Glee Review: Britney/Brittany

Now that's more like it!

Glee this week picked up with, no surprise, the club bitching about Will's song choices for them for the homecoming assembly. Kurt is big on the idea of doing Britney Spears at the assembly, but Will, clearly still shellshocked from the club's scandalous performance of "Push It" from the previous year, is not having it! Neither is Brittany, who reveals that she has a deep seeded loathing of Britney Spears since their names are so alike (Brittany S. Pierce).

Meanwhile, Emma's new BF, an unrealistically good looking dentist by the name of Carl, shows up, and Will suckers him into giving the club a lecture on dental hygiene. This leads to Brittany ending up in Carl's chair, due to her having "the worst teeth he's ever seen"! He knocks her out with some anesthesia, and puts on Pandora. Lo and behold, what comes on, but Britney Spears. With the combo of the music and the narcotics, Brittany hallucinates that she is just as talented as the pop diva (which is not saying much; the talent of Britney Spears is questionable at best). This leads her to become drastically more confident and willing to perform Spears' songs with the club. Santana, Rachel, and Artie soon all jump onto the drug wagon, and all have Brittany inspired hallucinations of their own.

Meanwhile, Will is trying to become less uptight, thinking that it will impress Emma. Rachel and Finn are still affirming their love for each other. Artie is still obsessed with winning back Tina. Santana is still a skank, and Sue is still Sue!

First off, the big thing about this episode! It's Heather Morris' coming out party! Though she is beloved all around as Brittany, she hasn't had her turn in the spotlight, until now. I think I can sum up how she did in one word.

YOWZA!

Who knew she could do that? Not only is Morris absurdly hot performing all of Spears' risque moves to the likes of "Toxic", "Me Against the Music", and "Slave", but the girl can sing! Unless she has been autotuned all to hell - which, knowing this show, is a possibility - Morris has a damn fine voice! Her one liners are here in full force, so worry not. Did I mention she's absurdly hot in this episode? To see her baring her stomach in a green bikini top and tiny jean shorts with a snake draped across her shoulders... I'm getting all hot n' bothered just writing about it! My out of control hormones aside, Morris' does a bang up job, and I really hope she gets more solos in the future!

The music in this episode was really good, and this is coming from someone who greatly loathes the artist who made it. The inclusion of Spears' songs is good for the show, though nowhere near as effective as "The Power of Madonna". The songs didn't really mesh with the story, since most of them were just hallucinations where the characters relived the music video of said song. As if to further drive home the fact that the writers weren't as inspired by Britney as they were Madonna, the episode ends with Paramore's "The Only Exception". What?

Speaking of weak points, Will's plot line of becoming less uptight was also not up to snuff. The show took it in some weird directions, as when he performs "Toxic" with the club on stage in front of everyone. There were some comedic moments, both involving Jacob, that were too over the top, even for Glee. The "Britney Spears sex riot", as Sue called it, was funny, but took it way too far, though the punchline of Sue getting trampled and threatening to sue Will was great!

John Stamos' Carl is a nice introduction to the cast. Sam and Sunshine are nowhere to be seen this week, further driving home the fact that they were just afterthoughts to begin with, and Bieste only made a brief appearance. All the other regulars are fine, but it's Morris who really stands out in this one. Her performance singlehandedly brings this episode back up to where Glee was before the lackluster premiere. Atta girl Brittany! Maybe you're not so dumb after all!

According to the Movies #12

If the movies say it, it must be true!

Since stupid mainstream America loves to see shit blow up and their hero/heroine mercilessly kill thousands of worthless henchmen, Hollywood is going to provide, and rake in mad profit! Now, I realize that it's ridiculous to analyze the realism of a balls to the wall action movie, but, then again, the whole point of this series is to point out the ridiculous aspects of movies that you might not notice! Anyway, since moviegoers want a hero/heroine they can cheer for and whose survival they need not worry about, bullets and swords and other things that can kill you don't touch the protagonist, or, if they do, don't effect them in the slightest! Arnold Schwarzenegger can run through a whole platoon of guys, gunning them down left and right, and nothing will happen to him (Commando, True Lies)! Russell Crowe can crash into a contingent of medieval soldiers, laying waste and whatnot, and receive nary a scratch (Gladiator, Robin Hood)!



The Lesson: If you are the hero/heroine in an action movie, take heart! The movie gods have bestowed thee with invincibility, and awesome badassery! You will kick so much ass, and you won't sustain a single wound! You! Are! A! God!

Disclaimer: There is a part two to this lesson! Tune in next week!

Trailer Trash: The Fighter

It's time to root through some trailers. What sorts of wonderful things will be alluded to today?

Gotta love the uplifting sports movie, don't ya? You gotta especially love the ones that feature a once mighty giant returning from obscurity. Those stories are always riveting, aren't they! Too bad they are all mired by cliche and over exaggeration, but, who cares! The underdog wins, damn it!

The Fighter traces the ascent of Mickey Ward, a lowly Bostonian who sweeps streets by day, pounds faces by night! He is trained by his cracked out brother, Dicky Eklund. When Dicky becomes too much a liability, Mickey leaves him behind as he gains fame! There's a love interest and a promise of redemption!

Mark Wahlberg is getting a lot of Oscar buzz for his portrayal of Mickey! He looks ready to impress, especially since he has gotten consistently better as of late. The real stand out looks to be Christian Bale as Dicky! Bale is almost at Machinist levels of thin for this film, having lost all his beef to convincingly play a crackhead! If Bale is anywhere near as good as we know he can be, and Oscar nom is definitely incoming! Amy Adams is the love interest. Whatever.

Ok, the film. Not interested. Sure, Wahlberg and Christian look ready to for Oscar gold, but this just looks like ripoff of every other sports film of its kind! There's definite shades of Rocky, and especially of The Wrestler in this trailer. If the movie can bring enough to the table to warrant a look, fantastic! But, it just looks to be treading old ground. SHENANIGANS!!

Starting Tomorrow

Tune into the LAMB on Monday! I'll be running the first installation of a new weekly feature for the site. I think it's gonna be a fu little thing, and Dylan approves of it mightily! High praise, indeed! It'll be exciting, oh, and I almost forgot, it will be interactive! So, head on over to the LAMB tomorrow and take part! Thank you, my pretties!

Time for an animal! This is a sloth!

Cute enough for ya Megan?

Not With A Bang, But With A Whimper

The end of the world is scary concept that plenty of films have played with! We've seen countless directors destroy civilization in one way or another, be it with massive rocks from space, or the fury of mother nature, but very rarely do we actually see a film go all the way and straight up destroy the planet! Titan AE was the remedy of that situation! It presented the really cool concept of life after earth, with plenty of action to be had, but then something terrible happened! The makers of the film decided to make it a kids movie! WHAAAAAT?? Now, let me go on record. I liked it when I first saw it. I first saw it when it came out! I was eight, and I loved anything with explosions. I have since developed a thing called taste, and can now take a critical look at the thing. Titan AE has good ideas, to be sure. But, it absolutely sucks as a film!

Well that's not good!

Glee Review: Audition

I've endured your scorn and ridicule for many things! My obsession with Muse. My recommendations of films that are generally loathed. Hey, Transformers was goofy fun! I was alright with that! I'm prepared to endure a whole hell of lot more after this; I really like Glee! I'm not a Gleek, but... well, no, actually, let's not mince words. I am a Gleek, and proud of it! Sorry, I like the show! So, in honor of this, I'm going to do what all good people with unhealthy obsessions do; write about it.

Tuesday night marked the beginning of the new season, and saw Will Schuester's glee club reeling from their loss at regionals in the season finale! Rather than push forward with new stories, the writers of the show pulled a fast one on us, and hit the reset button! So, we see all the kids start again. Just when they thought they were slowly climbing the social ladder, fate came down like a demon bitch and kicked them back down to the bottom! So, Kurt is still getting slushies to the face; Rachel is still a controlling pain in the ass, Puck and Finn are still obsessed with being cool and popular, Artie is still depressed, and Brittany is... well, she's still Brittany, but that's not a bad thing!

That's not to say that everything is the same, oh no! The show opens with Will and Sue "le gasp" on good terms, united against a common enemy in the form of new football coach, Shannon Bieste. That's pronounced "beast". It's french! Tina is dating Mike, having displayed extreme shallowness and dumping Artie because he wouldn't put out. Quinn, having given birth to her bastard, is ready to be the queen of the school again, which she accomplishes all too easily thanks to her exceptional bartering skills! And Santana comes back to school with a new set of, umm... assets!

The club is eager to recruit new members, leading them to single out two individuals! The guys scope out a transfer student by the name of Sam, who is clearly destined to be Kurts future plaything! Just sayin'. Rachel runs into a foreign exchange student by the name of Sunshine, who has a killer voice. But, of course, Rachel's epically huge ego gets in the way of Sunshine joining.

Ok, so, now that you have the set up, how was the episode! Well, the opening, which saw Jacob addressing all the complaints that real world have lobbied at the show, was brilliant. And then it was downhill from there! None of the songs really carried much punch! The "Telephone" duet that Rachel and Sunshine take part in in the girl's bathroom is alright, but the best part was Sue's perfectly timed "Shut up!" at the very end. Sam and the guy's rendition of "Billionaire" sucked, and Rachel's finale was the exact same thing we've seen her do countless times.

Thankfully though, the best part of the show, the humor, is still here in full force! Sue has some great one liners, as always, and everyone of Brittany's lines, all two of them, are solid gold! There is also some great line delivery on the part of Puck.

The actors all play their roles in the way we've gotten accustomed to. Nothing's really changed, and the newbies don't stand out, with the exception of Dot Jones' Bieste. This highlights my main issue with this season premier! It's treading old ground too much! It's only the beginning, so, I have plenty of hope, but, this is not the Glee I know and love! Come on guys! Give me some feeling!

According to the Movies #11

If the movies say it, it must be true!

Have you noticed it? That strange phenomena? Has it ever occurred to you that movies where a serial killer is the main focus never end on a happy note! Disregard parodies and send ups from that list; no one wants to hear Ghostface or Chucky in this forum! Anyway, it's actually kinda scary. Think about it! Se7en ends with Brad Pitt gunning down Kevin Spacey in a fit of rage after Spacey puts Pitt's wife's head in a box! Zodiac ends with the main character's lives in disarray after they realize that their obsession with the case was slowly driving them insane! Though Laurie survives in Halloween, Michael is still on the loose! Freddy Krueger lives in your dreams, and, as such, cannot be killed, and Jason Voorhees will just NEVER! FUCKING! QUIT!

His tenacity is infuriating!

The Lesson: If you are in a movie where a serial killer is the main focus, and said movie is taking the whole thing seriously, abandon all hope! It's not gonna end well!