cracking us up on March 7th. I am very much looking forward to seeing what antics Baldwin has in store, and I am especially looking forward to Martin redeeming himself in my eyes.

Ok, now on the problematic issues. As news starts to trickle in about who is hosting, one thing is clear. The talent of the hosts will be quite questionable this year. Instead of getting great artists like Steven Speilberg, Christopher Walken, Daniel Day-Lewis, or Clint Eastwood, we get... Zac Efron, Kristin Stewart, and Taylor Lautner? What? I understand wanting to reel in as many viewers as possible, Academy, but come on. All three of these were in terrible movies this year, and they all sucked in them. Well, Efron did redeem himself, somewhat, in Me and Orson Welles, and Stewart was on fire at Sundance, but seriously! These people have not proven themselves to be of Oscar flavor, and have no business presenting. Give them another year, and see if they deserve it then. Stewart's almost there, but Efron and Lautner have a ways to go. Hopefully, they don't surprise us with Robert Pattinson again, because if they do, I just might throw my computer at the TV.

The next change I want to address, yet again, further highlights how friggin' low the Academy will stoop to get viewers. They are changing the framework of the acceptance speeches so that winners will only get 45 seconds to say what they have to before the music starts playing on the telecast, and then, they have a place backstage for longer expressions of gratitude that will be viewable online. Come on. Really? Half the fun of Oscar night is watching the winners make complete assholes of themselves on stage! I'll be the first to admit that some of them can go on for forever and a Wednesday, but these people just won an Oscar. They deserve the spotlight! Let em' have it!

And finally, the biggest change, that has me in a righteous fury, is that the Academy has decided to do away with the performances of Best Original Song. ARE YOU KIDDING ME? Yeah, I know, the mash-up they did last year of the three nominees failed miserably, but at least it was interesting. The performances always do a lot in mixing up the telecast, ensuring that it doesn't stay boring for too long. Doing away with them all together is just wrong! The nominated writers deserve to have their work heard on Oscar night; a 10 second blurb does not cut it. And before you get all up in my face, no! I am not railing against this change because of my, likely, vain hope that Marion Cotillard would reprise her striptease dance for "Take It All" from Nine. If anything, I am pissed that we won't get to see Jeff Bridges croon out his song from Crazy Heart. The Academy is so desperate for viewers that they are willing to reduce the work of the five nominated writers from a full fanfare to a miniscule, iTunes demo. It's just wrong!

Regardless of my opinion on these matters, one thing's for certain! Oscar will be very different this year. Who knows? Maybe all these changes will turn out for the better, and the show will be the best its ever been. Maybe they will all crash and burn, and the Academy will go back to its public snubbing ways. We have to wait and see! Alright. That's all for now. See you next time!

The Nominations for 2009

They're finally here!

Best Picture
Avatar
The Blind Side
District 9
An Education
The Hurt Locker
Inglourious Basterds
Precious: Based on the Novel ‘Push’ by Sapphire
A Serious Man
Up
Up in the Air

Well, there they are! I'm generally pretty happy with these, although I did not see The Blind Side getting nominated at all. I can't really blame them for doing so; they had to fill out all ten spaces, and Blind Side made a shit ton of money, so, why not throw it in there. I think it's great that they are recognizing movies like District 9 or Up, movies that would definitely get snubbed if it were still five nominees this year. It doesn't matter though. It is between Avatar and The Hurt Locker. This critic is betting on Avatar.

Best Director

James Cameron (Avatar)

Kathryn Bigelow (The Hurt Locker)

Quentin Tarantino (Inglourious Basterds)

Lee Daniels (Precious)

Jason Reitman (Up in the Air)

With the exception of Lee Daniels, I was right on the money with this one. If you just take the time to notice, you'll see that the Academy is more predictable then... something that's predictable. (Sorry. A little out of it right now.) This one has been won already as well. Kathryn Bigelow is going to win here. Even though she got snubbed at the Globes, she took home the trophy at PGAs and DGAs, virtually clearing the field for her to waltz on up to that stage. James Cameron may pull a fast one out of left field, but, if all goes according to plan, Kathryn's gonna be flipping her ex the bird on this one.

Best Actor

Jeff Bridges (Crazy Heart)

George Clooney (Up in the Air)

Colin Firth (A Single Man)

Morgan Freeman (Invictus)

Jeremy Renner (The Hurt Locker)

Again, this one has been won already. Clooney, Firth, and Freeman put up a good show, and I'm thrilled that Jeremy Renner is finally getting recognized, but Bridges has this one in the bag. He has won, literally, every single award leading up to the Oscars, or at least all the ones that matter. That, and that it's the first time he's getting recognized, even though he has consistently turned in great performances. The Dude, anyone? His under appreciated streak is officially over.

Best Actress

Sandra Bullock (The Blind Side) ugggg...

Helen Mirren (The Last Station)

Carey Mulligan (An Education)

Gabourey Sidibe (Precious)

Meryl Streep (Julie & Julia)

Carey Mulligan should win this award, hands down. But she won't. Why? Because the world is stupid! Sandra Bullock will win for a performance, that, while better then the shit she usually turns out, doesn't even deserve to be considered for a nomination. Yes, Meryl and Gabourey are quite good in their roles, and Helen Mirren should be recognized for her glorious overacting, but Mulligan was so good, she was almost a shoe in for this award, until her PR man righteously fucked her awards campaign. Time to hire a new guy, Carey. Just putting it out there.

Best Supporting Actor

Matt Damon (Invictus)

Woody Harrelson (The Messenger)

Christopher Plummer (The Last Station)

Stanley Tucci (The Lovely Bones)

Christoph Waltz (Inglourious Basterds)

Mad props to Tucci for picking up Bones' sole nomination, and even more so to Harrelson for capping off his revival year with a nom. Matt Damon was good in Invictus, and Plummer was alright in Station. But, it doesn't matter. Waltz has far too much momentum to be slowed at this point. He is the clear winner.

Best Supporting Actress

Penelope Cruz (Nine) Huh?

Vera Farmiga (Up in the Air)

Maggie Gyllenhaal (Crazy Heart)

Anna Kendrick (Up in the Air)

Mo'Nique (Precious)

In keeping with this years tradition of playing it safe, Mo'Nique will walk away with the statue on Oscar night. She shouldn't, but there it is. Farmiga or Kendrick should win, as they gave the best performances here, by far. Gyllenhaal was just thrown in there, but I have no problem with her nomination. I do, however have a problem with Cruz. What the hell is she doing here? If anyone should be nominated from Nine, it should be Marion Cotillard, who was actually better in Public Enemies, but we'll let that pass. Again, blame the PR guys, who pushed for Cotillard as a Best Actress contender. They had to know what they were doing. Damn, I hate the press.

Adapted Screenplay

District 9

An Education

In The Loop

Precious

Up in the Air

It's going to Up in the Air. No, there's no debate. It's going to happen.

Original Screenplay

The Hurt Locker

Inglourious Basterds

The Messenger

A Serious Man

Up

I am seriously ticked off at the lack of (500) Days of Summer love, but I accepted a long time ago that the Academy would always disassociate themselves with my favorite movie of the year. It happened last year with The Dark Knight, and it happened this year. If Summer was a shoe in for anything, it was screenplay, but, what's done is done. Basterds will walk away with this one, because, quite frankly, Oscar voters have a big hard on for Tarantino, and justifiably so. I'd like to see Up win, but Basterds is the clear favorite.

So, there it is. I don't think there has ever been a year that was so easy to predict. I guess it's nice in that sense, but it takes some of the fun of watching the show away from us. Oh well. On the topic of other, not as major, awards, Up will, without a doubt, win Best Animated Feature and Best Score, Avatar will sweep the technical awards, and The White Ribbon will win Best Foreign Feature Film. Ok, that's done. Expect some more coverage as we inch closer to March 7th. See you next time.

In A Just and Right World...

Nomination ballots for the Oscars were due yesterday. This year is shaping up to be a particularly tricky one to predict the outcome of, what with the ten best picture nominees and such. I didn't vote; the Academy doesn't even know I exist (story of my life). Even so, I feel the need to list off who should get nominated if the world behaved the way I saw fit.

Locks Are In Bold (These movies will get nominated.)

Probable Winners Are Bold and Italicized (These movies will get nominated, and most likely win. These may or may not be my preferences in the matter, just what I've observed thus far!)

Best Picture:

Avatar

The Hurt Locker (It's too tricky to tell who will win, The Hurt Locker or Avatar, but, it's between those two.)

Precious: Based on the Novel "Push" by Sapphire

Up In The Air

Inglourious Basterds

Up

An Education

District 9

(500) Days of Summer

Where the Wild Things Are

Best Director

James Cameron (Avatar)

Kathryn Bigelow (The Hurt Locker) (Again, it's too tricky to tell between these two!)

Quentin Tarantino (Inglourious Basterds)

Jason Reitman (Up In The Air)

Neill Blomkamp (District 9)

Best Actor

Jeff Bridges (Crazy Heart)

Colin Firth (A Single Man)

George Clooney (Up in the Air)

Joseph Gordon-Levitt ((500) Days of Summer)

Jeremy Renner (The Hurt Locker)

Best Actress

Sandra Bullock (The Blind Side) (Completely undeserving, but there it is.)

Meryl Streep (Julie and Julia) (May challenge Sandra, but doubtful.)

Carey Mulligan (An Education)

Gabourey Sidibe (Precious: Based on the Novel "Push" by Sapphire)

Zooey Deschanel ((500) Days of Summer)

Best Supporting Actor

Christoph Waltz (Inglourious Basterds) (It's not even a contest any more.)

Stanley Tucci (The Lovely Bones)

Woody Harrelson (The Messenger)

Anthony Mackie (The Hurt Locker)

Stephen Lang (Public Enemies)

Best Supporting Actress

Mo'Nique (Precious: Based on the Novel "Push" by Sapphire)

Vera Farmiga (Up In The Air) (The deserving winner.)

Anna Kendrick (Up In The Air)

Julianne Moore (A Single Man)

Marion Cottillard (Public Enemies or Nine, I don't care which.)

I don't know. To be honest, these awards are always a crapshoot! I guess we'll see how on the money I am in a few weeks when the noms are announced. Until then, my non-existent readers...

Globes Follow Up

Well, that was a bit of a cockslap... but only in some respects. The 67th Annual Golden Globes just finished airing, so, as always, I'm going to give you my lowdown on how the night turned out. Avatar came out as the big winner of the night, winning both Best Picture-Drama, and Director. James Cameron was very gracious and indeed a little surprised that Kathryn Bigelow didn't win for The Hurt Locker, as was everyone else. I'm not that surprised myself. It was always going to come between Bigelow's war drama and Cameron's sci-fi epic. Inglourious Basterds, Precious, and Up In The Air didn't have the critical praise and relatable topic of The Hurt Locker or the commercial and critical success of Avatar. Besides, if I had to choose, I would pick Avatar anyway. Don't get me wrong, The Hurt Locker is a great movie, and if any film is going to challenge Avatar for its practically assured Oscar win, it will be that one. But Avatar has was just a better movie-going experience. It was revolutionary; you can't deny that now. But, I'm not gonna dwell on that anymore. It's between Avatar and The Hurt Locker for the big win, and I will be fine with either one winning. On to more interesting categories. There are three film awards that have me in a righteous fury right now. First off: Best Picture-Musical or Comedy, which The Hangover won. What? How the fuck did The Hangover win over (500) Days of Summer? How can anyone say that Todd Phillips' R-rated flick is better then Marc Webb's amazing rom-com, and keep a straight face? It's like comparing a fresh baked chocolate souffle, and one from a box. Both are good, but one is significantly better then the other. Since we're on the subject of lock of (500) Days of Summer love, let's move on to Best Actor-Musical or Comedy. Robert Downey Jr. won for his kickboxing badass turn in Sherlock Holmes. Again, what? Sure, Downey was entertaining, and one of the few good things about Holmes, but how could you say it was better then Joseph Gordon-Levitt's heartbreaking performance in (500) Days? The other nominees never stood a chance. Michael Stuhlbarg, for A Serious Man, hasn't garnered any buzz at all this awards season. Neither has Matt Damon, for The Informant. Daniel Day-Lewis would have stood a chance had Nine not failed with the critics and at the box office. So, it was between Gordon-Levitt, whose film has the critical praise, and Downey Jr., whose film boasts the big box office numbers. Guess the HFPA went for quantity over quality this year. On that note, let's move on the Best Actress-Drama. Sandra Bullock won for The Blind Side. Uggg. I don't get why people are so in love with The Blind Side. Sure, it's an uplifting story with a good message, sort of, but, as with most Hollywood movies, it makes it heavy handed and pretentious. Bullock does a good job, but, of all the people in this category, she was probably the worst, with the exception of Helen Mirren, who was only nominated because she's, well, Helen Mirren. This award should have gone to Carey Mulligan, for her marvelous performance in An Education. She has no chance of winning on Oscar night now, since she has been continuously snubbed by Bullock and Meryl Streep. On Oscar night, it's gonna be between those two. So, yeah. Those are my thoughts. On other notes, Ricky Gervais did a great job as host, and I'm thrilled that Glee won for best TV Show-Musical or Comedy. I don't know how Jane Lynch didn't win, but, at least the show was recognized somehow. Expect more coverage on the awards season as we get closer to March 7.

A Night in the Kodak Theatre

Here we go. It's going to be an exciting night; the night where so many people's dreams will come true or be utterly shattered. Not really, but a lot of people will lose a shit ton of money on their Oscar pools. For those who missed the show, here are the minutes. 

4:40: Brad and Angelina show up. The announcer on E! News goes bat shit crazy, which is to be expected. Ryan Seacrest chats up Penelope Cruz (she's gonna win tonight), Marion Cottillard, and others. The fashion people critique all the dresses. God, I hate these pre-show, red carpet exposes. Kate Winslet looks hot though. 

4:55: Ben Lyons predicts that Slumdog Millionaire will win Best Picture. Completely obvious and safe predictions for the win!!!! Robert Downey Jr. is clean shaven. What the hell is going on here? 

5:00: Josh Brolin sure as hell looks sexy. Diane Lane is a lucky woman. 25 minutes to go. Frank Langella prattles on about how he grew to love Nixon the man. Brad and Angelina seem to be in a hurry to get inside, seeing as they are not talking to anyone. Valentino sounds like he has emphysema, which he just might. 

5:10: The entire cast of Slumdog Millionaire, literally, the entire cast, mob the interviewer. Mickey Rourke still looks like a bad boy. 

5:20: The two most famous accountants in the world (tonight) stroll down the carpet with the winning envelopes. I can only imagine the security that has been thrown on those guys. Richard Jenkins is too damn modest!! 10 minutes.  

5:25: Is the bar the only place the funny people hang out? I would personally love to have cocktails with Jack Black. Can't say he would love to have them with me. 

Here we go!!

5:30: Wow this is lavish. Enter Hugh Jackman. Cue the funny monologue, which is actually pretty damn funny. Wait, what the hell is this? He's singing? HUH? Now he's dancing? Are these really the Oscars? He kidnapped Anne Hathaway!! Jesus Christ! Oh, wait, she was in on it. Oh my god, she has a voice. This song is actually really damn hysterical. I'm WOLVERIIIIIIINE!!!

 

5:40: Now that's over, he starts roasting all the nominees. Great. I'm starting to think that Meryl Streep is on roids now. Thanks Jackman. 

5:42: Yay, montage of acceptance speeches of Best Supporting Actress. It's all too introduce five previous winners, including Whoopi Goldberg, Eva Marie Saint, and Tilda Swinton. 

5:45: Best Supporting Actress: Penelope Cruz. Oh, that's a big surprise. If she didn't start crying, this would be one of the most cliched acceptance speeches ever. And she even apes Javier Bardem and finishes off in Spanish. Uggg... it's gonna be a long night. Why did they do this one first? Why didn't they get on of the boring ones out of the way in the beginning instead of one people actually care about?

5:55: Best Original Screenplay: Egads, Tina Fey and Steve Martin are so brilliant. C'mon In Bruges, COME ON!!! Oh, well, Milk deserved it as well. Congrats to Dustin Lance Black. Good speech man. Way to sneak in a political, Obama, like promise. 

6:00: Best Adapted Screenplay: God damn, Tina Fey and Steve Martin are hysterical. OK, and the winner is, Simon Beaufoy for Slumdog Millionaire. Oh, good, for a second there I didn't think he would thank Danny Boyle.

6:05: Best Animated Film: Jack Black and Jennifer Aniston bicker about how much money can be made by staring in an animated film. Then comes a montage of the animated movies this year, from Madagascar to Star Wars, as seen by WALL-E, who enjoys the hell out of it. Then, comes the actual award. It sucks that Black is up there. I mean, presenting an award that your film is up for, only to lose. Ooo... burn. Go WALL-E!!

6:10: Best Animated Short: Jack Black is such a narcissist. And the Oscar goes to, La Maison... oh, I can't spell that. Amazing that Pixar actually didn't win in an animated award. Nice short speech. We like that. 

Why are they getting all the ones that people care about out of the way first? I know they're trying to cut down on the show time, but seriously? At this rate, we'll have an hour of technical awards to end the show, and no one wants that.

Oh, I get it, we are going through the process of making a movie. Start with the script, then the technical awards, and so on. Ok, that's cool. 

6:17: Art Direction: Daniel Craig, smoldering as ever, presents with Sarah Jessica Parker. The Curious Case of Benjamin Button wins the first of it's many technical awards. 

6:20: Costume Design: As a rule of thumb, the movie with the most hoop skirts wins this one. So, The Duchess will walk away with this one. Yep, it never changes. Man, these things are so predictable. 

6:23: Makeup: I'd like to see The Dark Knight win here. But, of course, Brad Pitt was convincingly made into an old fart. So, The Curious Case of Benjamin Button takes Oscar number two. 

6:35: Oh good, Edward Cullen comes on with the chick from Mamma Mia to give us a retrospective of romance in 2008, set to a Coldplay song. Wow, this thing is pretty lukewarm. 

6:32: Cinematography: Ben Stiller parodies Joaquin Pheonix, including the massive beard. So brilliant. Slumdog Millionaire takes this one. 

6:40: Jessica Biel comes on to talk about some dude who pioneered CGI, then back to a commercial. What was the point of that?

6:45: The retrospective of comedies in 2008, as seen by Seth Rogen and James Franco, as directed by Judd Apatow. Comic Gold. Pure comic gold!! I now want make an Oscar statue into a weed pipe. 

6:47: Best Live Action Short: Rogen, Franco, and the Cinematographer from Saving Private Ryan. The winner is... uhh... something I can't pronounce. Check IMDB.

6:52: Hugh Jackman pitches us an idea for a musical, as created by Baz Luhrmann. This guy can sing. I'm impressed. Oh, wait, is that Beyonce? Yes, yes it is. All the men watching this suddenly started paying very close attention. It's a mash up of every single musical movie ever made. WHAT THE FUCK???? What the hell are Zac Efron and Vanessa Hudgen's doing there? Oh great, the Mamma Mia couple are there. THE MUSICAL IS BACK!!!!!!!!

7:02: Best Supporting Actor: Presented by the likes of Christopher Walken, Kevin Kline, Cuba Gooding Jr., and Alan Arkin. Prediction: And the Oscar goes to Heath Ledger. Verdict: Yep. I was right! Oh, this speech is heartbreaking. Just heartbreaking. 

7:11: The retrospective of documentaries in 2008.

7:14: Best Documentary: Bill Maher presents this award. He muses about how his documentary didn't get noticed at all. Then he insults God, but it's in good humor, so don't worry. No surprise, Man on Wire takes this one. They even get the guy who walked the rope on to the stage, where he proceeds to balance an Oscar on his face. Good move. 

7:16: Best Documentary Short Subject: Maher presents again. Smile Pinki wins here. We're half way done. Stick with me here. 

7:24: Retrospective of action movies. Did every action movie this year involve a balls to the wall car chase? I think so, according to this. 

7:24: Outstanding Visual Effects: Enter Will Smith. We get it, he loves action movies. Who will win this? Answer: The Curious Case of Benjamin Button. Yeah, that one was kind of in the bag. 

7:29: Outstanding Sound Editing: Way to mess up your lines there Will. Yay, The Dark Knight takes Oscar number two. 

7:31: Outstanding Sound Mixing: Will's not done yet. And the Oscar goes to Slumdog Millionaire. "This is unbelievable. We can't believe this." Amazing word choice there my friend. 

7:35: Outstanding Editing: Jesus, Smith, you are being overworked. Once again, Slumdog Millionaire. This beast in unstoppable. Danny Boyle flashes a thumbs up. Priceless.

7:42: Jean Hersholt Humanitarian Award: Eddie Murphy, no doubt still smarting from his Oscar robbery two years ago, presents this award to Jerry Lewis. He narrates a montage of Lewis footage, set to Viva La Vida, and Wonderwall. Lewis then takes the stage. Here comes the longest speech of the night, historically. Well not tonight. That was really concise. We love you Jerry!!!

7:50: Jackman introduces a medley of the original scores up for contention. It sounds great. 

7:53: Best Original Score: Alicia Keys comes out with Zac Efron to present. And of course, Slumdog Millionaire wins. We've had a bunch of Indian winners so far for this movie, and this is the first one to slip some Hindi into his speech. About damn time. 

7:55: Best Original Song: Alicia Keys messes up her lines. Instead of the usual deal where the songs are performed in their entirety, we get this 5 minute mash up of the three nominees. What a cop out. Peter Gabriel didn't show up to perform his song from WALL-E, so they got John Legend. A fair trade. And then to top it all off, they don't even perform the dance from the movie for Jai Ho. That's a shame. Then they start blending the two songs. What the hell? And then the Oscar goes to Jai Ho. Not a surprise. Only Foreign Language, Actress, Actor, Director and Picture left. 

8:05: Foreign Language Film: Liam Neeson, with Slumdog Millionaire's Freida Pinto on his arm, presents this. Surprisingly, Waltz With Bashir does not win. Instead, Departures, from Japan, takes it. 

8:11: Here's the incredibly long "in memorium" montage. It's a bit different this year, since Queen Latifah is singing a song over it. It's pretty good. The big ones on display here are Charlton Heston, Paul Newman, Sydney Pollack, and Bernie Mac.

8:18: Best Director: Best Actress winner Reese Witherspoon presents this. To no one's surprise, Danny Boyle takes this one. It's about damn time. He starts jumping on the stage with glee; he is apparently imitating Tigger, as part of a deal with his kids. He thanks a whole ton of people. He even thanks the guy who choreographed the ending dance sequence, whom he apparently left out of the credits. Smooth!

8:25: Best Actress: Presented by the likes of Sofia Loren, Shirley McClaine, Halle Berry, Nicole Kidman, and Marion Cotillard. It's between Meryl Streep and Kate Winslet, and the winner is... (drumroll)... Kate Winslet. Finally. After six snubs, my God, it was getting annoying! She gives a great speech, even throwing a few jokes at Meryl. 

8:36: Best Actor: Presented by the likes of Robert DeNiro, Ben Kingsley, Anthony Hopkins, Adrian Brody, and Michael Douglas. It's between Sean Penn and Mickey Rourke, and the Oscar goes to... (drumroll)... Sean Penn. Well, I don't mind. He was brilliant, you commie, homo-loving, sons of guns. 

8:47: Best Picture: Steven Speildberg, the guy Jackman's been trying to impress for the whole night despite his fake Australian accent, presents this. Before the big moment, a large montage of the nominees, and the movies that obviously influenced them, is shown. And the big winner is, not surprisingly, Slumdog Millionaire!!!!. Woot. The entire crew mobs the stage. It's a good moment. An indie film takes the Oscar again. 

Well, that's the show. Jackman gives his tip of the hat, and ends the ceremonies. All in all, it was a pretty good show. Jackman was certainly funny, and gave a great performance. It was certainly the most lavish Oscars to date. All things considered, it was worth watching.  

The Nominations

Well, they're here, and we can't do anything about changing them. This years Oscar Nominations hit the mark in some areas, and completely missed it in others. So, let's break it down. 

Best Picture

Four out of five of these are the right choice. The Curious Case of Benjamin Button, Frost/Nixon, Milk, and the sure winner, Slumdog Millionaire, are all worthy of recognition here. But, answer me this. What the fuck is The Reader doing on this list? Don't get me wrong, The Reader is a great movie, and it deserves at least some recognition. More on that later. But it does not even come close to Best Picture worthy. The fact that this film got nominated drives home the fact that Academy loves Holocaust pictures. What should have been nominated in place of The Reader? Simple, The Dark Knight. I know, it's a comic book movie, but come on. You can't honestly say that The Dark Knight is in the same league of any comic book movie that has come before it. It was the best movie of the year, in my opinion. I just think it's a shame that the Academy voters won't take a chance and start nominating summer blockbusters for the big categories again. Oh well.

Best Director

Again, with The fucking Reader. This category I am a little less biased towards, but I still think some choices were a bit off the mark. I don't think Stephen Daldry deserved to be nominated here. This is not his best endeavor to date, Billy Elliot takes that prize. I think either Christopher Nolan (The Dark Knight) or Andrew Stanton (WALL-E) should have taken his place. Nolan has consistently turned up great movies, and his vision of Gotham City was so inspired, it's a shame he has yet to be nominated. And Stanton stirred up more emotion with an animated robot then Daldry did with a flesh and blood Kate Winslet. That's gotta count for something. But, whatever. Danny Boyle is going to win this for Slumdog Millionaire. I can live with that. 

Best Actor

I have no major gripes here. I'm really glad Richard Jenkins got nominated for his fantastic performance in The Visitor. Here was a movie that kind of got lost in awards season shuffle. It's great to see it still had some steam. But, when it comes down to it, it's between Sean Penn for Milk, Frank Langella for Frost/Nixon, and, my favorite to win, Mickey Rourke for The Wrestler. Sure, Brad Pitt gives a great performance, but his curious case doesn't hold a candle to those three heavy weights. 

Best Actress

This will be the last time I complain about The Reader, I promise. First off, Kate Winslet deserves to get nominated for her role in this movie; she is brilliant. But, here's the thing, that's a supporting performance. Her role as a suburban house wife in Revolutionary Road was so much more provocative and emotive. Oh well. I have no problem  with any of the other noms. If I had to guess, I would actually say that Winslet is going to win. She has been nominated a few times before, but has never heard her name called. Enough is enough. Get her up on that stage, damn it!

Best Supporting Actor

At least the Academy didn't flake out on this one. I think it's great that Michael Shannon snatches Revolutionary Road's sole major award, and I can't help but smile at the fact that the Robert Downey Jr. got nominated for his role in Tropic Thunder. But, it's pointless to talk about them, or anybody else for that matter. Heath Ledger will win this Oscar for two reasons. A) His rendition of The Joker is not only the best performance out of these five, but of the year. B) What better way to pay respects to a major talent who went before his time? The Academy is not stupid. They will give this one to him, or risk the consequences. 

Best Supporting Actress

With Winslet out of the way, the road is paved for any of the five nominees to take this one. I think the best performance is Viola Davis in Doubt, but her performance is too small to garner any a real advantage. If there is a sure bet, it's Penelope Cruz for her role in Vicky Cristina Barcelona. She has suffered from multiple snubs before, so I think this year is the year that the Academy will acknowledge her talent. 

Best Original Screenplay

THANK GOD! The Academy must have heeded my prayers, because In Bruges was nominated. I think In Bruges has a legitimate chance of stealing the gold on Feb. 22, but the fact that it hasn't grabbed a big audience casts a little doubt over that. I think that best is either WALL-E or Milk. If I had to choose one, I would say WALL-E. I mean, Milk isn't technically an original screenplay that was cooked up in the mind of the writer. Plus, WALL-E was just the better movie. 

Best Adapted Screenplay

Yeah, no gripes here either. I think Benjamin Button takes a few too many liberties with F. Scott Fitzgerald's short story to merit any real consideration. The Reader is a bit too controversial, and we all know Academy voters don't usually go for controversial, and Doubt just hasn't gained enough momentum to have a chance. It comes down to Frost/Nixon and Slumdog Millionaire. I would actually choose Frost/Nixon as the winner because, while it didn't have the better story, it had the better script. But, this could be a sweep year for Slumdog Millionaire, so anything could happen. 

Best Animated Screenplay

Come on. Do I have to say anything? The nominees are WALL-E, Kung Fu Panda, and Bolt. Hmmm, I wonder who's gonna win that one.

So, there you go. My take on this years Oscar nominations. Expect more coverage as the date of the Awards draws closer. For now, that is all. 

Oh, wait, I'm not done yet. How the hell did Bruce Springsteen not get nominated for his amazing track for The Wrestler? That is the biggest screw up of the academy this year. Springsteen's track was far and away the best track featured at the Golden Globes, and it is far superior to the three songs nominated here. But, whatever. Here's to the cast of Slumdog Millionaire performing the dance to "Jai Ho" at the ceremonies. That would be sweet!