December 1, 2010

According to the Movies #19

If the movies say it, it must be true!

Have you noticed this? There has been something that bothered me about medieval films or fantasy films set in medieval times. I couldn't quite put my finger on it, until now. I was watching Lord of the Rings: Return of the King just last night, and on that slo-mo shot of Miranda Otto's Eowyn cheering right before the Rohirrim charge, it hit me. All these people have such impeccable teeth!

Ok, hold up a sec! How is this possible? These people are living in medieval times. Last I checked, toothbrushes weren't exactly a popular commodity back in those days and dental hygiene wasn't explicitly a problem people felt they needed to concern themselves with. But, in these films, there they are, those pearly whites. 

Granted, only the leads have good teeth. Nothing gives away a villain like a disgusting set of chompers, but still. What's the deal? Let's look at some examples, shall we?


Well, this one's a bit dark, but believe me. They're immaculate!

Do you see? Look at those things!

Powerful stuff.

The Lesson: If you are a good guy in a film set in a time of castles, swords, shields, and bloody bloody warfare, chin up. At least your teeth will be pretty.


  1. Whatr? They didn't have Midevil Teeth Whiteners?

  2. Unless you include scratching out food morsels with a stick, i don't think so.