The LAMB Devours the Oscars 2012: Best Director

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We're almost at Oscar night. What is normally one of the most exciting build ups of the year, frankly, has left me very disinterested. Sorry, but a vast majority of the movies I cared about last year didn't make the cut, so I really could care less who wins Best Picture.

This mindset comes shining through with the Best Director race. Whereas last year was chock full of directors doing awesome things, this year is just... well, eh. This is more personal opinion than anything, but out of the five chosen, I'd say only two, if that, deserve to be on it.*

*Bear in mind, I haven't seen Hugo yet.

But, for the second year running, it's my job to squelch through the muck and analyze all this stuff for you. Let's get into it.

Woody Allen (Midnight In Paris): I'm not the biggest Allen fan. I love Annie Hall, but I don't think anything he's done in the last twenty years deserves any sort of mention. But, he came screaming back onto the A list with Midnight In Paris, a wonderful film, full to bursting with biting humor, strong acting, some of the most lovingly composed shots of Paris ever seen, and all the while, pushing a solid message of how our society views nostalgia. It's good stuff.

So, Can He Win?: No! Not only are the other films on the list more "directed" than Midnight, Allen's film hasn't really racked up a whole lot of previous awards. If this film takes home anything, it's gonna be in the writing categories. Allen will have to wait it out until the next one, provided he is consistent this time.

Michel Hazanavicius (The Artist): Translating a gimmick (and let's be honest. The Artist is all gimmick) into an Oscar winning film is no small feat, but Hazanavicius manages it with ease. Even without all the hoopla of it being a silent film, The Artist would still be one of the best films of the year. Hazanavicius takes all the trademarks, visual cues, and touches that defined the silent film genre, and makes them feel new again. Not a word is spoken throughout the movie, and yet you won't be able to take your eyes off it.

So, Can He Win?: I'd say it's a damn certainty at this point. The Artist has been cleaning up shop these last few weeks, taking home the PGA, the BAFTA, and, most importantly, the DGA. It's not quite as clear as previous years, as there is another contender who could swoop in (more on that later), but if you put this guy on your ballot, you'll be considered a smart person.

Terrence Malick (The Tree of Life): My favorite of all the directors in this race, Malick does amazing things with this film, making it quiet and intimate one second, and grandiose and epic the next. Many people have bashed it for boring, ponderous, and slow. I loved it. I thought it was fascinating and moving. The actors, under Malick's wing, create fleshed out and memorable characters with their minimal dialogue. Also dinosaurs!

So, Can He Win?: He should... but he won't. I don't know what it is, but I think The Tree of Life has proven to be too much for the Academy to go for. They do love their moving epics, but they have their limits. No, I think the reason is that Malick is too much of an odd duck to warrant any sort of real chances. I don't even think he's gonna show up to the ceremony. Stupid reason, but since when has the Academy ever behaved like normal people?

Alexander Payne (The Descendants): A quirky family drama, set against the lush backdrop of Hawaii, with George Clooney in one of his best roles. Yeah, it's no wonder that this one got all the nominations it did. Even so, The Descendants is worth it, and Payne does an admirable job with it. It's funny, moving, and heartfelt. And the child actors are stupendous, and we all know how hard child actors can be to work with.

So, Can He Win?: This marks the second time that Payne has been nominated for a much beloved film, and he's the only multiple nominee in the race, apart from Malick, who hasn't won. This automatically helps him. Well, than and the fact that if any film is going to challenge The Artist, it's going to be this one. It's too close to call for sure. If I'm putting my money somewhere, it's going to Hazanavicius, but this guy may prove to have the cojones to go the distance.

Martin Scorcese (Hugo): Would you have expected this a couple months ago when the first trailer for Hugo dropped? I sure as hell didn't. But here we are, and Hugo is leading the pack with a whopping 11 nominations. Now, according to that little footnote up there, the writer of this post hasn't seen it yet, so there's not gonna be any mention of it's quality. But, from what other people are saying, Hugo is a vibrant, moving film that pays a crap ton of reverence to the cinematic medium. In other words, the Academy's wet dream. Also, the 3D is supposed to be awesome!

So, Can He Win?: He just won, and his last movie was completely shut out of the race to begin with, so, I don't think so. Granted, the Academy might be swayed by the whole birth of cinema thing, and the film does seem to employ a whole bunch of visual trickery, but, it's still too soon. Marty'll have to wait for a few more years before it's his time again.

So, Who Got Shafted?: There are three. Nicolas Winding Refn, David Fincher, and David Yates. Now, I understand why all three of these films got shafted. Drive and The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo are too cold and violent, and Harry Potter is too mainstream. How are those for stupid reasons? But, all three of those films deserved to be recognized, thanks in no small part to their directors. Yates had been getting better and better with the Harry Potter brand since the reprehensible Order of the Phoenix, and Deathly Hallows: Part 2 was not only the best Harry Potter film, but the best mainstream blockbuster to come out all year, or, indeed, in many years.


The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo was no doubt cast aside due to the whole "It's copying the swedish version" bull crap, but no one can deny that Fincher's dark sensibilities were right at home with Mikael and Lisbeth. He took everything he had learned from his previous movies, and applied them, making Dragon Tattoo more than just a rote cash in.

And Drive was the best movie of the year, bar none. Ok, yes, it was savagely violent and the protagonist was a bit too distant to really relate too, but so what? Drive was simply the best example of film as an art to be seen all year. Deftly combining steely cool, asphalt covered action movies with the bright pink, techno infused touches of europop, and then offering up a slow burn tale of crime, suspense, and violence, everything about Drive just worked.

Although, there is a scene where a man gets his wrist slit that is probably the most sickeningly gory scene of the year, so that probably had something to do with it.

Whatever, though. It doesn't matter. I don't know how you feel, but I'm just coasting on the coattails of this awards season, counting down the minutes until it is over and we can start looking ahead to when Christopher Nolan gets snubbed again. Anyway, that's all for now. Return to your daily tasks. Peace!

The Streets Run Red

After having to sing their music everyday for the better part of a month, I find myself suddenly very interested in the absurdities that make up the heavy metal band, Manowar. As far as I know, they take themselves completely seriously, but everything about them is so cliche, from their leather costumes to their love of hotrods. If my memory serves, they were first created as a parody of how stupid metal had become, making songs about norse mythology, swords and fantasy, brotherhood, and just how all around awesome metal is. But, then they got popular, and have since continued to do the exact same thing for the past two decades. Their music is, quite simply, awful, but so ludicrous that I sort of love it. Any band that makes it a mission of their's to expel "wimps and posers" from the hall is alright by me.

What does this have to do with Gangs of New York? Absolutely nothing. It was just on my mind and I couldn't think of anything poignant to say as an intro.

We Own These Streets Bitch!!

2010: The Retrospect: MVPs of the Year (Directors)

It's getting even more legitimate!

Though they are never seen on the screen, unless they're named Clint or Woody, but directors are the real artistic forces behind whatever film it is that you are watching. Actors can be bad, sure, but at the end of the day, most, if not all, of the blame will be placed on the director. Director's are closely scrutinized, aren't they? They'll make one great film, be heralded as a new master, and then tank on the next one. 2010 saw once great directors fall into a deeper pit of awfulness, once lackluster directors up their game, and the usual masters turn in their standard excellent work. There were some sour apples, to be sure. But, how can you complain when the sweet apples were sooooooo sweet. Here are FFTSBH's MVP Directors of 2010.

Before we go on, let's notice some that didn't make my list of ten. David Yates (Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 1). Mark Romanek (Never Let Me Go). Lee Unkrich (Toy Story 3). Joel and Ethan Coen (True Grit). Joseph Kosinski (Tron: Legacy). Matthew Vaughn (Kick-Ass). Zack Snyder (Legend of the Guardians). Floris Sigismondi (The Runaways)

But, you don't really care about that, do you? You want the real list. Take a leap, and enjoy!

Oh hell no!

WHAT THE FUCK?

I'm sorry. I've been a little stingy with the posts as of late. None of the movies coming out really appealed to me. The Wolfman just looked like yet another tired reboot of a horror classic; Percy Jackson and the Olympians just looked stupid, and did you really expect me to go see Valentine's Day, a movie that celebrates the stupidest and most insulting holiday of our society? No. But, all that can change now, as Shutter Island, the oft-delayed, new Martin Scorsese picture, is here! Should you see this movie? Ummm... duh! It's Martin Fucking Scorsese! Get your sorry self to the theatre! Now!

Shutter Island starts off on a pretty solid, if unoriginal note. Two Federal Marshals, Teddy Daniels and Chuck Aule, are dispatched to Ashcliffe, a institution for the criminally insane, on the remote Shutter Island in Boston Harbor, to help in the investigation of the disappearance of a particularly dangerous patient. It's clear from the beginning that something is not quite right with Teddy. This offness persists and becomes more apparent as Teddy and Chuck get deeper into a supposed conspiracy on the island. Things really go to shit when a hurricane hits, setting some of the more violent offenders loose, and causing Teddy to really lose it. He doesn't know who he can trust, when everyone seems ready to throw him in a cell in the very place he's investigating. The script is based on a novel by Dennis Lehane, who is also the virtuoso behind Mystic River. It's not the most original story on the market. There's an enormous twist that I will talk about in a little bit, that, I'll be honest, I could see coming, but more on that later. But, I'll be frank. Narrative is not the point of this movie. The point of this movie is to freak you the fuck out and look damn good doing it, and in that sense, Shutter Island succeeds.

Leonardo DiCaprio teams up with Scorsese for the fourth time to play Teddy. I hope DiCaprio and Scorsese keep doing movies together for years to come, because they know each other's quirks, and DiCaprio just gets better and better because of it. He's a bundle of feverish paranoia, solid and confident on the outside, but an absolute wreck on the inside. He's great, capturing all the craziness and fear that a guy like that must be feeling. Mark Ruffalo plays Chuck, who is so much more level headed then his partner. Ruffalo does a nice job combatting DiCaprio's screen chewing with a certain manner of calm and collectiveness. Ben Kingsley is the head doctor on the island, and he is positively terrifying! That's all I'll say on the matter for fear of giving something away. Other performances include Emily Mortimer as the escaped convict, Michelle Williams as DiCaprio's wife, Max von Sydow as a deranged doc, and Jakie Earl Haley in a chilling cameo. Do I need to say anything more about the performances? No! It's Scorsese, arguably the best character director living today.

There is no one like Martin Scorsese working in the business today. This guy is so good, that even his less then spectacular works would be considered masterpieces in any other director's hands. Shutter Island is nowhere near as good as some Scorsese's more recent films. Rather then join the ranks of Gangs of New York or The Departed as modern day classics, Shutter Island falls in with The Aviator as good, not great, but still better then 100% of the movies playing right now. Shutter Island marks Scorsese's return to the mind bending, freak you out, thriller genre since his absolutely brilliant Cape Fear in 1991. He's back in fine form, as he successfully chills the hell out of you watching this movie. Everything from camera angles, to the awesome use of shadows, to the overbearing tension, to the startling, jump out of your seat moments, are all used exceptionally well and do a great job at capitalizing the fear in Teddy's mind. And, finally, the twist. Like I said, it's a little predictable, but, HOLY SHIT, THAT IS A GOOD TWIST! This is not some, run of the mill, oh the good guy is the killer, twist. No, this is a Gwenyth's head in a box, Tyler Durden is the narrator, type twist, the kind that changes your whole view on the movie, and sparks heated debates on what actually happened when the credits roll. I'm getting goosebumps just thinking about it.

There are problems. Don't get me wrong, Shutter Island is a great movie, and certainly one that will be talked about come awards season, despite its February release date. But, it has its issues. There are parts of the movie where Teddy will hallucinate, and, while they are chilling and violent and all the stuff we've come to expect from films like this, some of them just don't fit and drag on for way too long. There's this one in a concentration camp as Teddy reflects on his war days that goes on forever! It's cool, but it draws you out of the story a little bit. Also, the script is weak in parts. All these complaints are for naught though! If Shutter Island accomplishes anything, it only reassures you that Scorsese is here, and he is just as good as he ever was! See this movie. Just be prepared to have your mind blown! A-