October 20, 2010

According to the Movies #14

If the movies say it, it must be true.

Since this is October, and I like to lead by other's examples, this week of According to the Movies will concern horror. Zombie horror, to be exact. This week's lesson focuses on zombie films, more specifically, the end of zombie films.

Let's set up the scenario, why don't we? The remaining survivors have fought off the undead/possessed/infected horde in the finale, losing a few choice characters. They lose the honorable badass who dies giving the others a chance to escape, the asshole who only survived this long so you oculd have someone to hate, and the nice guy, possible love interest, that the movie spent the last two hours making us care about, so that we feel all bad in the end. Don't you love that callous manipulation of our emotions?


Once the remaining survivors have escaped, all is well, right? WRONG!!!! Zombie movies that don't have some cutty dude named Shaun NEVER end on a happy note! The ending of 28 Days Later... (the real one) saw Jim dying from a gunshot wound and Selena and Hannah walking away towards an unknown future. The ending of 28 Weeks Later... sees the Rage virus hopping the English Channel and spreading all throughout Europe. In Dawn of the Dead, the survivors make it to the island, only to find that it hadn't escaped the virus, and are accosted by a horde of the undead as the screen goes black. Night of the Living Dead sees the main character emerge from the house, having lived through the night, only to have a gunman shoot him square in the face. REC./Quarantine sees the main character being dragged away and devoured in the end. Land of the Dead ends with the zombies wisening up and destroying a human stronghold while a few people flee north to Canada.

See the pattern?

The Lesson: Have you survived the end of a zombie movie? Well, good for you! Too bad it ended terribly for you. Abandon all hope! The dead walk the Earth! You're alive! Wonder how long that's gonna last! Just give up!

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