July 31, 2010

Sour Little Ditty

Day 9 gets ugly! The JGL train hit a coin yesterday with Uncertainty, and now it goes flying off the tracks, Fugitive style, with this latest film.

Let me get this out of the way right quick. I really did not like Sweet Jane! Like, I vehemently hated it! And, from the moment it ended, I knew I would derive no pleasure from writing the review in the style I usually do, so, if you'll indulge me, I'm going to mix things up a little bit. Instead of verbally abusing this small indie from 98 like a regular person, I'm going to do it in limerick form. This will probably suck!

So, there's this film.
The title, Sweet Jane.
Of my existence,
This is the bane!

Concerning two people,
One big and one tiny,
They are all messed up,
With AIDS and needles so shiny!

A standard plot,
This one tells,
With nary a glimpse,
Of original spells.

There's nothing of interest,
And empathy's lost.
You don't like these characters.
A terrible cost!

At a sluggish snails pace,
This one merrily moves.
That an hour can feel like five,
Sweet Jane handily proves!

Samantha Mathis plays Jane,
all distressed and hard-assed!
Her other performances,
have this one, surpassed!

On that annoying note of angst,
the whole thing, she stays.
Never wavering or course changing,
It leaves you in a craze!

And now the man,
Jo-Go himself,
Looking so small,
He might be an elf.

As a young one, he's lost,
But the performance ain't bad.
It's a lack of experience,
That brings it down a tad!

The actor's aren't good,
But Mathis stands out.
She's simply horrific,
Of that, there's no doubt!

So now the director,
Who's also the writer.
Name of Joe Gayton,
Which sounds to me, like the name of a street fighter!

His script is juvenile,
With dumb and lacking syntax.
The attitude of the project,
Feels decidedly ho-hum and lax!

Plots holes aplenty,
With no explanation.
From weird start to finish,
There is no salvation!

Sweet Jane sure ain't sweet!
It's is more often sour.
There's nothing to like;
It's really quite dour.

This is a film
I'd like to lock in jar!
That's all I can say.
I give it one star!


  1. How very Wild Celtic of you. I've never heard of this movie but I'm sad to hear Uncertantity was no good because the dudes who made it's last movie Bee Season is one of my favourites.

  2. I want to check this out so bad, but I just feel like it's too disturbing and gritty for me, that I will probably just start crying every second.