According to the Movies #18

If the movies say it, it must be true.

The following lesson probably applies to a whole slew of movies, but, I can't seem to think of them. Sorry. I just started Thanksgiving break, I'm allowed to not think!

In the movies, you have your hero, and you have your villains. It's always very fun when said hero is a former member of said group of villains. The main movie I'm talking about right now is Ninja Assassin. See, here's the thing. The villains are a very dangerous bunch. They can kill countless good guys and cause all types of carnage. But, when they fight the hero, they can't do shit! The movie gods have imbibed the hero with supreme skill over his former comrades. In Ninja Assassin, Raizo is an unstoppable force when it comes to dispatching of his ninja brethren. They ninjas he kills are very adept at killing cops, innocent bystanders, and people the movie doesn't consider important enough to capitalize on. However, when they face Raizo, they are completely helpless. He cuts bloody swath after bloody swath through them, barely flinching as he does.

The Lesson: If the hero suddenly finds himself fighting his former comrades, he can take heart. He will suddenly find himself to be far more capable at dispatching foes than any of his opponents, even though, when they were allies, they were matched. Does that make any sense at all? Screw you! It's not supposed to!

Movie Videos & Movie Scenes at MOVIECLIPS.com

Trailer Trash: Green Lantern

It's time to root through some trailers. What sorts of wonderful things will be alluded to today?

One of the annoying things about having this feature on Monday is that is about as far from the day new trailers are released as I could possibly have made it. When a new trailer comes out, I usually have a good 4-5 days before I'm scheduled to write about it. By then, all my blogging buddies have given their two cents, so when I post it, it's as if I'm arriving late to the party. I mean, I could always move the feature to a different day, but that would throw my whole schedule out of whack, so I'm not gonna do that, especially since I've gotten comfortable with it.

So, why the bitching? I don't know. I guess it's too explain myself for posting something about this trailer so late. It was released, like, last Wednesday, and since then, Hatter, Travis, and others have dished on it. Now it's my turn.

Green Lantern is based on the DC comic of the same name. It concerns Hal Jordan, who is entrusted with a mystical and powerful ring one day and tasked with using its power to defend the universe as a Green Lantern. He is then whisked away on an epic journey to alien worlds, where he learns how to use the ring, and then returns to Earth to face off with an enemy with less than good intentions.

Ryan Reynolds is Jordan. Ok, he could be good, but I'm a little skeptical. Any superhero movie that Reynolds has been in has been unmitigated shit far. Blade: Trinity? How bout X-Men Origins: Wolverine? You get the idea. Granted, he's taking the lead here, instead of being relegated to the back burner, but still. His reputation suggests something tepid. Other people that show up are Mark Strong, playing the bad guy again, and Peter Sarsgaard as... someone. This cast is talented, but it's a superhero movie not directed by Christopher Nolan. I'm going in with tempered expectations.

This trailer is sweet, but nowhere near as awesome as I thought it would be, given what I've read on IGN and such about the film. None of the action scenes shown really did anything for me. Honestly, I thought there'd be more destruction on display. The alien worlds look sweet, but shockingly cartoonish for a film with such a ridiculous budget. The ring effects look cool. My verdict on whether or not this film is going to be worth going to on opening weekend is still out, but, if the next trailers are like this one, I'm gonna be disappointed.

Off With Their Heads

Horror is a fickle little bitch, ain't it? These days, it's all about the BLOOD, whereas, way back in the day, it was all about the atmosphere! Since we are usually treated to films that specialize in one of those aspects, be it the gore (Saw), or atmosphere (The Ring), it is a very nice surprise when we get a film that specializes in both. Sleepy Hollow is such a film. Tim Burton's moody take on the William Irving's famous legend mixes things up a little bit, changing the origin of the main character, and bringing in a healthy dose of the supernatural. Though some qualms pain me, Sleepy Hollow is wonderfully atmospheric and legitimately unsettling film. It also goes overboard with the decapitations. Not necessarily a bad thing, but...

Edward Sweeney Scissorhands Wonka Hatter

It's Good To Have Friends

Isn't it?

This past week, I strolled down to my mailbox in the Campus Center here on Bard Campus. After getting it open, I happened upon a little something-something from a certain someone-someone. Hatter had alluded to a gift of sorts that would be finding its way to me at some point as a thank you for putting up with a Matineecast recording session mired by technical issues up the wazoo. Unfortunately, Hatter's big move to a stylish new crib postponed the mailing of said gift, and, since its college, and I was in a show, and I have work, and I'm busy, and I'm tired, and I have a social life outside of this blog (crazy, right?), I briefly forgot about the incoming present. So, imagine my surprise when I found a nice little package sitting in my box, from a certain mad person. What was it you ask?

A DVD copy of Moulin Rouge!!

SAWEEEEEEEET!!!! I was very excited about that. Not only am I now privy to all the juicy extras, but now I can watch it legally!! YAY!!! Thanks Hatter. You da man!!! Here's a special furry just for you!!! This is a bunny!

Meow?

Glee Review: The Substitute

I say. Those casting people sure do know how to attract the talent.

There's a disease spreading through the halls of McKinley. Strangely enough, this new strain of "monkey flu" only seems to effect people who pose a threat to Sue. Maybe she bioengineered it to attain her goals, which is totally something she would do. Anyway, Will comes down with it and is forced to take a sick leave. Enter the substitute, the comically named Holly Holiday. Not only does she take over in Will's Spanish class, but she also takes the reins of the glee club, much to the chagrin of Rachel, who was hoping to lead the club in Will's absence. Holiday is a big proponent of letting the kids do the songs they want, a big change of pace form Will, who is still looking for a Journey song that the club hasn't performed yet.

As this power struggle plays out, we see Kurt and Blaine's relationship progress, albeit through the eyes of a ticked off Mercedes. It's nice to see Kurt finally have someone to relate to and chat with, but, God Damn, he was dick to Mercedes in this episode. Mercedes thing with the tater tots was pretty stupid, but, as with everything in this episode, was taken to such glorious heights of ridiculousness that it is easily overlooked. The plotline that saw Will and Terri briefly reconcile was also interesting, and handled better than any other  plotline between the two so far in the series.

But, the main focus was Mrs. Holiday, and boy was it a good focus! Gwyneth Paltrow guest stars as the substitute, but it's not a just a movie star cameo designed to ring some extra viewers. I mean, the total viewing population of Glee is probably bigger than some countries, so, they aren't exactly starved for an audience. Paltrow is fantastic as this spunky, fun loving, but ultimately damaged woman. She's hilarious, but also heartbreaking. And damn, can that woman sing!!

The songs this week were also a big step up from last week. They were all exciting, interesting, and each brought something new to the table. The "clean" version of Cee Lo's "Fuck You", as sung by Paltrow, was great, as was her and Rachel's rendition of "Nowadays" from Chicago. Will's and Mike's reimagining of "Make Em' Laugh" from Singing in the Rain was hysterical, and the last song, a mashup of "Singing in the Rain" and Rhianna's "Umberella" was the best song so far this season, and the dancing on the number absolutely killed!

"The Substitute" is, hands down, the best Glee episode of the season, and certainly one of the best of the whole series, ranking right up there with "Dream On", "Journey" and the pilot as the strongest of the bunch. There's talk of making Paltrow's character a regular. I don't know how I feel about that, but, for the time we spent with her this week, it was absolutely wonderful.

Also, how awesome was it seeing Beiste burn Sue when she tries to disband the football team with a "But then who are your Cheerios gonna cheer for?" Priceless.

So, now that Paltrow is out of the way, who's next for big name guest star? Javier Bardem is on the list, and Stamos and Chenoweth are sure to make reappearances. I don't care about any of those; I only care about one of them. Please let the rumors about Bruce Springsteen guesting the show be true. Please let be true. If The Boss were on Glee, so many dreams would come true!

According to the Movies #17

If the movies say it, it must be true.

So, I'm going to take a break from balls to the wall action films and focus on something a bit more tame for this week's lesson. There's a trend in romantic comedies that dictates that the two leads cannot spend the entire movie together, instead being forced apart only to see the error of their ways and reunite in the end. In High Fidelity, Rob breaks up with Laura in the beginning, and then gets back with her in the end. In Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind (which is a romantic comedy. Shut up!), Joel and Clementine break it off, only to reconcile in the end. In (500) Days of Summer, Tom and Summer break it off and then... well, they don't get back together, but screw you! Movies need some conflict, right?



The Lesson: If you are a couple in a romantic comedy, prepare for hard times. You will break it off at some point, but will most likely get back together in the end. Sorry. Audiences these days would just get bored if there wasn't anything to challenge the love of their two stars. That's modern day consumerism for ya. Put that in your pipe and smoke it.

And It Was So...

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Be sure to pick up your gift bags from the caribou outside.
Ciao tutti!

Addendum: Ok, so, this is kinda embarrassing. I went to register the domain fromtheblackhole.blogspot.com, and I find, much to my chagrin, that there is already a blog with that URL. The person who registered said URL has not written anything for the blog since its inception. Pisses me off, but whatever. So, slight adjustment. Here's the new URL.

fromthesupermassive.blogspot.com

I don't like people sometimes. Really, I don't...