Wrath and Cheese

No one was really expecting anything from Wrath of the Titans. I mean, no one was really expecting anything from Clash of the Titans, yet that one still managed to disappoint. Regardless, a boatful of money can be very persuasive, and a sequel has befallen us underserving mortals. Boasting much of the same "talent", but with the scale ramped way up, Wrath of the Titans sits poised to deliver exactly what I had hoped for from the first. A ridiculous, relentless, effects heavy action flick. The first one was one of the most boring films I can recall seeing that year. This one... not so much. Sure, Wrath of the Titans doesn't have anything resembling a decent plot or a single well developed character. But it is so generous with the gonzo violence that I find myself strangely impressed by it. Though that could just have to do with my lowered expectations. Hm...

Whatever. Let's get into it.

Take me back James Cameron!

Hopped Up

Strange as it might be to hear coming from the... fingers of a person with somewhat refined taste in film, the fact remains that I dig the kind of movies that Mark Neveldine and Brian Taylor make. Though they have their names on some stinkers, I thought Crank was a fun, if formulaic flick. Crank 2, on the other hand, was the single biggest "fuck you" to mainstream action movies ever. Pretty much every single stupid thing you could imagine being packed into an action movie, Crank 2 had it. And I loved every single ridiculous inch of it. So, when I heard that Neveldine/Taylor were taking on the derided Ghost Rider franchise, my ears went all perky. Ghost Rider is the kind of comic book character that these guys were made for, totally insane and over the top. Now, the first Ghost Rider movie is one of the worst comic book films I've ever seen, so there wasn't much in the way of expectations for this one. That being said, there are elements to enjoy here. They are few and far between, and even though Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance doesn't quite get a recommendation from me, it does so in a very half hearted manner.

This is me on a good day!

Less Elementary Than Was Hoped For

I'm smart. Well, sort of. I mean, I do well in class, can usually communicate in clever ways with my peers, and am probably a little too self-congratulatory when it comes to my ideas for scripts. But, in no way am I smart enough to be a detective, and in no way am as smart as Sherlock Holmes. The character created by Sir Arthur Conan Doyle makes most modern day man, and women, come to think of it, look like bumbling buffoons. And if this modern day version of Holmes is to be taken seriously as a faithful interpretation of the character, he will kick your ass, drink you under the table, and be completely helpless when it comes to bromance. Sherlock Holmes: A Game of Shadows, in addition to having a title that I regret to admit I confuse with Game of Thrones, is a bigger, louder, more grandiose film than it's predecessor, and while it does do some things well, it does enough wrong and repeats enough of the mistakes from the first one to not warrant a full recommendation. Like the last one, it is still a lot of fun, but not much else.

Extreme Bromance!

Hypocrisy For the Win!

A few weeks ago, on the LAMBcast, I stated that I would rather see a political thriller than a family drama. This was the direct result of two movies being brought up, The Descendants and The Ides of March, both of which star George Clooney. I don't know much of anything about The Descendants, but The Ides of March has been high on watch list ever since the trailer was released. A smart, thought out, tense political procedural is something that we don't get enough of these days, and is something that is pretty damn relevant as the country starts to go politician crazy!

By the way, Michelle Bachman is nuts!

The Ides of March boasts a killer cast doing excellent work, a strong script based on an excellent play, with a solid director at the helm. And yet... I didn't really like it. I don't really know what happened. Maybe it went way over my head and I need to see it again, but whatever it was, I walked out of the theatre feeling a profound disconnect to the events on screen. I wonder if all politicians are like this, cuz if they are, I'm glad I'm not getting into the business.

Hey girl, do you like politics?

It's Called Bangkok For A Reason!!!!

Are sequels allowed if they don't really do anything new. Sure, Die Hard: Die Harder was set in an airport and all that, but all it was was Die Hard in an airport. Now, the studios would have you believe that this is totes-ma-gotes fine. After, they gotta make that ill money. But, does it matter to us, the cinematic viewer? Well, if the crowd I was just with at The Hangover: Part II is anything to go on, the answer is no. They were enjoying the hell out of it. But, did this pretentious, JoGo obsessed, Muse loving, 19 year old twit love it? No. The Hangover: Part II is not bad by any means. Had the first one never existed, this would be a truly special piece of comedy. But, the first does exist, making this one no more than a tired retread. It has it's moments, but it's not enough.

What could possibly go wrong?

What Dull Teeth You Have

Thank you Twilight. Thank you for warping our notions of what teenage girls like. Really, who knew that gothic imagery, hoaky storytelling, scenery chewing acting, and alt-rock soundtracks was really the bees knees? We owe it to you, then, for Red Riding Hood, a reimagining of the classic fable filled with, you guessed it, gothic imagery, hoaky storytelling, scenery chewing acting, and alt-rock soundtracks. It's by the same person who gave us Twilight, and it's no better. Sure, the wolf may have a vicious bite, but this movie is not interested in showing us the nitty gritty. It toes the line, but never crosses it, and that is not a good thing. Is Red Riding Hood awful? No. But, it's hard to excited about all the same. 

Huh... I forget my name. Was it Bella?

Looking For Love In All the Wrong Places

This is exciting. My first review of screener. Does this mean I'm selling out? Oh, who cares! I don't. I welcome it. Just think. I may soon be sent screeners of Oscar hopefuls and the biggest movies to come out. That probably won't happen for... ever, so, for now, I'll just stick with what I have. Beggars can't be choosers. For my first screener, I have to tackle the question of internet dating and all the qualms it brings. Clickin' For Love seeks to answer some of the questions that plague this hobby of some, and while it does shed some light on some aspects, it's too narrow minded about the whole thing, and, as such, all we are left with is a pretty biased documentary.

Muscle Milk

Men! We're a brutish subspecies, aren't we? For all our pandering, and romantic bullshit, and our useless groveling, we will always return to our most basic tendencies, those being, desiring to blow shit up, grunting, and doing excessively macho things like fighting wild boars or taking a bath in molten lava.
...
Ok, fine. Maybe that's a glorified description of how stupid men are compared to women, but, some of it strikes home. Traditionally, men will go for something fun, loud, and exciting, but ultimately hollow and forgettable. Which would explain why The Expendables, Sylvester Stallone's celebration of muscles and bullets and blood did so well at the box-office. It's a whiz-bang, hell of a good time action flick, but one that is devoid of all humanity and subtlety. Oh sure, it's a lot of fun, and you will walk away from the film chatting about how awesome that one part with the stuff and the thing was, but, wait a couple of days, and you'll be hard pressed to remember why you made such a big deal about it in the first place.

Lucky for us, no acting required!

Fall Break Roundup

New York City. It never sleeps. The subways smell. It's always crowded. I love it! So much energy, so much culture, it's mind boggling! I had a very busy weekend, a lot of which was spent catching up with old friends, but, the film blogger/entertainment junkie in me needed to be fed, so, Monday (Columbus Day) was spent at the theatre, taking in some films that have since eluded me thanks to my almost rural living situation at Bard. Since I have three films to write about, I'm just going to do it all here, rather than separate reviews for each one. See? I'm consolidating! You know you love it!

But first, another furry. This is a hedgehog!

Fine! More like a prickly, but it's cute, so screw you!

Taps

Day 12 of the Jo-Go train couldn't happen! I was busy packing for college (eek) and, as a "going away" present, my brother/parents treated me to Silversun Pickups at the Fox Theatre in Oakland. Twas awesome! Anyway, because of that, Day 13, the last day before my overview of the man, is a double feature. First up is a film that tries to be poignant and observational, but instead treads on the same ground that countless other films of its kind have trod on.

I don't know if you've heard, but war is hell! No, seriously! It sucks! I have nothing but respect for the men and women who go over there and fight to appease our ex-president's daddy issues. Many of those kids are my age or slightly older, and I know for a fact that they are braver and more courageous then I ever will be! They deserve our veneration and our gratitude, regardless of your opinion on the conflict. What they do not need is a whole bunch of stupid, anti-war films that do nothing to convey what these men and women contend with on the battlefield. Case in point, Stop-Loss. Here is a film that doesn't offer anything new in it's depiction of soldiers on the edge, wallows in cliché, and force feeds us the same message we've heard a thousand times. Which is a shame, because the movie is decently made and competently acted! Oh well!

We could show you, but we'd rather tell you!

Commando Pro

Day 11 of the JGL-a-thon sees me with nothing to watch. I went through all the ones on Watch Instantly that I wanted to touch on, and I'm still waiting on one more to be sent to me from Netfllix. For the record, I am saving (500) Days of Summer for the very end. So, today, I'm doing my first, and hopefully last, repost, spruced up to fit my current format. This review was written a year ago, and my writing was nowhere near up to the level it is now, so... don't judge me too hard. Also, some things might not make sense, but, again, this was written a year ago.

Well, I'm back from New York. I had a good time. I won't discuss it here. That's for another time. So, anyway, I'm back, so, it's back to business. I got lot's of movies to see. First off the assembly line is G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra. This one is a bit of a conundrum for me. G.I. Joe is awfully written, poorly acted, badly produced, with atrocious direction and worse special effects. But, I don't really care. Here is a movie that is so ridiculous, so stupid, so balls to the wall, eye rolling childish, yet, at the same time, so friggin' awesome, that I can't really give it the Michael Bay treatment. So, fine. G.I. Joe, you are not awful, but don't let it go to your heads. 

Say Hello To The Team!

Incestuous Pugilism

Day 10 of my justification of what is, quite possibly, the most intense man-crush in the history of man-crushes gets really absurd.

This may sound weird, but hitmen fascinate me. Well, hitmen as characters fascinate me; I don't know about the real people; I don't know any... I don't think. Anyway, contract killers as characters in film have always been interesting, and usually provide some seriously meaty substance. Pulp Fiction anyone? How bout' In Bruges? Ok, the point has been made. They usually make conflicted and complicated characters that we are continually invested in. Well, it would seem that these traits, or any traits that make up a good film, were deemed not necessary to add to the pot when creating Shadowboxer. This is a pretty terrible movie, and yet, I find myself, strangely, not hating it. This is a classic example of a film, so wonderfully over the top, so friggin' absurd, so unapologetically demented and insane, that a full lambasting would just seem like cruelty.

Creepiest! Affair! Ever!

Smells Like Teen Spirit

Day 5 of JGL fever is gonna mess you up!

You know a movie is indie when you look at the first few frames and all you want to do is throw up from motion sickness. If you haven't figured out my opinion on the matter, I'll just lay it out for you. I believe that style, when used effectively, can salvage lack of substance, somewhat. A movie may have nothing in the story or acting department, but it can cover for it with a certain sense of slickness. Look at Wanted. That's what I believe, but I also believe that it can work in the opposite direction. Too much style can squander substance, especially when the substance in question is very well crafted. Manic is such a film. This 2001 indie boasts strong writing and incredibly powerful performances, but, the cinema verité look that the director chose to go with distracts from those things so much that you sometimes don't even notice them. It single handedly brings this film down from a YAY, to an eh.

You couldn't get more screwed up than this if you tried!

Defined As When the Moon Passes Over the Sun

Ok, let me confess something! I have no idea how to write this review of The Twilight Saga: Eclipse. Everything I say will have zero effect on formulating your opinion of this franchise. But, you have to start somewhere, right? Let me say this. I walked out of Eclipse with a slightly more enthusiastic pop in my step then there had been with the other Twilight movies. That is to say, there was a pop in my step. Don't get me wrong, Eclipse is still a pretty painful, at times excruciating, film to sit through. But, the improvements here are noticeable enough that the anguish is lessened significantly!

World's Most Unconvincing Love Triangle

POST #100: Just Barely Coming Together!!

Man, talk about a dry spell! There have not been any BIG movies to write home about since Iron Man 2. I'm actually getting worried here. Summer is supposed to be the most exciting time at the theaters, but this year would suggest otherwise. Sure, there have been plenty of blockbusters coming out, but none of them have that special something that makes a film BIG. The A-Team is the latest in a long line of contenders to attempt to fix this problem. It's not up to the task, but it is a perfectly average time at the movies. The latest in a dynasty of television shows being made into movies, The A-Team maintains all the campiness of the show, but shoots itself in the foot by a dumb plot and loose acting, not to mention some shoddy CG. It's enjoyable, but forgettable. 

Boom!

No Tights This Time

Now that the first BIG movie of the summer has reared its money guzzling head, we've entered the area of the season that I like to refer to as, "The Almost Dead Zone". For the next few weeks while we wait for the next BIG one to open, we are treated to slew of semi-big movies that were released at this time just so the studios could brag that they released a summer blockbuster. While we wait for Toy Story 3, we have to contend with MacGruber, Sex and the City 2, Prince of Persia, Get Him to the Greek, The A-Team, and The Karate Kid. However, before we get to those, we have to discuss the one that's leading this merry charge, Robin Hood (see what I did there?) After contending with the most deviously misleading marketing blitz ever, this Ridley Scott epic is here for our enjoyment. It boasts a sweeping story, a grand scale, and performances from two of the finest actors working today. What's the verdict? Eh...

Yes. It is as epic as it looks!

Only Mildly Elementary...

I'm gonna keep this short. I have some college apps to finish...

So, Sherlock Holmes is a reimagining, of sorts, where the super sleuth looses the deer stalker cap and magnifying glass, and is instead a tough-as-nails, hard drinking, badass with an attitude. His partner, Dr. Watson is about to move out of their flat on 221 B Baker Street with his fiance, which is leaving the good detective in a funk. Nothing like a case involving an evil lord returned from the dead, the occult, and a plan to overthrow the entire British government to liven up one's day. It's an interesting plot, but it ends on a pretty anti-climatic note. It's enough to keep you interested in between brawls.
Robert Downey Jr. plays Holmes. He's a pleasure to watch, very funny and tough. Jude Law is Watson, who is also good. His verbal sparring with Downey Jr. is some of the best this year. It's an interesting interpretation of the first bromance in history. Rachel McAdams is Irene Adler, the love interest for Holmes. She's fine, I guess, but she is just overpowered in every scene by Downey and Law. Mark Strong is the villain, Lord Blackwood. He's very good up until the end. At first he's quiet, subdued, and oh so scary. Then he drops all that in favor of a bombastic and loud revelation to the masses. Performances are alright, with Downey clearly the best.
Guy Ritchie, who, as you know, is responsible for films like Lock, Stock, and Two Smoking Barrels, Snatch and Rock n Rolla, directs, with his usual frenetic style. There are some undeniably cool scenes, but it gets boring after a short while, so that the final confrontation of top of Tower Bridge just feel halfhearted. There are some funny moments, especially when Holmes and Watson are bickering, but the rest of the plot makes very little sense, and just seems like filler so that we can get to the big twist in the very end that sets up inevitable sequels. I hate it when people do that.
Sherlock Holmes is alright if you are just looking for some cheap movie going fare for the rest of your holidays. But, at 128 minutes, it's almost as long as Avatar, which is much better use of your money. There's some hope for the franchise, if this is the direction that the character is going, but, as it stands, Sherlock Holmes is fun, but completely unnecessary. B-

It's So Grim!!

I must say...

I do love a lot of the animated films that come out these days. Indeed, some of them are among the best movies I've seen, but I can't deny that they are almost all, universally, aggressively kiddy in one way or another. For every WALL-E there's a Monsters vs. Aliens, a Cloudy With A Chance of Meatballs, a Kung Fu Panda, and a Madagascar to go with it. Imagine my joy when I heard that 9, an animated movie aimed specifically at adults, was getting released. Imagine my disappointment when I discovered it wasn't all it was cracked up to be.

It's the future... or the past. I don't know. The movie doesn't do a very good job of telling us exactly what time period this takes place in. I'm just gonna say that it's some alternate reality and be done with it. Anyway, 9 is the next in a long line of humans vs. machines films, the only catch being that it picks up after the conflict, which the humans pathetically lost! Every single thing that was ever living on the earth, from humans, to animals, to plants, the those little bacteria that would come in so handy should aliens arrive, has been killed. That's not to say that the planet is lifeless though, no, no. Wandering the landscape are little burlap sack puppets, who have been given life by the scientist who created the machines in the hope that they may remedy his mistake, with nine in total. Unfortunately, the newest member of the group, 9, accidently awakens the original, and most powerful, machine, causing him and stichpunk allies a whole lot of trouble as they contend with an ever growing army of metal menaces. 9 is based on the Oscar nominated short of the same name. It follows the same general plot, albeit with a lot of things changed up for longevity. The setup is very compelling, but the execution is a bit stingy. More on that later...

Since this is an animated feature, the only acting on display is voice acting. There is no shortage of talent here. Unfortunately, it's all, more or less, wasted. Elijah Wood voices 9, and he's probably the worst of the bunch. I don't know what it is, but his voice just doesn't work for this character. Everything he says just sounds so stupid. I guess that can be attributed in some part to the script, but, this is the guy who tugged on our heartstrings as Frodo. You expect better! Jennifer Connelly plays the second most visible character, and most badass, 7. Again, her voice isn't right for the character, but she does bring more charisma to it then Wood. Crispin Glover is completely wasted as 6, as is Martin Landau as 2. Neither of them barely says anything, and when they do, it's all jabber. I wish we heard more of them. The two best voices are that of Christopher Plummer as 1, the leader of the group, and John C. Riley as 5, the medic/voice of reason. Plummer's old and cranky voice is perfect for 1, and pretty much anything Riley does these days turns out brilliant. In terms of voice acting, this is not the best the biz has to offer. I wish the producers and director were ballsy enough to make this a dialogue free movie, like the short. That would have been really cool. Also, and this is probably because the film was animated, but there is a lot, and I mean A LOT, of gasping in the movie. It got really annoying after awhile.

Director Shane Acker, who is also the man behind the short, and producers Tim Burton and Timur Bekmembetov have finally made a animated film that suitably be called a film for adults. The world of 9 is one of the grimmest I have ever seen on screen. It so masterfully creates this bombed out world, thanks to the wizardry of computer animation, and goes all out with the depressing and scary aspects. One of the first things that 9 sees after he wakes up the beginning was a dead mother holding her dead infant. That image right there immediately told me that this was not going to be the type of animated film where everyone gets what they want in the end, and where everything works out. This movie is leagues ahead of Terminator, The Road Warrior, or I Am Legend in terms of atmosphere and creating a sense of dread in the audience. And it bears mentioning that those movies created that atmosphere really well! But, thanks to a script that lingers on the side of awful, the atmosphere doesn't go as far as it should. The film focuses mainly on big action set pieces, with the dolls facing off against the machine of the week, including the cat from the short, a bird/stingray hybrid, a ridiculously scary snake like thing, and the big machine that controls everything. The violence is the main selling point here, and , though it is often thrilling, it just draws attention to the fact that the few scenes of dialogue are absolute shite! Not one of the characters here has anything to interesting or thought provoking to say. Also, I had a real problem with pacing in this movie, especially in the beginning. 9 wakes up and gets discovered by the rest of the group, and less then two minutes later, he's talking with them as if they were old chums who went pint after a hard days work on the factory floor. Didn't seem real at all! Thankfully, the action is quite good! All the machines look appropriately fiendish and evil; and all the dolls get to do something cool at some point, although that task usually falls to 7, and, thankfully, there are an appropriate amount of large explosions and cheer worthy moments to keep you interested enough to sit through it.

9 is not a bad film. I appreciate it in that it is an animated film for a more mature audience (that PG-13 rating isn't playing around), and that it brilliantly creates a sense of terror in this new vision of the apocalypse. It's disappointing that none of these good things were as fully realized as they could have been. An awful script and average voice acting bring the overall product down significantly. I'm still saying that it's worth seeing. You just might be better off waiting until it comes out on Blu-Ray. At least then you can mute it.

C

Who Knew Robots Had Such Diverse Accents...

Uggg... 

Why do I do this to myself? Why do I stay up until the wee hours of the morning to review a movie everyone is going to see anyway, I ask myself? And I answer myself, because I like to, every now and then, fool myself into thinking that this is a legitimate blog, that people actually read what I write, that what I write is actually noticed by the film industry, and where my opinion actually counts for something. So, I go to the theatre at 9:30 for a 12:00 movie, because, you know, I want good seats. I sit through the repeating adds and movie trivia until I can recite them with my eyes closed. Maybe I'll go sit in on another movie to pass the time. Then, I contend with a slew of trailers no one really cares about. Then I get to the actual movie I intend to watch, and, what do you know, it probably wasn't worth it. Then I come home, at 3:00 in the morning mind you, and write this thing, which people probably won't read, and it will probably be lost in the vast nethers of internet subspace, where no one will speak of it again. Man, I am masochistic. Ok, where was I. Oh, right, Transformers...

So, yeah. It's a sequel, like we don't have enough of those already. Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen is the second installment in the wildly popular Transformers franchise. It is bigger, louder, brighter, and more ridiculous then it's big brother, and I mean that in a, good, not great, sort of way. It has the all the stuff that made the first one surprisingly good, but it has too much. Director Michael Bay has once again proved to us that he does not know when to say when. Typical!

So, plot wise, it's all summed up in the title. It's been two years since the righteous Autobots and their leader, Optimus Prime, handed the evil Decepticons their metallic asses in the fiery conclusion to Transformers. Since then, they've been working with the American Military to weed out any remaining evil doers. When one particularly destructive mission in Shanghai yields some pretty worrisome information, Prime and his Autobots prepare to face a whole slew of enemies, both familiar and new, as the Decepticons gear up for their, you guessed it, revenge. And that's only half of the story here. The rest centers on the teenage dweeb with the super hot girlfriend from the last movie, Sam Witwicky, as he goes off to college, hoping to leave his troubles with the aliens behind him. But, as luck would have it, some of his actions in the last movie have left valuable information burned into his brain. So, now the robotic harbingers of death are out to oust this info from him. So, Sam has to go on the run from them, whilst dealing with relationship issues, parental issues, and generally stupidity on the part of everyone else involved. Confusing, ain't it? It's a sequel plot in every way, which means, more, more, and more. It's fairly compelling, but it's clear that everything that happens is just filler so we can get to the massive confrontation between good and evil in the last act. I call shenanigans. 

Acting wise, Revenge is just as strong as the first one. Then again, that's faint praise. The best actor on screen here is still Shia LaBeouf as Sam. He's really good at the fast talking, socially awkward, teenager who just happens be the key to Earth's salvation. And he would own the movie, if not for one thing. See, usually, when you go to college you get a roommate. And, as it happens, Sam's roommate is essentially, Sam himself, albeit with a little Latino and a lot more cowardice thrown in to spice things up. This new guy, Leo, played by Ramon Rodriguez, is exactly like Sam. He talks fast. He's socially awkward. And, he is... well, he's not the key to Earth's salvation, but he helps out along the way. He's fine, I guess, but he is more or less copying LaBeouf, and it's easy to tell who is the more comfortable one. Meghan Fox is back as well, playing the sex object  Mikaela, Sam's super hot girlfriend. I don't think she did a good job the previous movie, and that statement holds true here. She is only there so teenage boys who have no social life can ogle her as she leans her perfectly tanned body, all bedazzled in jean shorts and tight tank tops, over a motorcycle while the sweat from the sun slowly slides down here voluptuous thighs and the wind... sorry, don't know where I was going with that. Other returners include Kevin Dunn and Julie White, who are still a hoot as Sam's parents, Josh Duhamel and Tyrese Gibson as the two most masculine soldiers on the planet, and John Turturro as former government agent Simmons, who now works in a deli. Most of the performances are the exact same thing we saw in the previous one. It's a little disappointing. I'm not gonna talk about the voice work of the robots. It's voice work for a robot. If it didn't sound forced, I would shocked. 

I have never made my disdain for Michael Bay a secret in these reviews, but I can not help but applaud him for what he did with Transformers. All his other movies previously had been either too loud and stupid (The Rock), didn't stick with a good idea for long enough (The Island), took too many liberties with source material (Pearl Harbor) or were just plain awful (Armageddon, Bad Boys II). But, the single flaw that killed them all was that they took themselves way to seriously. Bay was seriously trying to make a moving drama out of a ridiculous premise that involved a Texas sized asteroid on a collision course with Earth? No wonder he failed. What made Transformers so refreshing is that it knew how stupid it was being. It knew how ridiculous it was, and, as such, didn't take itself seriously at all. So with that out of the way, we could actually enjoy the movie. Revenge takes a step back from this, albeit a small one. There's more drama in this one, and as such, more scenes where you'll be rolling your eyes instead of marveling at the ridiculous special effects. But, it's not terrible. It's hard for a movie about robots who turn into cars to take itself too seriously. 

Now, about those special effects. Holy Jesus, they are good. Not only are the special effects off the charts, the fight scenes are better put together and more exciting to watch. Unfortunately, Bay makes a critical error and puts the best action scene only an hour deep in the movie. This is another deviation from the formula of the previous movie. The original at least kept the awesomeness of the action to a minimum so that the final battle was easily the best of the show. Here, no such luck. The best fight involves Prime and three Decepticons as they duke it out in a forest. It's well choreographed, well shot, and shows off the best of the special effects wizardry at Bay's disposal. Also, it shows Prime for the badass he should be. If you recall, in the first movie, he seemed kind of helpless. That scene in the forest is so well done, that every action piece after that one (And there are a lot!!) is just kind of boring, especially the climatic battle. Sure the amount of pyrotechnics and slow motion shots has been upped for the finale, but, when stripped to its bones, it's a just a bunch of robots shooting at each other. Yawn. Be that as it may, this is easily the loudest, best looking, and visually exciting movie to come out this year, with the possible exception of Star Trek.

It's become a habit of mine. I catch a midnight premier of what I deem to be the biggest movie of the year. If you follow my reviews, you'll remember that I pulled the same stunt last year for The Dark Knight. Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen will easily make the most money of any movie this year, and not surprisingly. It's loud; it's stupid, but, when it comes down to it, it's fun. Really fun! Sometimes, that's all that's needed. If you go in expecting some great masterpiece, get your head examined! It's a movie about anamorphic robots for Christ's sake. Just enjoy what you can get! Revenge is far from the best movie of the summer. It's actually pretty bad. But, it sure is a good time. B-

I Machine, Red In Eyes and Itchy For Fight!!

Well, we all knew it would come sometime. It was inevitable that the money guzzling powerhouse known as Hollywood would one day decide that one of the most beloved sci-fi franchises in history still had some steam in it, long after it had been put to sleep for good. So, that powerhouse decided to make Terminator 3. 6 years later they do it again. So now, we have Terminator Salvation, a great looking flick that is devoid of all humanity and subtlety. It is also quite possibly the loudest movie that will come out this summer, other then Transformers 2. 

So, after a title sequence that pays obvious homage to original, we meet Marcus Wright, a death row inmate who is given the chance to help a good cause by donating his organs when the big men upstairs decide to shuffle him loose the mortal coil, which he accepts, because he's one of those remorseful types, you know? Fast forward 15 years, and the world looks a little different. Machines, led by the computer program Skynet, have rained an ungodly amount of nukes on humanity, and the survivors of the fiery holocaust are fighting back. At the heart of this resistance stands John Connor, who has not yet risen to his destiny as the man who will one day lead humanity to victory against the metal menace. Lately he's been receiving a lot of jaw from his commanders, which is seriously ticking him off. Most of his efforts are on locating and protecting Kyle Reese, his father, who is actually younger then him, but goes back in time to fight off a Terminator sent to kill John's mother, and impregnates her there. It's a little weird. Watch the first one. Amid all the chaos, a new player emerges. It's, guess who, Marcus, who, we are meant to believe, has been comatose for the last decade and a half. As Connor and Marcus' paths cross, more carnage and explosions occur, all culminating in a massive confrontation at the Skynet HQ with a ridiculous cameo from a certain someone. In terms of story and characters, Salvation fails miserably. Like the last entry in the series, it relies more on action and bigger and bigger explosions to tell the story, rather then actually telling the story with, you know, talking. 

Christian Bale plays Connor. To be honest, I was actually really bored with his rendition of this human messiah. It's not that it's something we've seen in the character before, it's just that it's the exact same thing Bale has done in all of his recent movies. I want to see Bale play a smooth talking, slightly disturbed, extremely vain business man again like in American Psycho. Here, he plays Connor so gruff and agitated, you'd think he forgot to take off the bat ears. Sam Worthington, as Marcus, on the other hand, is very good. Worthington, an Australian brick layer, was largely unknown until, well, Friday, but now, with this and James Cameron's Avatar this winter, he is fast becoming a star. And Thank God, because he has the chops. Most of his dialogue is ridiculous and cheesy, but he handles it surprisingly well. In reality, this is Worthington's movie. Sure, Bale is listed as the main star, but Worthington's character gets the most screen time and goes through the biggest character arc, which is a good thing, because Marcus struggling to cope with an unfamiliar world is so much more interesting then Connor shouting a lot. There are really no other performances worth mentioning, except for Anton Yelchin as Kyle Reese. He's fine, but I couldn't looking at him without think "What the hell is Chekov from Star Trek doing in this movie?" As with story, Salvation is weak in terms of acting. It is only saved by Worthington.

Now, apart from acting and story, Terminator Salvation is not the pile of garbage that we all thought it was going to be, and all that is thanks to action and special effects, which are top notch. Unlike most action directors, MCG (Now that's a name) is smart and relentless with his violence. Like Zach Snyder, he crafts meticulous, well shot, exciting, and very satisfying scenarios rather then shaking the camera or going the documentary approach on the whole thing. A lot of the action scenes are quite well done, especially the one from the trailer that has Kyle and Marcus in a truck running from machines that look like motorcycles. The opening sequence actually reminded me a little of Apocalypse Now, with helicopters dropping off soldiers and planes dropping napalm. As a plus, the explosions in this movie are awesome to behold, and there are a lot of them. In just the first 20 minutes you will see an air strike, a guided missile, various grenades, and nuclear warhead, all go up in flames. Let me reiterate, that's only the first 20 minutes. The rest of the special effects are quite good as well, especially the iconic terminators. In past movies, they've moved around like a 70 year old with arthritis, and, despite looking scary as hell, never seemed to pose much of a threat. Not the case here. Thanks to special effects wizardry, the T-800 in this movie is agile, swift, and dangerous. Actually, come to think of it, all the machines in this movie look ten times more dangerous and scary then in the others. The familiar ones, like the Hunter Killer and the regular terminator look so much better, and the new ones, like the Hydrobot or the hulking Harvester are welcome additions to the series. Not all the special effects are fantastic though. Yes, I'm going to give it away, but Arnold does make an appearance via CGI as a muscle clad terminator. He looked like a ken doll. It was a little off putting. 

Now, despite all the action in this movie being so damn exciting, a lot of it does nothing to further the plot. It is all just chaos. In the last three movies, there was a clear villain, something that needed to be killed. Here, it's a little harder to determine what the main villain is. Sure, the computer controlling the machines is the obvious target, but we never see it. And since there is not a single one terminator that is constantly harassing our heroes, a lot of the action goes nowhere. Thousands of men are dying all around you, but you never got a chance to know them, so all the attachment that was felt in T1 and T2 is completely lost. MCG directs his action very well, but, when it comes to crafting characters we care about, a story that is compelling, and getting acting that is up to the caliber of the stars, he is hopeless. 

Terminator Salvation is not the abomination that we all thought it would be. Indeed, it is actually surprisingly decent as an action movie, and will provide surefire entertainment for a solid two hours. However, if you are looking for a movie on par with T2, look elsewhere. The next installment in the Salvation series may come closer to being up to snuff with James Cameron's masterpiece, but, as it stands, it will have a long way to go. B-