Sink It!

God damn you Transformers! Look what you've done! Since the first BIG movie of the summer has now come and gone, we are now forced to sit through the smaller, though still loud and garish, feats of escapism. Loud and garish are certainly words that come to mind when describing the first of those said movies, Battleship. Other words that come to mind are brainless, pointless, derivative, overly long, and generally awful. Of all the movies to be coming out this summer, this one, above all others, has no reason to exist, nor does it deserve to.

We are so fucked!

Wrath and Cheese

No one was really expecting anything from Wrath of the Titans. I mean, no one was really expecting anything from Clash of the Titans, yet that one still managed to disappoint. Regardless, a boatful of money can be very persuasive, and a sequel has befallen us underserving mortals. Boasting much of the same "talent", but with the scale ramped way up, Wrath of the Titans sits poised to deliver exactly what I had hoped for from the first. A ridiculous, relentless, effects heavy action flick. The first one was one of the most boring films I can recall seeing that year. This one... not so much. Sure, Wrath of the Titans doesn't have anything resembling a decent plot or a single well developed character. But it is so generous with the gonzo violence that I find myself strangely impressed by it. Though that could just have to do with my lowered expectations. Hm...

Whatever. Let's get into it.

Take me back James Cameron!

POST #100: Just Barely Coming Together!!

Man, talk about a dry spell! There have not been any BIG movies to write home about since Iron Man 2. I'm actually getting worried here. Summer is supposed to be the most exciting time at the theaters, but this year would suggest otherwise. Sure, there have been plenty of blockbusters coming out, but none of them have that special something that makes a film BIG. The A-Team is the latest in a long line of contenders to attempt to fix this problem. It's not up to the task, but it is a perfectly average time at the movies. The latest in a dynasty of television shows being made into movies, The A-Team maintains all the campiness of the show, but shoots itself in the foot by a dumb plot and loose acting, not to mention some shoddy CG. It's enjoyable, but forgettable. 

Boom!

Taking It Too Far

I am shocked! I am appalled! I am enraged! Now, look. No one enjoys a sex thriller more then me. Your brain gets teased, you see some good performances, and some lovely ladies usually shed their clothes, which is only icing on the cake. Films like Fatal Attraction and Unfaithful are stalwart examples of the genre. It's been awhile since we've had a good one though. The new film, Chloe, seeks to fill the void. Now, not only does Chloe fail at filling that void, it also fails as a movie, just in general. Here is a film, so pointless and stupid, that not even the most overly generous of critic will be able to find something to like. This critic does not consider himself to be overly generous. This is going to be fun!

Fall Is More Like It

Uggg, that was disappointing. I actually had some hopes for Clash of the Titans. I mean, it stars Sam Worthington, who, with Avatar, has proved to be a legitimate star, and it's based off an 80s classic staring Laurence Olivier and a stop motion Medusa. Now, we have the remake, and oh, how far society has fallen.