August 12, 2010

The FITS Awards: 2010

So, I realize that the summer season has a good two weeks left to go, but, I'm already at college, and the nearest theatre requires catching a shuttle that only runs once on Wednesday, and once on Saturday. Also, I'm making new friends and shit like that. Movies can wait for a little bit. So, I'm presenting my Fun In The Sun Awards a little early this year, as summer, for all intents and purposes, is over for me. Like last year, we have a bunch of categories, all a part of the Best and Worst type, with your usual Best/Worst Film, Action, Comedy, Direction, Fun, Sequel, New Franchise, etc. and so forth. So, with out further ado, let's go!

Before we start the ceremony, let's review the summer as a whole. I said in my Iron Man 2 review that I had high hopes for the summer. Those hopes were not realized. Movie goers were consistently disappointed with the offerings at the theatre this year. For every Inception or Toy Story 3, we had a Jonah Hex, or a The Last Airbender, or a Salt, or a Robin Hood to go with it. Granted, the best films of the summer were so friggin' good that it is not a total waste, but, compared to the last two summers, which offered plenty of top tier films, Summer 2010 was lacking.

Alright then! Let's kick this off!

Best New Franchise: The A-Team: Joe Carnahan's adaptation of that campy show brought summer blockbusters back to the way they once were. The movie was fun. Remember fun? It's what action movies had before they all decided to copy Christopher Nolan. Funny writing and some awesome violence leaves me eagerly anticipating the next installment in this franchise.

Worst New Franchise: The Last Airbender: The show is amazing! The movie is one of the laziest and most inept things I have ever witnessed! Lame action, piss poor acting and worse writing make up one hellish creation. 

Best Sequel: Toy Story 3: Pixar does it again. Toy Story 3 expands on everything that made the original and its sequel so good, while adding enough to make it stand on its own. Funny, touching, emotional, and, at times, heartbreaking, Pixar once again shows why no one does it better. 

Worst Sequel: The Twilight Saga: Eclipse: Ok, this was kind of a bullshit award, as this summer was pretty strong in terms of sequels... at least the ones I saw. Eclipse is better than its big brothers, but, it still sucks by all conventional standards. Painfully forced writing, hammy acting, and a dumb story don't do much to elevate this property. 

Most Fun: Inception: I was on my edge of my seat for the whole movie as the roller coaster of a story took me on the ride of my life!

Least Fun: Jonah Hex: By all accounts, this movie should have rocked! Instead, the action was flat and uninspired, the one liners were lame, and the explosions sucked! It just wasn't fun at all!

Smartest: Inception: A movie that didn't assume that the people watching it were idiots, Inception is a film you need to pay attention to. It moves quickly, and presents new and formidable ideas that do a ton in making this one of the most intelligent thrillers in recent memory!

Dumbest: The Last Airbender: The exact opposite of Inception! Every character talks in the simplest syntax; every single thing is explained to us, leaving no room for imagination! Lame!

Most Disappointing: Knight and Day: I had such high hopes for this movie. It looked exciting, smart, and very funny! It was these things, but not to the extent that I thought! The humor left something to be desired, and the action was ho-hum. Oh well!

Least Disappointing: Inception: It lived up to my expectations, and then some!

Surprisingly Good: Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time: Am I tripping? A video game movie that doesn't suck major balls? Say it a'int so! Well, it is so! POP isn't great by any means, but it's pretty fun, decently made, and features some seriously cool action! Best video game movie ever!

Surprisingly Bad: Jonah Hex: Oh, sure. We knew it would be bad, but not this bad! I was expecting a dumb, but entertaining flick, but all I got was a dumb and boring exercise in futility! Ugh!

Best Comedy: Get Him to the Greek: Easily the funniest time I had at the movies this summer! One absurd scenario after another, bolstered by smart writing and good performances! The Judd Apatow Factory is back in business!

Worst Comedy: Nothing: Once again, I only saw good comedies... or, in this case, one comedy, and I don't feel like dishonoring it.

Best Action: The A-Team: A helicopter does a barrel roll. There's an inspired heist in the streets of Baghdad. A ship explodes, sending containers and debris cascading down on the people below! A tank flys! HELL YEAH!

Worst Action: Jonah Hex: The action here is flat and uninteresting. Despite the fact that Jonah has a gun that shoots dynamite, and the bad guy has a weapon that is basically a more archaic version of a thermonuclear bomb, there's really no fun to be had here!

Best Performance: Joseph Gordon-Levitt in Inception: Despite the fact that the character Jo-Go was presented with didn't really have that much in the way of substance or emotional meat, it was still the most riveting performance of the summer. Gordon-Levitt proves to be a force to be reckoned with as the muscle of Leo's team of dream invaders. He's suave, sexy, tough, and supremely badass! Look. Lack of gravity doesn't phase him! He wins!

Worst Performance: Noah Ringer in The Last Airbender: Now this, on the other hand, is something else. I realize that this is a child actor, but, before you get all in my face about how he's only a kid and doesn't know better, I will say this. This is worse than Jake Lloyd in The Phantom Menace. I didn't even think that was possible, but, apparently, it was!

Best Director: Christopher Nolan for Inception: The best blockbuster director working today follows up the most profitable, non-James Cameron, movie of all time with an even better film. Nolan's flick is exciting, mind bending, visually stunning, and all around amazing! Seriously overdue Oscar nomination is incoming!

Worst Director: M. Night Shaymalan for The Last Airbender: What the hell happened to this guy? I have no clue! Once such a great and talented director, M. Night is now scraping the bottom of the barrel. I mean, he has artistic integrity, so how could have let this movie go in the state it was in? Why do his actors suck so much? Why is the action boring? How could he have fucked up the adaptation of a close to perfect show? Beats me!

Best In Show: Inception: Oh, come on! What did you expect! This movie is pure genius! It's the best thriller to come out all year! It's the best looking movie! It has the strongest acting! It's the smartest! It's simply the best!

Worst In Show: The Last Airbender: Bad. Just bad, bad, bad, bad! Not even a semi-decent performance from Dev Patel can save this rapidly sinking ship! M. Night Shaymalan is officially a hack!

Well, there you have it folks! The FITS Awards have been wrapped up for 2010. Before I leave you, let's go over the statistics. Inception leads the pack with 6 awards, followed by The Last Airbender with 5, albeit negative, awards. Jonah Hex rounds out the top 3 with 3 awards. It was a lacking summer, but, I'm not angry about it. It provided stuff for everyone, and, I'll be honest, entertained the hell out of me on more than one occasion! Here's to Summer 2011 being even better, not that that's going to be much of a challenge!


  1. I'm afraid best action would also go to Inception, my dear. The A-Team has horrible editing.

  2. Just watched 'Airbender', and shall review it on the Simon and Jo podcast this weekend but, suffice to say, I think you are a little harsh with your judgement on the film...


  3. Looks like Airbender will be a major Razzie contender.