November 10, 2010

According to the Movies #16

If the movies say it, it must be true!

I finally got around to it! I finally overcame my rural living situation here in Annandale-on-Hudson and managed to get my mitts on Scott Pilgrim vs. The World (review on Saturday). For those who don't know- and, judging by the pathetic box office the movie experienced, that could be a good percentage of you- SPVTW concerns a lowlife named Scott Pilgrim who starts dating the girl of his dreams, named Ramona Flowers. Unfortunately, this comes with a slight downside. For Scott to live happily ever after with this girl, he must defeat her seven evil exes in all out battles to the death. There are quite a few lessons to be learned from this movie, most of which I will touch on eventually, but, today, I am laying the best one out for you.

See, one of Scott's opponents is a man named Todd. Todd has totally awesome hair, plays bass like Flea, and has psychic and telekinetic powers. How does he manage to pull of all this crap? He's vegan. Yeah, one of those hipster types that I'm practically drowning in here at Bard, but anyway...

The Lesson: Are you vegan. Good for you! You can do cool shit, like levitate a person on the ground, and play bass as if it were a surfer guitar. You'll also make really bad puns, but, I guess that can't be helped.

Addendum: You have three strikes, or the Vegan police will find you. No, gelato is not vegan. It's milk and eggs, bitch!

No comments:

Post a Comment