September 4, 2010

According to the Movies #9

If the movies say it, it must be true!

Disclaimer: Gah! My schedule is all kinds of screwy right now! This should have gone up on Wednesday, but, it's going up to today! I'll get something set in stone in a weeks time! Bear with me!

This week's lesson harks from a slew of movies. Leonardo DiCaprio has chalked up a damn impressive resume, turning in some truly fantastic performances for some of the best directors working today! But - and this could be due to a clause in his contract or something - his characters never seem to end the movie in a desirable state! More often than not, he ends up dead! In Shutter Island, he is carted off for a radical lobotomy, which, if it didn't kill him, certainly came close. In Titanic, he succumbs to the frigid water, sinking into the depths of the Atlantic ocean! He doesn't die in Revolutionary Road, but he is left as a horribly distraught and sad single father when his wife kills herself. In The Departed, he is the proud recipient of a bullet to the head! In Inception, he... well, no one really knows about that, but, there is a good chance he was still dreaming!

Damn it, man! Have you no sense of self-preservation?

The Lesson: If you are a character played by Leonardo DiCaprio, you should write up your will, and fast! You're probably not gonna be around for much longer, as you have the life span of about 2.5 hours!

1 comment:

  1. Yeah, I've been thinking for awhile now that perhaps Leo has himself a martyr complex. It's weird. I never thought I'd say this, but he needs to star in a rom-com or something. Lighten it up just a tad, Leo. It's like every flick these days he's got the weight of the world on his shoulders.