This Is Important: First Django Unchained Photos

STOP!!!

THIS IS MORE IMPORTANT THAN WHATEVER IT IS YOU WERE JUST DOING!!!

THE MODERN WARFARE CAN WAIT!!! THIS IS BETTER!!!

So, as new begins to trickle in about Quentin Tarantino's Django Unchained, a tale of revenge, blood, violence, and sheer swag set against abolitionist era America, the advertisement branch of the project has been fired up.

A few weeks ago, we got a cryptic yet sweet poster. And now we have...

THIS...

... AND THIS!!!!

OH MY GOD!!! SEX!!! PURE SEX!!!

But no, seriously. Aren't those awesome? Waltz and Foxx look all kinds of five different types of badass, and if Leo is not nearly as ridiculous and evil as this photo makes him out to be, than there is no God!!!

Thoughts?

The Streets Run Red

After having to sing their music everyday for the better part of a month, I find myself suddenly very interested in the absurdities that make up the heavy metal band, Manowar. As far as I know, they take themselves completely seriously, but everything about them is so cliche, from their leather costumes to their love of hotrods. If my memory serves, they were first created as a parody of how stupid metal had become, making songs about norse mythology, swords and fantasy, brotherhood, and just how all around awesome metal is. But, then they got popular, and have since continued to do the exact same thing for the past two decades. Their music is, quite simply, awful, but so ludicrous that I sort of love it. Any band that makes it a mission of their's to expel "wimps and posers" from the hall is alright by me.

What does this have to do with Gangs of New York? Absolutely nothing. It was just on my mind and I couldn't think of anything poignant to say as an intro.

We Own These Streets Bitch!!

FFTSBH Presents: The 1st Annual Snubbies Telecast

Well, isn't this just lovely. Look at all these faces staring in awe at me. I know, you can't believe your eyes. Hello, and welcome to the 1st Annual Snubbies. I am your host, and I will do my best to MC this whole event without teasing or insulting anyone. I mean, Mel Gibson hasn't said anything too offensive in the past month, so it should be easy.
...
Wait, shit!

Ok, enough pleasantries. Your votes have been tallied. Let's get cooking.

A disclaimer before the jump: The keeper of the minutes for the ceremony decided to smoke a fat doobie before starting work, and as such, all the acceptance speeches have been lost. I do apologize. I will get better staff for next year when I have better funding.

According to the Movies #9

If the movies say it, it must be true!

Disclaimer: Gah! My schedule is all kinds of screwy right now! This should have gone up on Wednesday, but, it's going up to today! I'll get something set in stone in a weeks time! Bear with me!

This week's lesson harks from a slew of movies. Leonardo DiCaprio has chalked up a damn impressive resume, turning in some truly fantastic performances for some of the best directors working today! But - and this could be due to a clause in his contract or something - his characters never seem to end the movie in a desirable state! More often than not, he ends up dead! In Shutter Island, he is carted off for a radical lobotomy, which, if it didn't kill him, certainly came close. In Titanic, he succumbs to the frigid water, sinking into the depths of the Atlantic ocean! He doesn't die in Revolutionary Road, but he is left as a horribly distraught and sad single father when his wife kills herself. In The Departed, he is the proud recipient of a bullet to the head! In Inception, he... well, no one really knows about that, but, there is a good chance he was still dreaming!

Damn it, man! Have you no sense of self-preservation?

The Lesson: If you are a character played by Leonardo DiCaprio, you should write up your will, and fast! You're probably not gonna be around for much longer, as you have the life span of about 2.5 hours!

Sweet Dreams

Thank God for Christopher Nolan! Thank God that there is at least one man out there who still has the talent, the chops, hell, the damn decency to make an intelligent action movie. It's been said before, but I'll say it again. This summer has sucked! There hasn't been one, truly spectacular film so far. Usually, the season brings us at least a few. We had Star Trek, Up, District 9, and (500) Days of Summer last year, Iron Man, WALL-E, and Nolan's own The Dark Knight in 2008. Well, all your petty grievances can be laid to rest. Summer 2010 is back on track! Inception is here, and it is brilliant! You thought The Dark Knight was good? You ain't seen nothing yet!

Let's see Batman do this! 

A Very Specific Type of Security

K, so. Now's about the time that of year where I start to obsessively follow my most anticipated movie of the year. In the past, I have stalked the progress of The Bourne Ultimatum, The Dark Knight, Watchmen, and Avatar. This year, it's all about Inception. No one has any idea what this Christopher Nolan mind trip is about, although the new trailer attached to Iron Man 2 does offer more insight into the plot. Here's what I know so far. Leonardo DiCaprio plays a man named Cobb who specializes in a very specific type of security, the subconscious kind. In this world, the technology exists to invade a person's dreams, and Cobb is a man who makes a living off entering an individual's subconscious and stealing their secrets. Ok, I'm confused, but, I don't really care. Let me break down for you what me and my mind discussed when this movie was first announced.

Me: So, what is this?

Mind: It's the new movie from Christopher Nolan.

Me: Really? Sweet! What's it about?

Mind: No one knows.

Me: Ok. Who's in it?

Mind: Leonardo DiCaprio. Joseph Gordon-Levitt...

Me: STOP! I'm sold!

Nolan seems to have tapped into my own, personal fantasy (by way of dream invasion, no less), because he has assembled a cast to die for. Leonardo DiCaprio, Joseph Gordon-Levitt, Cillian Murphy, Ken Watanabe, Ellen Page, Marion Cotillard, Michael Caine, Tom Berenger, AGHHHHHH!! Never before have I seen a cast filled with so much promise! DiCaprio looks like he will turn in an Oscar ready performance yet again, Page is doing an adult movie for a change, Cotillard is branching out, bringing her amazingness into blockbuster territory, Murphy and Watanabe both impressed the last time they worked with Nolan in Batman Begins, and Joseph Gordon-Levitt looks absolutely badass in what appears to be a villainous role! Throw in some gob-smaking visuals, a script written by Nolan, and more mystery than surrounded Cloverfield, and Inception looks to be a serious contender for one of the year's best films. God, I can't wait! There will be more coverage on this as we get closer to July 16. Keep in touch. 

WHAT THE FUCK?

I'm sorry. I've been a little stingy with the posts as of late. None of the movies coming out really appealed to me. The Wolfman just looked like yet another tired reboot of a horror classic; Percy Jackson and the Olympians just looked stupid, and did you really expect me to go see Valentine's Day, a movie that celebrates the stupidest and most insulting holiday of our society? No. But, all that can change now, as Shutter Island, the oft-delayed, new Martin Scorsese picture, is here! Should you see this movie? Ummm... duh! It's Martin Fucking Scorsese! Get your sorry self to the theatre! Now!

Shutter Island starts off on a pretty solid, if unoriginal note. Two Federal Marshals, Teddy Daniels and Chuck Aule, are dispatched to Ashcliffe, a institution for the criminally insane, on the remote Shutter Island in Boston Harbor, to help in the investigation of the disappearance of a particularly dangerous patient. It's clear from the beginning that something is not quite right with Teddy. This offness persists and becomes more apparent as Teddy and Chuck get deeper into a supposed conspiracy on the island. Things really go to shit when a hurricane hits, setting some of the more violent offenders loose, and causing Teddy to really lose it. He doesn't know who he can trust, when everyone seems ready to throw him in a cell in the very place he's investigating. The script is based on a novel by Dennis Lehane, who is also the virtuoso behind Mystic River. It's not the most original story on the market. There's an enormous twist that I will talk about in a little bit, that, I'll be honest, I could see coming, but more on that later. But, I'll be frank. Narrative is not the point of this movie. The point of this movie is to freak you the fuck out and look damn good doing it, and in that sense, Shutter Island succeeds.

Leonardo DiCaprio teams up with Scorsese for the fourth time to play Teddy. I hope DiCaprio and Scorsese keep doing movies together for years to come, because they know each other's quirks, and DiCaprio just gets better and better because of it. He's a bundle of feverish paranoia, solid and confident on the outside, but an absolute wreck on the inside. He's great, capturing all the craziness and fear that a guy like that must be feeling. Mark Ruffalo plays Chuck, who is so much more level headed then his partner. Ruffalo does a nice job combatting DiCaprio's screen chewing with a certain manner of calm and collectiveness. Ben Kingsley is the head doctor on the island, and he is positively terrifying! That's all I'll say on the matter for fear of giving something away. Other performances include Emily Mortimer as the escaped convict, Michelle Williams as DiCaprio's wife, Max von Sydow as a deranged doc, and Jakie Earl Haley in a chilling cameo. Do I need to say anything more about the performances? No! It's Scorsese, arguably the best character director living today.

There is no one like Martin Scorsese working in the business today. This guy is so good, that even his less then spectacular works would be considered masterpieces in any other director's hands. Shutter Island is nowhere near as good as some Scorsese's more recent films. Rather then join the ranks of Gangs of New York or The Departed as modern day classics, Shutter Island falls in with The Aviator as good, not great, but still better then 100% of the movies playing right now. Shutter Island marks Scorsese's return to the mind bending, freak you out, thriller genre since his absolutely brilliant Cape Fear in 1991. He's back in fine form, as he successfully chills the hell out of you watching this movie. Everything from camera angles, to the awesome use of shadows, to the overbearing tension, to the startling, jump out of your seat moments, are all used exceptionally well and do a great job at capitalizing the fear in Teddy's mind. And, finally, the twist. Like I said, it's a little predictable, but, HOLY SHIT, THAT IS A GOOD TWIST! This is not some, run of the mill, oh the good guy is the killer, twist. No, this is a Gwenyth's head in a box, Tyler Durden is the narrator, type twist, the kind that changes your whole view on the movie, and sparks heated debates on what actually happened when the credits roll. I'm getting goosebumps just thinking about it.

There are problems. Don't get me wrong, Shutter Island is a great movie, and certainly one that will be talked about come awards season, despite its February release date. But, it has its issues. There are parts of the movie where Teddy will hallucinate, and, while they are chilling and violent and all the stuff we've come to expect from films like this, some of them just don't fit and drag on for way too long. There's this one in a concentration camp as Teddy reflects on his war days that goes on forever! It's cool, but it draws you out of the story a little bit. Also, the script is weak in parts. All these complaints are for naught though! If Shutter Island accomplishes anything, it only reassures you that Scorsese is here, and he is just as good as he ever was! See this movie. Just be prepared to have your mind blown! A-