August 30, 2010

Trailer Trash: 127 Hours

It's time to root through some trailers! What sort of wonderful things will be alluded to today?

Amazing what winning an Oscar can do for you as an artist! Up until Slumdog Millionaire, Danny boyle hadn't exactly been known to work with big stars. The Beach is the one exception to this rule! Well, now that he has an Oscar under his belt for a film that many believe will become a classic in a fe years, he can work with pretty much anyone he wants.

127 Hours tells the infamous story of Aron Ralston, a mountain climber who was forced to amputate his arm with a dull knife when it became pinned by a falling rock! First off, allow me to make an exclamation of uncomfortableness at the concept of going through what he went through.


Ok, anyway! James Franco plays Ralston! I like Franco. I haven't seen him in awhile, due to the fact that he's been at NYU (grrrrrr!) and I don't watch soap operas! Anywhoo, the trailer makes it see like a one man show, so, here's hoping he can channel some of the mad genius that he brought to the table in Pineapple Express.

Boyle looks to be utilizing his usual, frenetic style for 127 Hours! Many of the shots look identical to some seen in Slumdog Millionaire, what with all the desert tundra and orange colors! And, I get a huge kick out of the segment that sees Franco and his two lady friends plummet through a crevice and into an underwater lake. If I wasn't so much of a pussy, I might think of doing something like that someday!

The trailer looks cool! I'm just a little worried as to how the movie will go about telling its story! An hour and a half of a guy pinned in the same position can only be interesting for so long. Other then that, it's Danny Boyle! I love everything he touches! I'm there!

August 28, 2010

Sweet Emotion

I am kicking myself right now! For my final paper for L&T, I had to write about something under the absurdly broad statement, "What makes us human?". I settled on how humans can feel emotion and things of that nature. It was a good topic, one of which there are plenty examples with which I could have used to back up my claim! So, why am I kicking myself? Well, because one of the best examples that I could have used made itself apparent to me after I turned it in. It's a film, set in a world, where emotion is outlawed, thus reducing the population to, more or less, zombies. It would have been perfect, but I couldn't use it! AGHGHGHGH!!! Equilibrium is an ingenious sci-fi actioner that poses good ideas and has awesome fights, but is marred by a shoddy script and some weak acting. It's not great, but it's not terrible either!

We'll still be using katanas in the future! May not be as practical, but it looks sweet!

August 25, 2010

According to the Movies #8

If the movies say it, it must be true!

In keeping with the stuff my L&T professor has made me watch, today's lesson concerns death! Death is always there in movies! There's barely a film that doesn't have someone dying in some capacity, be it a character we have gotten to know throughout the whole thing, or hordes of faceless henchmen falling before a never ending hail of machine gun fire! You cannot escape death in the movies. Many have tried; all have failed!

The Lesson: You cannot cheat death! You can try, but you'll fail!

If you try, it will either turn out like this...

...or like this!

Bon Appétit! :)

August 23, 2010

Trailer Trash: Love and Other Drugs

It's time to root through some trailers. What sort of wonderful things will be alluded to today.

Today's trailer is for a film that's already been getting rave reviews and looks primed to be a force to be reckoned with come Oscar time. It's Love and Other Drugs, starring Jake Gyllenhaal and Anne Hathaway. Gyllenhaal's character, Jamie, is a cut throat pharmaceutical salesmen who is busy selling the ultimate drug, Viagra! He lives a lavish lifestyle, complete with more tail than Hugh Hefner would know what to do with. He finds himself wanting something different, though, when he meets Maggie, played by Hathaway. They fall in love! But, there's one bump in the road. She has Parkinson's.

Love and Other Drugs is directed by Edward Zwick...

Wait, WHAT? Ed Zwick? The guy who has made a name of himself by making "politically correct" action films like Glory, The Last Samurai, and Blood Diamond? Uh, yeah, same guy! As far as I know, he hasn't done anything like this, so I'm anxious to see how he does. If early reviews from festivals are to be believed, he nailed it.

This trailer is pretty good! It's funny, sweet, and has left me interested in going to see this when it comes out. I love Gyllenhaal and Hathaway, and am looking forward to seeing them reunited again on the screen in a relationship that actually has a hope of working for a change. It's not a spectacular trailer, but, for a first, it's good enough. Hey, it got me excited! Good enough.

Also, it looks like Hathaway is going to be getting naked a lot! That's a win!

August 19, 2010


Ok, so, I know this site is dedicated to movies, but, this is, like, the coolest thing ever!

Muse + The Edge = SEX!!!!!

Death and All of His Friends

Gotta love the artsy, liberal, hipster school, don't ya? For this three week seminar I'm a part of before school actually begins for real, I am required to attend screenings of some pretty interesting movies. One of them was just weird and surreal, and, as such, I have nothing to say about it (The Spirit of the Beehive). The other I honestly slept through (Killer of Sheep). What? It's college. I have work and I'm staying up till one or two most nights. Don't lay judgement on me; you know you were the exact same way! But, I digress. Where were we? Oh, right. The third film that the L&T professors have required me to watch, so far, is a bonafide classic. Wonderfully grim, surprisingly funny, with solid acting and beautiful imagery to boot. This is one classic that deserves a look.

Death takes his chess very seriously!

August 18, 2010

I Hate Technology

The internet here at Bard is iffy, to put it lightly! It was out all last night, so, not only did I have to do my work, internetless, but I was unable to write up this weeks lesson. Just as well, because I haven't had time to think of one. Not to worry though. I have two, maybe three, reviews to write. One is a recent movie, and two are from way back when. Keep a sharp eye! See you next time.

August 16, 2010

Trailer Trash: Unstoppable

It's time to root through some trailers. What sorts of wonderful things will be alluded to today!

With summer, winding to a close, we start to get some interesting movies thrown into the mix, ones that don't involve explosions and noises that could deafen you! The upcoming film, Unstoppable, is, clearly, not one of those films!

So, there're these guys, and they work on the railroads. There's your old, grizzled vet! There's your newbie! They have to work together! They don't like each other! Nothing like a runaway train filled with hazardous material that is careening towards a major city to create a bond between rivals.

Denzel Washington is the vet, and Chris Pine is the newbie. Washington has been disappointing me as of late! I really disliked The Book of Eli, and The Taking of Pelham 123 was eh. He does do pretty well when he works with Tony Scott, though. Chris Pine, who has not been playing the "I'm the new captain of the Starship Enterprise" card as much as he should, is the newbie. I haven't seen him in anything high profile since he made Star Trek accessible, so, I'm anxious to see how he does.

This trailer is ridiculous! This looks like one absurd movie! From the looks of it, they are treating the runaway train as if it were a monster on the prowl! There is a scene where the national guard fires guns at it. IT'S A FUCKING TRAIN!!! What are you, hoping that it'll feel the bullets and be all like, "Oh, I'm sorry. I'll go home now!" REALLY?

The movie does look pretty fun though, and looks primed to deliver that hyper-kinetic style of action that only Tony Scott can provide. We'll have to see!

August 14, 2010

Poll Results: The Name

(The new poll is up! Take a gander, why don't you?)

So, about a month ago, DC was featured on the LAMB's Brutally Blunt Blog Blustering feature! Basically, the site is the focus of an article, and people go to it, get familiar with, and then, anonymously, mind you, critique the site in as brutal a fashion as possible. I actually fared pretty well, people liked my content and such, but one thing that came up more than once was the fact that the title, Detailed Criticisms, was a bit misleading. So, I opened it up to everyone else to weigh in with a poll! Here's what you all said!

Question: The anonymous critics at the LAMB say that the title, "Detailed Criticisms", is a bit misleading. Do you agree? Should I change the name?

1.) Yes, I do! The title of this blog has jack to do with the actual content! 1 vote! (Screw you!)

2.) Sure, why not? 2 votes! (Jeez! Indecisive much?)

3.) Psh! Naw, you crazy! It's perfect the way it is. 6 votes! (Much appreciated! Thanks!)

4.) Change it, but only if it's a really catchy title! 6 votes! (Alright.)

Well, gee! Thanks, guys! Way to put me into a predicament with that one! I guess it's up to me to weigh in on this one. I think I'm going to go with the name change thing! I've actually never really liked the title as it is, despite the fact that it makes for a really bitchin' banner! I'll get back to you on this one! Expect a another poll shortly!

In the mean time, here's a cat!

August 12, 2010

The FITS Awards: 2010

So, I realize that the summer season has a good two weeks left to go, but, I'm already at college, and the nearest theatre requires catching a shuttle that only runs once on Wednesday, and once on Saturday. Also, I'm making new friends and shit like that. Movies can wait for a little bit. So, I'm presenting my Fun In The Sun Awards a little early this year, as summer, for all intents and purposes, is over for me. Like last year, we have a bunch of categories, all a part of the Best and Worst type, with your usual Best/Worst Film, Action, Comedy, Direction, Fun, Sequel, New Franchise, etc. and so forth. So, with out further ado, let's go!

Before we start the ceremony, let's review the summer as a whole. I said in my Iron Man 2 review that I had high hopes for the summer. Those hopes were not realized. Movie goers were consistently disappointed with the offerings at the theatre this year. For every Inception or Toy Story 3, we had a Jonah Hex, or a The Last Airbender, or a Salt, or a Robin Hood to go with it. Granted, the best films of the summer were so friggin' good that it is not a total waste, but, compared to the last two summers, which offered plenty of top tier films, Summer 2010 was lacking.

Alright then! Let's kick this off!

August 11, 2010

According to the Movies #7

If the movies say it, it must be true!

This week's lesson, you are all aware of, even if you don't know it. It harks from Christopher Nolan's The Dark Knight. Heard of that movie? It was kind of a big deal two years ago. Made a lot of money. Everyone loved it. You know how it is. Anyway, this week's lesson comes from that.

So, as you know, Batman has a sweet getup. That black armor is oh so sexy, and really durable. At the end of TDK, Batman, and his suit have gone through hell. The pair has been dragged out of a building by a plane, almost blown up multiple times, mauled by dogs, shot at, and stabbed. Mr. Wayne, and his suit, have gotten away unscathed from all of them. However, in the very end of the film, Batman falls twenty feet. That, inexplicably, hurts him.


It's pretty durable, but it has its down sides. 

The Lesson: If you are going to wear the batsuit, a word of warning. It can withstand bullets, knives, explosions, car crashes, getting dragged through a city by a train, getting yanked out of a building by a plane, and vicious maulings by dogs. You'll be fine if these things happen to you. However, if you fall more than 15 feet? You better call your EMT.

August 9, 2010

The Happy 101 Award

Alright, so. There's this new meme going around the interwebs, which you all probably knew about, so, I don't really know what the point of this intro is. Anyway, it's "The Happy 101 Award". Basically, I just have to list off all the things that give me joy in my life. Peter over at Magic Lantern Film Blog was kind enough to tag me, so here goes.

1. Movies: Obviously! It's the whole point of this site. Why would I write extensively about something I hate. In all seriousness though, I friggin' love movies! They have always been there for me to escape into. It's been a tricky love affair, but, one that I've enjoyed immensely!

I dig the vibe!

2. Writing: Again, this one is obvious. Whether it's scripts, reviews, or yes, even essays, I always get a kick out of throwing my ideas out onto a piece of paper. On a side note: If you ever want to read some of my scripts, send me an e-mail.

I'm not this intense.

3. Theatre: It's the world I want to live in one day. Acting is my main passion, and one that I hope to pursue professionally. Broadway is unlike anything I have ever experienced, and every chance I get to go there is a chance I cherish. Some of my best memories have taken place in a theatre, from the first time I remember crying at a show (Les Miserable), or the time I got a standing ovation (Urinetown). It's the best place on earth.

I adore this show! You have no idea!

4. Music: I play it. I listen to it. I adore it. Rock stars are Gods to me, especially guitarists! Legends like Jimmy Page, David Gilmour, Jimi Hendrix, Alex Lifeson, Pete Townsend, and relative newbies like Matthew Bellamy, and John Frusciante friggin' inspire me. I wish I could play as well as these guys!

I wish I was this good!

5. Nic: My brother! He's awesome! Sure, he and I fight like damn bull dogs, but, most of the time, we are really chill. He's funny, smart, talented, and someone who I consistently enjoy the company of. He has also introduced me to a whole ton of awesome music! If you knew him, you'd love him.

Cool Guy!

6. Friends: Friends are the light of my life. I love my friends more than anything, some more than others, but they all deserve my veneration. These guys inspire me, support me, make me laugh, listen, are incredibly cool and exceptionally smart and talented. Seriously! Some of the best singers I have ever had the pleasure of hearing, among other things, are in my social circle. My new dorm mates, all 12 of them, are pretty boss as well!

I won't divulge the names, but these people fucking rock!

7. Cities: I am now attending a college in a fairly remote area of New York, but, this is not my ideal place, although it is awesome! Give me asphalt! Give me skyscrapers! Give me the blinding lights against the backdrop of dark purple night sky! There's nothing better!

New York State of Mind!

That's about it. So, let's see. Who has not been tagged.
Fuck it! I have neither the interest or time to figure who has and has not been tagged, so, if you have been tagged, please forgive me.

Simon from Four of Them
Aiden from Cut the Crap Movie Reviews
Mike from You Talking to Me?
Jess from Insight into Entertainment

Trailer Trash: Burlesque

It's time to root through some trailers. What sorts of wonderful things will be eluded to today?

Today's trailer carries lukewarm feelings for me. It has talented people in it, but... I don't know. Something about it turns me off.

Burlesque is about a young girl who comes to LA in search of stardom and fame, and, what do you know, she ends up as a waitress at a club. The club in question is run by a real bitch, who won't let the newbie get on the stage. Turns out, the new girl is one hell of a singer, and it's her voice that puts the club back on the map.

Directed by Steven Antin, Burlesque is a musical that is, shockingly, not based on Broadway hit. The cast includes Christina Aguilera as new girl Ali, Cher as her boss, Stanley Tucci as the club's stage manager, Cam Gigandet as a bartender who schmoozes Ali, an Eric Dane as producer who shows up at some point. The cast looks alright. Tucci is a genius; Gigandet is usually pretty good; I don't know about Cher; and I'm worried as hell about Aguilera. This just seems to a ploy to get her back in the spotlight. That never works out.

So, the trailer. I'm feeling very "eh" about this one. Nothing about it popped. It just seemed lazy and tired. The music numbers look cool, but then, they always look cool. So, I don't know. Maybe this will be good, but, I'm going in with tempered expectations.

August 8, 2010

Scheduleing Qualms

Stuff may go up a little later than usual this week. I'm still adjusting to the whole college thing. Bear with me!

August 7, 2010

Spreading the JGL Love

Here is the one place where you can find everything that was posted for my Jo-Go extravaganza. Hope this makes things easy.

My write up and thoughts on the man.

Why I think Joseph Gordon-Levitt and Heath Ledger have a lot in common.

My Reviews

(500) Days of Summer
10 Things I Hate About You
G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra
The Lookout
Mysterious Skin
Sweet Jane
Women in Trouble

Contributions From Other Bloggers

JGL Contributions

So, you've heard my low down on the man. What's yours? Here's what some other bloggers had to say! Thanks to everyone who contributed! Special thanks to Simon from Four of Them, who tagged along for the whole thing.

Total Film ranks the Top 10 JGL YouTube Moments.

Kai Parker of The List starts the revolution of Jo-Go!


(500) Days of Summer
Dan the Man's Movie Reviews
Foolish Blatherings
Marshall and the Movies

Dan the Man's Movie Reviews
Foolish Blatherings
My Film Habit

G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra
Dan the Man's Movie Reviews
Marshall and the Movies

Dan the Man's Movie Reviews
Foolish Blatherings
Four of Them
Marshall and the Movies

The Lookout
Marshall and the Movies
My Film Habit
Radiator Heaven

Dan the Man's Movie Reviews

Mysterious Skin
My Film Habit
Foolish Blatherings

Dan the Man's Movie Reviews
Foolish Blatherings

Four of Them

Women In Trouble
Four of Them

August 6, 2010

LAMBcast #33: Top 5 Reasons I Should Never Host

Be prepared as I thoroughly embarrass myself hosting this latest episode of the LAMBcast. For this episode, Nick, Jason, James, Kai, and I all came up with a Top 5 list to share with everyone. It went on forever, and we had a total blast. It's followed up, as always, by some Last Lamb Standing and Trailer Talk. Enjoy!

Note: This is the last one I'm gonna be doing for awhile! You know, college. So, if you enjoyed hearing me shoo the shit with these guys, you'll have to wait a little bit for the next installment. You never know. Maybe I'll work some stuff out and start my own podcast. We'll just have to wait and see.

The Man-Crush Explained!

"Acting's really difficult to talk about. If you could talk about so easily then you wouldn't have to act."

Over the past few days, I've blown through 13 movies, all of them starring Joseph Gordon-Levitt (14 if you count Inception). It's no secret that I pretty much worship the man, and this extravaganza of mine was a great way to express my adoration. But, all good things must come to an end, so, what is there left to do? Well, I have to sum up everything, now don't I? I have to give my final two cents on the man as an actor! I have to briefly revisit each performance. I have to explain why I would totally go gay for him (I'm actually (semi)serious about that!). Read on and enjoy... if you dare!

August 5, 2010

Jason Soto Can Suck It!

Part 2 of my Day 13 JGL double feature. This is it. The last film on my queue! What is it, you ask? It is the film, in my mind. It's the film I, controversially, I might add, listed as my pick for best movie of the decade! Some people out there think this film is dumb, unoriginal, and bland! I say, nay! This film is anything but!





Day 12 of the Jo-Go train couldn't happen! I was busy packing for college (eek) and, as a "going away" present, my brother/parents treated me to Silversun Pickups at the Fox Theatre in Oakland. Twas awesome! Anyway, because of that, Day 13, the last day before my overview of the man, is a double feature. First up is a film that tries to be poignant and observational, but instead treads on the same ground that countless other films of its kind have trod on.

I don't know if you've heard, but war is hell! No, seriously! It sucks! I have nothing but respect for the men and women who go over there and fight to appease our ex-president's daddy issues. Many of those kids are my age or slightly older, and I know for a fact that they are braver and more courageous then I ever will be! They deserve our veneration and our gratitude, regardless of your opinion on the conflict. What they do not need is a whole bunch of stupid, anti-war films that do nothing to convey what these men and women contend with on the battlefield. Case in point, Stop-Loss. Here is a film that doesn't offer anything new in it's depiction of soldiers on the edge, wallows in cliché, and force feeds us the same message we've heard a thousand times. Which is a shame, because the movie is decently made and competently acted! Oh well!

We could show you, but we'd rather tell you!

August 4, 2010

No According to the Movies This Week

I am too busy packing for my move east and finishing up my Jo-Go blog-a-thon to come up with a lesson for this week. Not to worry. I'll do my best to post one next week, because I know you all are just dying to hear the next one.

August 3, 2010

Astounding Similarities

There's been been a lot of talk as of late, through the grapevine, about Joseph Gordon-Levitt, and the type of actor he is. Inception has finally revealed him to the world in a big way, so now the critics and bloggers and people on ET have started to rave about him as if they have been following him for his whole career. One thing that has been coming up a lot has been the comparison between Jo-Go, and the late, great, Heath Ledger. Looking over each actor's resume, that is actually a comparison founded in strong evidence. So, is Joseph Gordon-Levitt the next Heath Ledger? I'll give you a few reasons why I think he could be.

It's absolutely uncanny!

August 2, 2010

Trailer Trash: Sucker Punch

It's time to root through some trailers! What sort of wonderful things will be alluded to today?

With my Joseph Gordon-Levitt blog-a-thon winding to a close, it's time to get back to regular stuff. Today's trailer is for a film that doesn't come out till next year, but it is already my most anticipated!

Sucker Punch is about... you know? I actually have no clue what it's about, but, I know what it has. It has hot girls kicking ass with katanas, broadswords, and a whole ton of guns. It has dragons! It has monsters! It has Nazis. It has dragons fighting Nazis. It has mechs jumping up into the sky to pulverize some biplanes. It has zeppelins crashing to the ground in a orgasmic display of destruction! It has an enormous cave troll, wielding a mini-gun! To hell with the story! I'm there on opening night! There is a plot about a girl who wants to escape from the mental hospital that she's locked up in, but, that's inconsequential when you have CAVE TROLLS WITH MINI-GUNS!!

As with all Zach Snyder movies, he employs a cast of relative unknowns to populate his world. For this, he has Emily Browning, Vanessa Hudgens, Jamie Chung, Abbie Cornish, and Jena Malone as his ass kicking heroines, Carla Gugino as... someone, and Jon Hamm as... someone else! I don't know. Nothing's been given away so far, so I have nothing to go on.

This is the coolest trailer I have seen in a hell of a long time! I don't remember the last time a less than two minute teaser got me this excited for a film. If this is anything to go on, Sucker Punch will be one, giant maelstrom of fire, steel, and dirt! Epileptics beware! The action looks top notch, as with all of Snyder's films! Whether or not it looks this cool in the finished product remains to be seen, but, Snyder has consistently impressed. No reason to suspect he won't do it here!


Commando Pro

Day 11 of the JGL-a-thon sees me with nothing to watch. I went through all the ones on Watch Instantly that I wanted to touch on, and I'm still waiting on one more to be sent to me from Netfllix. For the record, I am saving (500) Days of Summer for the very end. So, today, I'm doing my first, and hopefully last, repost, spruced up to fit my current format. This review was written a year ago, and my writing was nowhere near up to the level it is now, so... don't judge me too hard. Also, some things might not make sense, but, again, this was written a year ago.

Well, I'm back from New York. I had a good time. I won't discuss it here. That's for another time. So, anyway, I'm back, so, it's back to business. I got lot's of movies to see. First off the assembly line is G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra. This one is a bit of a conundrum for me. G.I. Joe is awfully written, poorly acted, badly produced, with atrocious direction and worse special effects. But, I don't really care. Here is a movie that is so ridiculous, so stupid, so balls to the wall, eye rolling childish, yet, at the same time, so friggin' awesome, that I can't really give it the Michael Bay treatment. So, fine. G.I. Joe, you are not awful, but don't let it go to your heads. 

Say Hello To The Team!

August 1, 2010

Incestuous Pugilism

Day 10 of my justification of what is, quite possibly, the most intense man-crush in the history of man-crushes gets really absurd.

This may sound weird, but hitmen fascinate me. Well, hitmen as characters fascinate me; I don't know about the real people; I don't know any... I don't think. Anyway, contract killers as characters in film have always been interesting, and usually provide some seriously meaty substance. Pulp Fiction anyone? How bout' In Bruges? Ok, the point has been made. They usually make conflicted and complicated characters that we are continually invested in. Well, it would seem that these traits, or any traits that make up a good film, were deemed not necessary to add to the pot when creating Shadowboxer. This is a pretty terrible movie, and yet, I find myself, strangely, not hating it. This is a classic example of a film, so wonderfully over the top, so friggin' absurd, so unapologetically demented and insane, that a full lambasting would just seem like cruelty.

Creepiest! Affair! Ever!