July 21, 2010

According to the Movies #5

If the movies say it, it must be true!

This weeks lesson is actually two lessons. Both come to you courtesy of Roland Emmerich and the end of the world. 2012 is a film that goes under the assumption that the Mayans were right all along about the apocalypse, and uses this setup as an excuse to cause untold amounts of destruction at easily recognizable landmarks. Anyway, the first lesson is actually given to us by a character in the film. See, right before the mayhem begins, the government assures everyone that everything is fine, that there is nothing to worry about, and, well, take a look. You can stop watching after the first minute. It's just relentless disaster porn!

Lesson #1: When they tell you not to panic, that's when you run!

The second lesson is given to us in the very end of the film. Throughout the whole movie, the characters travel all over the place, foolishly throwing themselves in front of every major disaster as they search for salvation. They do eventually find it, and, once the powers of nature have had their fun destroying pretty much everything, the survivors being to look for a place to begin anew. Where do they go? Africa. Why? Because it wasn't even touched! Yes, amid all the earthquakes, volcanoes, and ridiculously large tsunamis that were relentlessly pummeling the world, Africa got away scott free!

Lesson #2: In the event that the world comes to an end thanks to earthquakes, volcanoes, and ridiculously large tsunamis, don't go globe trotting, throwing yourself in the path of every disaster as you look for safety. Head to Africa! Africa won't even be touched!

1 comment:

  1. I was just discussing this one last night and at how entirely ridiculous it was. I mean the special affects are mind bending and no one destroys the world like Roland Emmerich, but even his exaggerations are so bizarre and so far fetched that it stops being funny and is just irritating. Cusack couldn't save this film with his charm when every two seconds the film progressively gets more and more depressing and everyone dies and every damn little event becomes life and death and extraordinary. Plus, why kill Woody Harrelson off so early when he was the only comic relief? ID4 was so great because of Goldblum and Smith's great humor keeping the crazy in check.

    Nonsensical. That's all.