March 31, 2011

An Offshoot

So, since arranging all the CCs into a gallery on Blogger is a ridiculous pain in my tuckus, I've started a Shutterfly, the sole purpose of which is to proudly display all the CCs in all their glory! So, head on over and take it all in. I'll add to it every week, and, once I have enough, I'll make a book, which, of course, will be open to you, the loyal reader. Enjoy!

CLICK ME!!!

March 30, 2011

Allow Me To Call Your Attention To This

So, what with Sucker Punch being the rotting corpse it was, you would not be blamed in the slightest if you were suddenly very worried about Zack Snyder's new film, Superman: Man of Steel. It's human nature.

Now, I am not that worried. Sucker Punch, in my opinion, failed because it was purely from Snyder's mind and he wasn't given any boundaries. No one told him when he went to far or when an idea he had was stupid. Superman is return to his usual tricks, what with it being an adaptation and all.

I'd like to point your focus to an article from Moviefone that I came across on Twitter. A blogging buddy of mine posted it, but I cannot for the life of me remember which one. Anyway, the article makes the case that Snyder will not only do fine with Superman, but that he is, in fact, the perfect director to helm the project.

Stop smiling! You got some repenting to do, you smug bastard!

The article makes the case that Sucker Punch will be a learning experience for Snyder.

"First of all, it's not like is unprecedented in Hollywood. Sucker Punch is Snyder's fifth full-length feature film, and the first that can be considered an all out misfire. In comparison, do you know what Steven Spielberg's fourth film was that hit theatre? 1941. Have you ever seen 1941? It is terrible (though, contrary to popular belief, it did make money. I promise you, patrons who paid their hard earned money to see 1941 were not happy with Mr. Spielberg that day either. What happened next? Spielberg learned, despite success, that not everyone will just magically love everything he throws at the screen. Should Spielberg have been removed from his next project - something called Raiders of the Lost Ark - as a result?"

Full article here.

Personally, I think it's gonna be David Goyer's script and Christopher Nolan's involvement as producer that are going to play the biggest roles in ensuring that the man from Krypton gets his due, but I think the article is on point. Snyder has realized that he's not invincible, and that his style means nothing without substance. Every great director in history has made at least one stinker. No reason to suspect that Snyder would be any different.

March 29, 2011

Cinematic Captions #13

Alright folks! Cleverness caps on! Time to impress me!

But first, the winners from the last installment.

There were too many to choose just one, so here are your...

Honorable Mentions: "Trampolines. Don't go to war without one." (Courtesy of Univarn), "I hate it when the dwarf tossers run out of dwarves." (Courtesy of Hatter), "Like a Boss," (Courtesy of Simon).

And the winner is... FLETCH!!!!!


Before you say anything, no Fletch. I did not give you the victory because you oiled me up on the LAMBcast or because I could tag you on Twitter.

The Leaderboard
Castor (4)
Fletch (2)
Simon (2)
Univarn (1)
Kai (1)
Rachel (1)
Aiden (1)

I feel like a throwback is in order. Here ya go!


Amuse me!

March 28, 2011

The Bad Buzz Was Right!

I am crying bitter, pitiful tears of shame right now, folks. Tears of shame, for I have been led astray. Near the end of my 2010 retrospective, I declared Sucker Punch as my most anticipated movie of 2011. And why wouldn't I? It was an original work by one of my favorite, up and coming directors, boasted incredible visuals and action, and looked to tell a mind bending tale of liberation and sacrifice. Unfortunately, something foul found it's way into the mesh that made up the film, and caused the whole thing to fall apart at the seems. Sucker Punch is a mess, spilling over with one mistake and bad call after another. It's a movie of ambition, but nothing was done to capitalize on this ambition. I don't remember the last time I was so let down by a film. Disappointment, thy name is Sucker Punch!


Strut your stuff. It's the only reason you're here!

March 26, 2011

All This Bad Buzz

I really hope I respond favorably to it when I see it tonight.

Finger's crossed. Wish me luck!

March 25, 2011

For the Nerds

So, remember how I said in my Tron: Legacy review that all these sci-fi, campy, absurd products are a symptom of the geek/nerd culture infecting pop culture. Now, I don't say infecting with any negative connotation; I sort of love the new cultural norms that have been placed upon us. I only used such a harsh word because it fit with the symptom thing.

Wait, where was I?

Out of the ashes of this new world order, comes Paul, Simon Pegg and Nick Frosts satirization/love letter to nerd culture everywhere! Like Shaun of the Dead and Hot Fuzz, Paul benefits from the over the top reverence that Frost and Pegg have for the genre. Unlike Shaun and Fuzz, however, Paul suffers from Pegg and Frost's lust for blood and, I'm sorry to say, isn't as consistently funny as you would expect coming from these guys. But, this is coming from a guy who isn't as well versed in nerd culture as... say... you! Yes, you, Maxwell!

That probably isn't your name, but it was worth it to screw with the heads of all the Maxwell's in the world.

Dude! Our headlamps are so cool!

March 24, 2011

Trailer Trash: Captain America: The First Avenger

Time to root through some trailers. What sorts of wonderful things will be alluded to today?

The Super Bowl spot for Patriot Man's foray into big screen megalomania gets expanded into a full trailer, and it's not much better. I mean, it's still cool, but didn't get me very much more excited than the spot.

I will say this. Chris Evans looks like he's actually acting in this, if the trailer is to be believed. To my knowledge, he's only acted twice before, in Cellular and Sunshine, and he shone in both of them, so, I'm cautiously optimistic.

Ok, that's about it. I'm still feverishly anticipating this one, but this trailer does nothing. Oh well. Decide for yourself. Here it is.

March 23, 2011

According to the Movies #28

If the movies say it, it must be true.

Despite all the blood, guts, sex, nudity, foul language, and debauchery that modern day films are rife with, the fact the remains that Hollywood is, at it's heart, a wholesome industry. In no way does it condone the blood, guts, sex, nudity, foul language, and debauchery that modern day films are rife with... unless, you know, it's supposed to be cool.

In reality, there is nothing Hollywood hates more than smoking. They hate it so much, that they even include smoking as a rating now. Did you know that, if one person lights up, your film will not get below a PG? Ridiculous!

Anyway, my point is this. In recent times, have you ever seen any one smoke on screen that was supposed to be likable who didn't come from a Scorsese movie? Example: Bond hasn't smoked since Connery.

The Lesson: These days, no one smokes in the movies unless they are villains, or European. After all, Hollywood doesn't want to promote it.

If only Nick Naylor was a real guy...

March 22, 2011

Cinematic Captions #12... Still....

Uhh... yeah.

So, I was experiencing some catastrophic computer troubles last week. I went to Apple store on Saturday to get my troubles alleviated, but, that required getting my computer wiped of all data that was on it. And, of course, I left my external hard drive at Bard, and I'm on spring break in Utah. My own stupidity can even surprise myself.

Anyway, since the 300 screen grab some truly excellent submissions, I'm going to keep the contest open for another week. If you already submitted, and want to do it again, I will consider both of them. If you didn't submit, get on it!!!

Here ya go!

March 21, 2011

In Other News: JoGo's Dark Knight Character

He's playing Alberto Falcone.

For those who didn't pay attention during Batman Begins, Carmine Falcone was the big, bad crime boss who had a lot to do with the death of Bruce Wayne's parents, and was the first big shot that Batman took down. He then got the bad end of Jonathan Crane's fear drug. Alberto is his son.

In the comics, Alberto was outcast from his father's business because, apparently, Carmine wanted him to have a normal life. Guess Alberto was the Michael to Carmine's Vito. But, the little Falcone had other plans, and went on to become the Holiday Killer, a murderer who only struck on, go figure, holidays. Since The Dark Knight Rises is going to wrap up the story, bringing it back Falcone is certainly in the books.

If anything, this, effectively, kills all rumors that Robin will be showing up, since JoGo was the only one of the confirmed cast who could have played him. While it does seem like there's gonna be a lot of villains in this one, Nolan is better storyteller than to fall victim to the "multiple baddie plague". After all, TDK had The Joker, Two-Face, Sal Maroni, Scarecrow, Lau, Gambol, and the Chenchen. And, last I checked, TDK turned out alright.

Anyway, that's something new. I'm still excited!

Wow, the resemblance is uncanny!

Addendum: This news is false. I just found out today. Serves me right for reporting on it so prematurely. 

March 20, 2011

Your Sunday Funny #6

I am so sorry for this, but I just couldn't resist.

March 19, 2011

Desert Island CD

Damn it! I thought I got off this stupid island for good! Where's my volleyball?

It seems that Castor just doesn't have a purpose in life if he isn't bringing us all together to participate in some glorious blog-a-thon of his own creation, but we love him for it, so complaints here. This new one is deceptively simple, and oh so tricky. Inspired by Andy's Desert Island DVDs event, Castor is hosting a Desert Island CD event. Here's how it works.

Trapped on an island, with only one compact disc, and one disc player with infinite battery life, we are allowed to choose the 12 songs that populate said disc. The catch? They all have to come from movie soundtrack. Damn! And here I was, ready to go with the twelve Muse songs I couldn't live without. Guess that'll have to wait for another time.

Anyway... Here are my choices. The twelve movie soundtrack songs I can't live without, in no particular order.

Check out the lists of everyone else who participated, here!

This isn't the album I ordered! Damn you Amazon!!


March 18, 2011

In Other News: The Wolverine

All hopes of the Wolverine sequel being any good have now been thrown out the window with the news that Darren Aronofsky will no longer be directing Hugh Jackman as everyone's favorite metal boned mutant. Aronofsky's reasoning behind this is that working on the project would keep him out of the country and away from his family for too long, something he wasn't willing to do.
...
Really, man? I can understand not wanting to be away from home for so long, but this was an opportunity missed. After the tidal wave of acclaim that came with Black Swan, Aronofsky's next logical move was to capitalize on said acclaim, and make a popcorn flick. At least, that was what the smart move was. Aronofsky could have kicked ass with the Wolverine character, finally giving the Marvel-verse its Batman, a dark, conflicted, brutal hero. Guess it's not to be.

Now, the film is set in Japan, so the current crisis there might have had something to do with this. Nature can be so troublesome sometimes.

No claws for this guy anymore...

Now, be honest. How much does this suck?

March 17, 2011

...

Unfortunately, I will not be able to write up a post today, as I am away from my desk.

Wait...

Uhhhh...

BATMAN!!!

March 16, 2011

It's That Time Of Year Again...

Time for March To Box Office Madness! You have fifteen days to submit your brackets. It's the same deal as always, and since I can't be bothered to explain the rules to you right now, here's the link to LAMB article laying it all out for you.

Large Association of Movie 
Blogs

In Other News: Tron 3???

OH BOY!!! SHIT JUST GOT REAL!!!!!

This is the teaser that is included with the Tron: Legacy Blu-Ray. Gotta say, I am intrigued. The trailer touches on quite a lot that wasn't covered in Legacy, like the "Flynn Lives" movement, or more corporate espionage regarding Encom. Also, Ram is back. Oh yes!!!

March 15, 2011

Cinematic Captions #12

Alright, my midshipmen of mayhem! Cleverness caps on! Time to impress me!

But first, last week's winner!!!

Honorable Mention: "Who needs work when you shit gold!" (Courtesy of Univarn)

THIS WEEK SEES THE RETURN OF THE CCC!! THE WINNER, FOR THE FOURTH TIME IS... CASTOR!!!!


I was really hoping some would use "You don't want to know what condition my condition was in!" as their entry, but, you can't be too specific in times like this.

The Leaderboard

Castor (4)
Simon (2)
Fletch (1)
Univarn (1)
Kai (1)
Rachel (1)
Aiden (1)

I feeling epic this week. Here ya go.


Amuse me!

March 14, 2011

EAT YOUR PIE, YOU JARHEADED PATRIOT!!!!

As I stated in my verbal reaming of Skyline, there is a subconscious facet of my personality that is a direct result of my living in San Francisco. Said subconscious facet is the desire to see the city of Los Angeles get blown up real good. The bigger the explosions the better. Skyline sought to satiate my cravings. Unfortunately, it got caught up in how inept it was and all I was left with was a rusty taste in my mouth. Now, we have Battle: Los Angeles, which claims to be everything Skyline was not. B:LA claims to be filled with vicious invaders, brutal firefights, and more explosions than you could shake a Roland Emmerich script at. It succeeds where Skyline failed, but is does more than this. Battle: Los Angeles, while still loud, frenetic and stupid, is actually better than most people are giving it credit for. Indeed, this may be one of the most pleasant surprises of 2011. It's a frenetic, gritty, sci-fi actioner, but the script and acting are better than usual. While watching it, I had an epiphany. Battle: Los Angeles is what a Michael Bay movie should be, if Michael Bay was actually, you know, competent.

I sure could use some freedom fries right now!

March 13, 2011

What Dull Teeth You Have

Thank you Twilight. Thank you for warping our notions of what teenage girls like. Really, who knew that gothic imagery, hoaky storytelling, scenery chewing acting, and alt-rock soundtracks was really the bees knees? We owe it to you, then, for Red Riding Hood, a reimagining of the classic fable filled with, you guessed it, gothic imagery, hoaky storytelling, scenery chewing acting, and alt-rock soundtracks. It's by the same person who gave us Twilight, and it's no better. Sure, the wolf may have a vicious bite, but this movie is not interested in showing us the nitty gritty. It toes the line, but never crosses it, and that is not a good thing. Is Red Riding Hood awful? No. But, it's hard to excited about all the same. 

Huh... I forget my name. Was it Bella?

March 11, 2011

Other Sides To the Conversation: Week of March 11th

They want to make sequels and prequel's to Blade Runner????!!!!???? The catalyst for the 2012 apocalypse has been found. Now, we have to destroy it! Join with me, brothers! Let us fight! Let us drink to the power! Drink to the sound! Thunder and metal are shaking the ground! Drink to your brothers who are never to fall! We are brothers of metal here in the hall!

They'll be our harbingers!

I swear to you. This thing about Manowar is completely healthy.

Anyway, here are some things upon which you can click, which will take you to new things, upon which you can read.

In a not so subtle stroking of my own ego, here's my conversation with Hatter on Say Anything. I know I already put this up yesterday, but, screw you! Any publicity is good publicity!

Darren of the m0vie blog give us some of his excellent Non-Review Reviews. See him blast through Armageddon and Piranha 3D.

Our friendly neighborhood Kaiderman lists off his favorite alien movies in honor of Battle: Los Angeles opening today.

Tom reviews one of the best movies of last year, 127 Hours. I wish I could say it was as EXTREME as mine, but that would be lying.

Finally, LAMB Movie of the Month is being brought back. For the kick-off, we have a real winner, Black Dynamite. All are welcome to participate.

FOR FREEDOM!!! BEAUTY!!! TRUTH!!! AND LOVE!!!!

March 10, 2011

Talking Say Anything With Hatter

I had the good fortune of being involved with the latest installment of Hatter's "Falling For the First Time" series, where a guest blogger watches a classic that they've never seen, and chat with Mr. Matinee about it keeping in context how said classic has aged. I landed the coveted job of having to watch Say Anything. What did I think? Click the pic.

Glee Review: Sexy

Gwyneth Paltrow holding a condom and a cucumber. That's probably somebody's fantasy.

So, for some reason, New Directions is fixated on boning this week. Unfortunately, all this accomplishes is bringing to light how naive the club is when it comes to the intricacies of sex. Lucky for them, that devilishly seductive substitute, Holly Holiday, is back, and willing to get down to the nitty gritty with the kids. This is the catalyst for some serious shit to go down.

First off, the throwaway line in the Sectionals episode last season that alluded to Brittany and Santana engaging in... uhh... sapphic pleasures has developed into a full on subplot, and a heavy one at that. They turn to Holly to help them figure out whatever it is that have, which leads to Santana making a pretty shocking discovery about herself.

Meanwhile, Kurt and Blaine, having been informed by Sue that New Directions are sexing up for Regionals, decide to bring up their appeal as well. Unfortunately, Kurt knows next to nothing about sex, and Blaine is legitimately worried. The kid is a junior in high school and he's hopelessly ignorant. Blaine appeals to Burt to have 'the talk", something that neither of the Hummels is very keen on doing.

Finally, the reappearance of Holly into his life has made Will do some thinking. He realizes that he's incredibly attracted to her, and wants to be with her. Unfortunately, Holly is, as she puts it, "damaged goods", and is not keen on engaging in anything serious. While this is going on, Emma is finally forced to address her sham of marriage to Carl. Oh, and Quinn gets back with Finn.


Yeah. Pretty heavy stuff on the relationship front in this episode. I wish to applaud the writers for their skilled work on the Brittany/Santana dynamic. Here was something that could have easily gone down the "exploitation for the purposes of comedy" path, but it didn't. Instead it went down the, "Yes, we're ok with dealing with lesbians! Deal with it!" path. The fact that Santana may be a lesbian is a very good idea for the character, and certainly something that we did not expect to be seeing from her when she auditioned for the club in the second episode of the series. It was very well told, and Naya Rivera did some of her best acting of the whole series in the scene where she confesses her love to Brittany. It's the first time where I've actually felt sympathetic for Santana, and the moment was more than welcome. I can't wait to see where this goes.

Music wise, the episode was a step up from "Blame it on the Alcohol", but still not great. Holly's down and dirty rendition of Gary Glitter's "Don't You Want To Touch Me" took it a bit far, but was still a good time. The Warbler's song, Neon Trees' "Animal" was alright, but what the hell was that bubble cannon for? Brittany, Santana, and Holly's soulful take on The Dixie Chick's "Landslide" was adequate, elevated by some baller acting by Rivera and Heather Morris. Emma's horrendous take on "Afternoon Delight" made me want to rupture my ear drums. Finally, Will and Holly's cover of Prince's "Kiss" was awful at the start, but got better. Also, that scene was friggin' hot, so a little creepy falsetto is something I can look past.

Humor wise, Glee, once again, offered plenty of juicy material. Of course Brittany would think that the stork who built a nest on her roof is a sign that she's pregnant. Of course Lauren and Puck would be looking into making a sex tape. Of course Finn would mistake Holly's demonstration of proper condom use to mean that a cucumber can give you aids. Ay-Yi-Yi! Good stuff.

Well, it all comes down to this. Regionals are next week. Can't wait to see what Rachel comes up with. I am really hoping that the writers don't let the Santana/Brittany plot be forgotten; it's too good for that. Looks like Paltrow might become a semi-regular now that she and Will are together. Ok then. Would be fine, if Emma didn't just effectively end her relationship with Carl. Jesus, why can't these people go drama free for one week. AGHGHGHGH!!!

So, Holly made a sex tape with JD Salinger. I think my mind just exploded!

March 9, 2011

Trailer Trash: Puss In Boots

It's time to root through some trailers. What sorts of wonderful things will be alluded to today?

A spin off of the Shrek series? Featuring one of it's most annoying characters? Can anyone tell me how to knot an effective noose?

All I can say is this. This bastard better make some fucking money. It's part of my crew for Castor's Fantasy League, and I have a decent amount staked on it. Puss. I don't know what wily charms you have, I really don't care! JUST WORK THEM!!!

Here's the trailer. It sucks. Get over it.

March 8, 2011

Cinematic Captions #11

Alright my fiery little demon bitches! Cleverness caps on! Time to impress me!

First, at the request of Fletch, here is a caption of my own creation.


Quite proud of that one.

Ok, moving on.

Before we continue, last week's winner!

Honorable Mention: I'm wearing a fireplace for a hat. (Courtesy of Kai)

AND THE WINNER, FOR THE FIRST TIME, IS... AIDEN!!!


See, Mr. CutTheCrap? See what you can accomplish when you move beyond the fecal matter?

The Leaderboard

Castor (3)
Simon (2)
Fletch (1)
Univarn (1)
Kai (1)
Rachel (1)
Aiden (1)

We're keeping it classy this week.


Amuse me!

March 7, 2011

In Other News: G.I. Joe Casting

So, according to a tweet by Rise of Cobra star, Rachel Nichols, a lot of the main cast won't be returning for G.I. Joe's second outing in it's on going fight with Cobra. All well and good, if you ask me; the cast of Rise of Cobra was only marginally better and more interesting to watch than paint drying, but this news gives me pause. Does this mean that JoGo won't be dawning that awful looking mask to play ├╝ber baddie, Cobra Commander?

Sorry. Guess my Darth Vader ripoff wasn't good enough for you!!!!

If so, good for him. I mean, it's not like he's starved for work now. He just stole the show from under Leonardo DiCaprio's nose in the biggest blockbuster of last year, and has recently been slotted into the BIGGEST MOVIE OF ALL TIME, so a departure from something as mediocre as an action film directed by the guy who made Step-Up and the Justin Bieber documentary is more than alright with me.

However, JoGo's departure from the project effectively kills all chances of me seeing it. He was the only element to Rise of Cobra that was entertaining, so unless they get Daniel Day-Lewis to play Cobra Commander, I'm out. Well done Paramount! Now where are you gonna get my ten dollars. Your loss.

Oh wait! Does this also mean that The Ninth Doctor won't be back either? Are you guys trying to piss me off now?

Get this man a TARDIS!!!!!

March 5, 2011

Speaking of Gangs of New York...

...here's something for you to masticate.

The Streets Run Red

After having to sing their music everyday for the better part of a month, I find myself suddenly very interested in the absurdities that make up the heavy metal band, Manowar. As far as I know, they take themselves completely seriously, but everything about them is so cliche, from their leather costumes to their love of hotrods. If my memory serves, they were first created as a parody of how stupid metal had become, making songs about norse mythology, swords and fantasy, brotherhood, and just how all around awesome metal is. But, then they got popular, and have since continued to do the exact same thing for the past two decades. Their music is, quite simply, awful, but so ludicrous that I sort of love it. Any band that makes it a mission of their's to expel "wimps and posers" from the hall is alright by me.

What does this have to do with Gangs of New York? Absolutely nothing. It was just on my mind and I couldn't think of anything poignant to say as an intro.

We Own These Streets Bitch!!


March 4, 2011

I Find My Lack Of Faith Disturbing

Sooo... uh... yeah. Normally, I'd be running Other Sides to the Conversation here, but, I have not, for the life of me, been able to find time to read up on my fellow bloggers are saying this week. I am sorry (seems as though I've been saying that a lot lately). Just click any link on the blogroll in the sidebar and you'll be taken to something excellent; I read only the best.

But hey, it's been a while since we had a furry. This is a wombat.

His name is Jerry. 

March 3, 2011

According to the Movies #27

If the movies say it, it must be true!

This week's lesson is courtesy of the good man Fletch.

Action movies come with many tropes, larger than life explosions, muscles bigger than your head, the ability to perform abnormally well during sex, etc. One thing that often goes unnoticed, but is used to great effect to create the atmosphere, is the power of awesome music. See, awesome, bass heavy, in your face music is like pot. It slows you the hell down.

Case in point... these guys! (Click the picture for video proof.)


The Lesson: Playing cool music is like injecting your muscles with concrete. It makes you move slower than molasses, but you will look like badass while doing it.

Addendum: Exponentially cooler with an explosion behind you.

I'm just salivating right now!

March 2, 2011

FFTSBH Presents: The 1st Annual Snubbies Telecast

Well, isn't this just lovely. Look at all these faces staring in awe at me. I know, you can't believe your eyes. Hello, and welcome to the 1st Annual Snubbies. I am your host, and I will do my best to MC this whole event without teasing or insulting anyone. I mean, Mel Gibson hasn't said anything too offensive in the past month, so it should be easy.
...
Wait, shit!

Ok, enough pleasantries. Your votes have been tallied. Let's get cooking.



A disclaimer before the jump: The keeper of the minutes for the ceremony decided to smoke a fat doobie before starting work, and as such, all the acceptance speeches have been lost. I do apologize. I will get better staff for next year when I have better funding.

March 1, 2011

Cinematic Captions #10

Alright folks. Cleverness caps on! Time to impress me.

But first, last week's winner!

Honorable Mention: "Dude... how are you even here right now?" (Courtesy of Simon)

And, the winner, for the first time, is...

Rachel of [film] girl, interrupted!!


The board gets more diverse everyday.

The Leaderboard

Castor (3)
Simon (2)
Fletch (1)
Univarn (1)
Kai (1)
Rachel (1)

Alright then! In honor of the event that went down just this past weekend, here is this week's shot!


Amuse me!

A Recap of the Glamour

Now that we've had a good day to digest everything, let's recap and reflect.